East Village Afternoon

Oscars 2012

2012-01-08T12:00:00.000-08:00

OSCARS 2012 - The Race Is On!

Unlike in 2010, when the country's critics practically forced one movie, "The Hurt Locker", to the top of the Oscar heap, and unlike in 2011, when only two movies, "The King's Speech" and "The Social Network", battled for supremacy, the Oscar race for 2012 is wide open.

Of the 35 most recognized film organizations which bestow annual film awards, as of today, January 8, only three are remaining to name winners, and so far, the winners for 2012 are all over the place.

In the Best Picture race, three films are leading with the most critics' wins, "The Artist" with 11, "The Tree of Life" with 9, and "The Descendants" with 6. But don't count out Martin Scorcese's "Hugo", which has 2 wins, and is a crowd favorite. Look for the Best Picture race to be a four-way battle, with any of those films being capable of winning. We'll know more, of course, after the industry awards (Screen Actors Guild, Director's Guild, Producer's Guild, Writer's Guild, etc.), are handed out, the voters for which are also Oscar voters.

upper left: george clooney in "the descendants"; upper right: gary oldman in "tinker tailor soldier spy";
lower left: michael fassbender in "shame"; michael shannon in "take shelter"

In the Best Actor race, it looks to be a three man contest between crowd favorite, George Clooney for "The Descendants", and critics' faves, Michael Shannon for "Take Shelter ", and Michael Fassbender for "Shame". Clooney has 7 wins, so far, to Shannon's 6 and Fassbender's 5. Taking the fourth Oscar nomination slot will probably be Brad Pitt, who not only has 3 wins for "Moneyball", but is also riding a wave of critical acclaim for "The Tree of Life". The fifth Oscar slot will go to, either Jean Dujardin, with 2 wins for "The Artist" or Gary Oldman, with 1 win for "Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy". If we had to guess today, we'd think Gary Oldman will take the fifth spot over Dujardin because with Oldman's impressive performance, all of Hollywood is having one of those "uh oh" moments where they realize that after a lifetime of incredible performances, Oldman has never even been Oscar nominated, much less won one of the golden men. It'll be "Let's make up for lost time" with Oldman and Hollywood.

upper left: octavia spencer and viola davis in "the help"; upper right: michelle wiliams in "my week with marilyn";
lower left: meryl streep in "the iron lady"; tilda swinton in "we need to talk about kevin"

The Best Actress race is even more unsettled. Michelle Williams has a commanding lead with 10 wins for "My Week With Marilyn", but three other women are not be counted out. Tilda Swinton, always a critic favorite, has 5 wins for "We Need to Talk About Kevin", crowd favorite Viola Davis has 4 wins for her searing emotional turn in "The Help", and everyone's favorite, Meryl Streep, is once more in the running, with 3 wins for "The Iron Lady".

Swinton will be a contender, but in the end will be hurt by the fact that her film wasn't more popular and therefore wasn't seen by as many Oscar voters. Viola Davis starred in the most popular movie of the year, but we don't know if box office success will be enough to help her overcome Williams' overwhelming lead, and the need by Hollywood to finally, once again, recognize Streep as the "greatest actress of her generation". Streep, although nominated sixteen times for an Oscar, (this year will make #17) , she has only won twice, and the last one was in 1983, almost thirty years ago. The real guessing game will be who will take the fifth Oscar nomination slot. Contenders include Elizabeth Olsen, Rooney Mara, Anna Paquin and Kirsten Dunst. If we had to guess, we're thinking that while Olsen and Dunst will have their supporters, the fifth nomination will ultimately go to newcomer Rooney Mara, whose performance in "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo" is, all at once, shocking, breathtaking, unsettling and scary as hell. She'll be hard to ignore, and there'll be real fear in Hollywood by Oscar voters that if they do ignore her, she might just show up on their doorsteps with a nine-iron in her hands.

upper left: patton oswalt in "young adult"; upper right: albert brooks in "drive";
lower left: andrew serkis in "rise of the planet of the apes"; christopher plummer in "beginners"

The Supporting Actor race is the most settled. At this point, it's only a two man race, between Albert Brooks, who has a stunning 19 wins for "Drive", and sentimental favorite, Christopher Plummer, with 8 wins for "Beginners". In fact, of the 28 critics awards given out so far, Brooks and Plummer have won all but one of them. Nick Nolte has the only other win for "Warrior". As for who will win Oscar glory, it looks like the only thing that might keep Brooks from nabbing the prize would be Hollywood's desire to reward Plummer for a lifetime of great film roles, but sentimentality doesn't always win the day. We'll see. The hardest thing for Oscar voters will be trying to find two other actors to fill the nomination slots. Without the critics telling them who they should like, the oft-confused Oscar voters will be left to their own devices, and that means we can expect some wild, and off-the-wall choices. It will really come down to who campaigns the hardest.

One stand-out is Patton Oswalt, whose much-talked about performance in "Young Adult" who will probably earn him one of the nominations, and Kenneth Branagh might get some recognition for "My Week With Marilyn". But perhaps the riskiest choice being bandied is Andrew Serkis, who played Caesar the Ape in "Rise of the Planet of the Apes", without ever having actually being seen on camera. Serkis played Caesar in "performance capture" or CGI-assisted acting, the technology which allowed us to see Caesar onscreen, but with Serkis manning his body and facial movements. Serkis would be a risky choice for the normally staid Oscar voters, but considering that there are so few other supporting actors in the running this year, the Oscar crowd might just go for Serkis.

upper left: berenice bejo in "the artist"; upper right: george clooney and shailene woodley in "the descendants"
lower left: melissa mccarthy in "bridesmaids"; lower right: jessica chastain in "the tree of life"

For Supporting Actress, again we have an overall leader in Jessica Chastain, Hollywood's newest "it" girl, with 8 wins for "The Tree of Life", but you definitely cannot count out the other contenders. Newcomer Shailene Woodley has 5 wins for "The Descendants", Octavia Spencer has 4 wins for "The Help", and Melissa McCarthy has 3 wins for "Bridesmaids". The fifth nomination slot will probably go to Berenice Bejo, who starred in the break-out hit, "The Artist". Bejo has 2 wins from the critics. But while this race is probably the most settled in terms of who will take the Oscar nominations, as to who will actually walk off the stage that night holding the statue is up for grabs. As we said, Chastain has already won over the critics, but the Oscar race is never completely decided by critics, far from it. Many will be voting for crowd-pleasers Octavia Spencer and Melissa McCarthy, who turned in one of the funniest performances of the year. Trust us, this one won't be decided until the envelope is opened.

Now We Know Why Alcide Wasn't In Bon Temps Last Week

2011-06-30T04:55:00.000-07:00

When we watched the season premiere of HBO's "True Blood" this past Sunday night, we were disappointed that our favorite werewolf, Alcide, didn't make an appearance. Now we know why. He was hanging out in Greece with a couple of half-naked women, and they weren't Sookie.

Joe Manganiello, who plays Alcide on "True Blood", is gracing the pages of GQ Magazine, showing off that famously fantastic body. Finally, GQ! we were wondering when you were going to notice that Manganiello is one of the best looking guys in Hollywood. But we feel sorry for the designers of the clothes he's wearing; when you've got a guy who looks like Manganiello modeling clothes, who's going to notice what he's wearing?

We also feel bad for the tricky position in which magazines like GQ find themselves in 2011. You would think that in 2011, we've moved beyond tired, old traditional notions of masculinity and femininity, but not so. Because while GQ would like to probably feature someone like Joe Manganiello by himself with his shirt off, they can't, because "that would be too gay". So if you notice, in "men's" magazines like GQ, if they feature sexy half-naked men, those men have to be surrounded by incredibly sexy, half-naked women. This subtle trick makes it "okay" for hetero men who are desperately in fear of their own sexuality to look at photos of Manganiello's pecs and abs. GQ is telling those readers that Manganiello is aggressively hetero because he's about to mount, not one, but two supermodels, and therefore, it's okay if a you're a straight guy and you notice Maganiello's body. Manganiello's straight, so you can look at his body and still be straight. Confused? We know.

We have a suggestion. Why don't we just admit that everyone, men and women, wants to look good, and we, by our very human natures, look to and admire others who have the physical qualities that we'd like to have. Admiring someone's looks, man or woman, doesn't make one straight or gay. Okay, so get over it, scared straighties. Although, if you're a married man, and you're
taking these pages of GQ into your bathroom behind a locked door for a little private time with Joe Manganiello, then there might be a problem. Should we be calling your wife?

Princess Diana at 50

2011-06-29T05:43:00.000-07:00

Guess whose 50th birthday is tomorrow? Princess Diana would have celebrated the mid-century mark, and the Tina Brown-led Newsweek Magazine is featuring her on its cover, imagining what Diana's life would have been like today.

Brown mentioned this morning on MSNBC's "Morning Joe" that Diana was the first celebrity to figure out how to blend celebrity and philanthropy, pre-Bono and pre-Angelina Jolie. Brown speculates that Diana would have continued to develop that relationship and would have continued to be a "world celebrity", accessing her fame for charitable causes.

All we know is that her 50th birthday would have been a major blow-out, with Elton John singing, and every celebrity worth his/her salt trying to get an invitation. And we also have no doubt that, even at 50, Diana would have still looked absolutely fabulous.

ESPN: The New WASP

2011-06-29T05:26:00.000-07:00

Almost everyone's gotten the message that we live in a new, open global world, everyone except Republicans and the people over at American's premiere sports network, ESPN. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that the world of the 1950's, where only Heterosexual Male WASP's mattered, is over. Now we recognize that women do interesting things, that gay people actually exist and that what people do in other countries is of interest as well. But ESPN hasn't gotten the memo. Case in point: Today the top four male tennis players in the world, and maybe the four greatest players, collectively, of all time are playing at one of the world's most important sporting events, Wimbledon. But what were the guys on ESPN radio talking about this morning? Whether college football players are illegally selling their jerseys for money. Wow. They even mentioned at one point that because of the NFL lock-out, that it was a slow news period for sports. Again, wow. Hey ESPN, if the only sports you guys really care about, or know anything about, are football, basketball, and sometimes golf, then you've have to stop calling yourself a "sports network".

The Crazy Lady's In!

2011-06-28T06:49:00.000-07:00

The Crazy Lady's officially in. Michele Bachmann officially announced her candidacy for the presidency of the United States today, so she's making appearances on all the talk and news shows, and the crazy is pouring in faster than we can keep up with it.

Bachmann says so many bizarre things that it's honestly hard to keep it all straight. She's become such an easy target for comedians and late night talk show hosts that we can't imagine she can make a real run for the White House; it's hard to be taken seriously when you're a national punchline.

But all kidding aside, the woman's ideas are really "out there". We watched the videotape of her interview with George Stephanopoulos on "Good Morning America" this morning, and he asked her about her desire to eliminate the federal minimum wage. You have to watch the video clip several times, because the first or second time you listen to Bachmann's answer, it makes no sense. Finally, it becomes clear that she thinks the economy would be better if the minimum wage was eliminated because "more people would have more money to keep in their pockets". Still makes no sense? Okay, we'll break it down for you. Bachmann is a typical Republican who is beholden to Big Business and has little regard for the common American worker. And Big Business would be very happy if they could pay slave wages instead of a minimum wage so that their profits would go up. And Bachmann seems to be making that twisted Republican jump in logic that if Big Business could pay less in wages, and their profits went up, then that would somehow translate into a better economy in which the American people would pay less in taxes, which would mean "more money in our pockets". But even if that theory of trickle down economics was correct, (and it's not; our corporations are making record profits right now, and yet our economy is still in the dumpster), she seems to forget, (or not care?), that the elimination of the minimum wage would make it hard for some workers to literally survive.

And that's all you need to know about Michele Bachmann. Yes, she's a little nutty, (and all kidding aside, she really is a little nutty), but in the end, she's just another typical Republican who favors Big Business over the common American worker. And also typically Republican, she honestly believes in the theory of trickle down economics, even though it's been disproven time after time after time.

But we're by no means hoping that Michele Bachmann flames out of the presidential race anytime soon; her presence on the national scene is a goldmine for our comedians. And with this economy, we could use some laughs. You can just imagine Tina Fey in her office, working on her Michele Bachmann "Fargo-like" Minnesota accent as we speak. God, we hope so.

The Williams Sisters, and Maybe Rafa Nadal, Are Out

2011-06-27T16:37:00.000-07:00

Shockingly, just a short time after Serena was beaten at Wimbledon today, sister Venus also went down. Venus lost to Bulgarian Tsvetana Pironkova, the same player who beat her at last year's Wimbledon. It will be only the third time since 1999 that one of the Williams sisters will not win Wimbledon.

The message boards on several websites lit up today with charges of racism because the Wimbledon crowd cheered heartily against Serena today in her match with Marion Bartoli. Let us just say, we can almost guarantee that 98% of those people who think it's racist to cheer against Serena or Venus know nothing about sports, and therefore, have absolutely no idea what they're talking about. Throughout the history of sport, especially in tennis, the audience has always picked one person whom they root for, and very often, the audience roots for the underdog. It has nothing to do with race. If these people who are so casually accusing others of racism would do their homework, they'd find that whenever one player dominates tennis for awhile, the audience almost always cheers for their opponents. Cases in point: we can remember vividly when tennis crowds cheered against Martine Navritilova, Steffi Graf and Martina Hingis, and the last time we checked, none of those women are African Americans. Serena and Venus have dominated tennis for so many years now, you can feel a fatigue the audience has for them, especially when they easily beat their opponents in straight sets, robbing the audience of an interesting match. In last year's Wimbledon final, Serena dominated Vera Svonareva so thoroughly that it made the match boring and very disappointing. And Serena doesn't do herself any favors when she makes barely disguised swipes at the player who just defeated her, as she did today in her post-match press conference. But as we've said many times before, sport is all about the story, and the drama, and what better story was it today when Marion Bartoli, who almost never challenges Serena, was suddenly playing well enough to beat her. That's what the people were cheering for; they weren't cheering against a Black woman.

Someone fell asleep today at Wimbledon. We're guessing it was someone watching Maria Sharapova's match. The only thing more boring than watching Venus and Serena blow little girls off the court is Maria Sharapova's style of play. It's like watching paint dry, while someone's pulling your fingernails out.

Luckily, over on the men's side, as all the top men are still in the tournament. Pictured at right is Mikhail Youzhny, eating grass in his loss against Roger Federer today. Rafael Nadal beat Juan Martin del Potro in four sets today, but he might be out of the tournament with a foot injury. Let's hope not. And miraculously, we still have an American in the tournament. Mardy Fish beat Tomas Berdych today to advance to the quarterfinals.

Serena Goes Down

2011-06-27T07:17:00.000-07:00

There was tennis royalty joined by real royalty at Wimbledon Centre Court today. Billie Jean King, one of the all-time greats of tennis, was followed into the royal box today by William and Kate to watch Britain's hopeful, Andy Murray, in his match against Richard Gasquet. At one point, William turned around to King, whereupon it looked like he got a thirty minute lecture on the mechanics of tennis from the six-time Wimbledon champ. That'll teach you, William, to stay in your seat and keep your eyes straight ahead.

Just minutes ago, defending champion Serena Williams went out in straight sets to everybody's favorite little OCD'er, Frenchwoman Marion Bartoli. Williams' loss is not that big of a shock, Serena hasn't played tennis in a year, plus anyone who really knows tennis knows that Serena's hulking frame isn't built for a lot of running. If you can run Serena from side to side, you've got her, and Bartoli did just that, consistently painting the sidelines with crisp groundstrokes from side to side. With her recent injuries and increasing age, we're thinking this might be Serena's last best chance to take another Wimbledon crown.

Page Six Guy

2011-06-27T04:59:00.000-07:00

It's too early on a Monday morning, and we're grumpy. So what better way to wake up and start a long week than with an incredibly sexy Page Six Guy.

Today's Page Six Guy is magazine cover boy and underwear company owner, Todd Sanfield. When it comes to Sanfield's underwear company, we don't know if Sanfield actually designs the underwear or even actually owns the company, or if he's just lent his name to someone's else's company. But in the end, as long as Sanfield's wearing the underwear for a photographer's camera, does it really matter?

Finally!

2011-06-26T05:57:00.001-07:00

Finally! HBO's fourth season of "True Blood" starts tonight.

Thank you, Jesus. We've been without Alcide for way, way too long!

Fat, Rich and Funny as Hell

2011-06-25T06:11:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to one of the funniest comedians on the planet, Ricky Gervais. Gervais turns 50 today.

Gervais, a stand-up comedian and film actor, is probably best known for creating the British sitcom, "The Office", which was later made into an American sitcom starring Steve Carrell. To date, Gervais' "The Office", which was broadcast on American television on the BBC America network, is the only non-American sitcom to ever win the Emmy for Oustanding Comedy Series.

For our take on Gervais's controversial jokes at the 2011 Golden Globes Awards, click here.

An Historic Day

2011-06-25T05:50:00.001-07:00

It's an historic day in the United States. Last night, the New York State Senate passed a bill which would legalize gay marriage in the state of New York, and today, Gov. Andrew Cuomo signed the bill, making it state law.

(gov. andrew cuomo)

New York is not the first state to legalize gay marriage, but symbolically, New York's action might be the most important because many recognize New York City's famous Stonewall Inn as the site of the beginning of the gay civil rights movement in 1969.

(last night's revelers outside the historic stonewall inn in new york city)

We'll write more about this important day later, but for now, we'll just express how much we'd like to be in the wedding planning business in New York City right now. According to the legislation, gay marriages can begin in New York in just thirty days. Yes, our desire to be gay wedding planners is exceeded only by our desire, a year later, to be gay divorce attorneys. Hey, just saying.

Harrison Goes Down

2011-06-24T06:45:00.000-07:00

Well, Ryan Harrison, the new budding American tennis star, ended up losing his second round match at Wimbledon today to 7th seed, David Ferrer, after the match was suspended yesterday due to darkeness. He took Ferrer to five sets, losing the fifth at 2-5.

But it's okay, Harrison has all the skills to be the next great American tennis star. It's all there. He has the big serve of Pete Sampras, the pigeon-toed gait and two-handed backhand of Andre Agassi, the beautiful groundstrokes of Roger Federer, and even the temper of John McEnroe. In fact, it was probably his inability to control his emotions that lost his match today. But again, it's okay, he's only 19, and he'll learn quickly. What most impresses us most about Harrison is his versatility of shots; in addition to using a two-handed backhand, he also occasionally uses a one-handed backhand slice which is very effective. It's rare to see a "two-hander" also have the ability to use one hand when needed. Harrison's impressive Wimbledon debut follows an also impressive performance at last month's French Open, so all eyes will be on Harrison at the upcoming U.S. Open later this summer to see if he continues to improve.

On a sadder American tennis note, perennial loser Andy Roddick is currently behind, two sets to none, in his third round match against Feliciano Lopez. It looks like another early round exit for the once former #1 player in the world. Rupert Grint, pictured at left, of "Harry Potter" fame was spotted yesterday at Centre Court. Maybe Grint can wave a magic wand and give Andy Roddick a few desperately needed, free points. He needs them.

The Biebs is Selling His Stink

2011-06-23T21:36:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we wonder how people with an appalling lack of knowledge of pop culture get paying jobs to write about pop culture? Okay, who did they blow in the bathroom to get those jobs? Case in point: Justin Bieber is hawking his new women's perfume, and as part of his press tour for the fragrance, he appeared on last night's Letterman Show where he read the Top Ten List entitled "Top Ten Little-Known Facts About Justin Bieber". Letterman spent a lot of time talking about what a kid Bieber was, because quite honestly, he looks like he's a ten year-old boy. The whole bit, despite the fact that Bieber has absolutely no comedic ability, or charisma, was very funny. But then today, both Caryn Ganz on Yahoo and Matt Cherette on Gawker, wrote that the whole episode was "awkward" and wondered why Letterman dislikes Bieber so much? Really? Okay, again Ganz and Cherette, who did you blow? Seriously.

Letterman was clearly enjoying the bit, he was simply laughing about the fact that Bieber does, indeed, look much younger than his 17 years. Maybe the fact that Cherette is in his twenties and obviously has no understanding of, and therefore can't reference, anything that occurred in pop culture pre-2003 would account for the fact that he doesn't understand Letterman's humor. We don't know what Ganz's excuse is, she's in her mid-thirties. And even worse, Cherette had to have one of his readers explain to him why Paul Schaffer made a joke about shooting Bieber "from the hips down", obviously a reference to a previous pop idol, Elvis Presley, famously being shot from the hips-up on t.v. in the 1950's. Wow.

Below is the bit from last night's Letterman show. And while we're on it, the oddest thing to us about Justin Bieber is not the fact that he looks like he hasn't physically matured since the 5th grade, rather that... hair. What is that?

Can Harrison Do It?

2011-06-23T20:48:00.001-07:00

We've been begging for a long, long time for another great American tennis player, and it looks like our long, national tennis nightmare might finally be over. Ryan Harrison, the 19 year-old Shreveport native is already living up to his potential as American's next great tennis star.

We hinted a couple of days ago that Harrison might upset #7 seed David Ferrer today at Wimbledon, and so far, so good. He was leading two sets to one over Ferrer when the match was suspended for darkness. If he can come back tomorrow and finish off Ferrer, then he's got a chance to go far into the tournament. Laughingly, Andy Roddick commented about Harrison that he'd have to learn to control his emotions if he wants to become really great. Oh, right, this advice coming from a man, (Roddick), who because he never matured emotionally turned out to be one of the great American tennis under-achievers of all time. Maybe Roddick should just concentrate on getting past the third round of the tournament.

And speaking of whiners, Serena Williams was complaining today that she's had to play her past few matches on Court #2, instead of Court #1 or Centre Court. It is odd that the defending champion is not playing every match on Centre Court, but let's get real. Wimbledon is, at the end of the day, a business, and just a like t.v. programmers, the organizers of the tournament are going to schedule for the famed Centre Court the players with the most appeal. And frankly, most people are bored with Serena Williams' clunky, clydesdale horse-version of tennis. Williams is a great champion, no doubt, but her game is big and ugly and boring.

Okay, This is Hilarious

2011-06-22T09:55:00.000-07:00

For the uninitiated, the "Kiss Cam" has become a modern cultural institution at large sporting events. The Kiss Cam occurs during breaks in the game, when the camera finds random people in the audience, whose images are projected on the large jumbo screen inside the arena, and it's then expected that those people must kiss each other. For added effect, the Kiss Cam has also lit on same sex couples and certain celebrities. Almost everyone plays along, sometimes to great comic effect. Below is a recent example of two guys who just went for it, and good for them.

Following this recent example of the random hilarity of the Kiss Cam are other examples of celebrities who have been targeted in the past, mostly at Los Angeles Lakers' games.

Below: Justin Bateman and Dustin Hoffman; Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly;
Jack Nicholson and Billy Crystal; and Don Rickles and Barbara Sklar.

Wimbledon 2011 is Underway

2011-06-21T14:39:00.001-07:00

Day 2 of Wimbledon 2011 is in the history books, and although there haven't yet been any interesting upsets, there are already some interesting stories.

Serena Williams, who hasn't played for a year due to a freak foot injury and later life-threatening blood cots in the lungs, won her first round match, afterwhich she dissolved into tears. Williams, the defending women's champion, later commented about her emotional display, stating that she surprised even herself about how much it meant to be able to play tennis again, especially at Wimbledon.

Meanwhile, sister Venus might have won her first round match, but she didn't win the favor of the British press with her odd-looking attire. Venus wore what looked to be a terry-cloth jumper and was promptly pilloried in the press.

The top four male contenders for the Wimbledon crown, Federer, Djokovic, Murray and Nadal all won their first round matches easily, as did American John Isner. By strange coincidence, Isner had to play Nicholas Mahut, the same opponent whom he needed 11+ hours over the course of three days to defeat in last year's Wimbledon. Luckily for Isner, he ousted Mahut today in less than two hours.

American disappointments James Blake and Donald Young went out in the first round, but the young man who truly looks to be American's next greatest hope for tennis greatness, Ryan Harrison, won. Harrison was defeated in the final round of the qualifying tournament, which left him on the sidelines of the tournament, but then entered the main draw at the last minute when someone else pulled out. He has a tough 2nd Round match against 7th seed, David Ferrer, but if he can somehow pull out an upset against Ferrer, he's got a chance to go a couple of more rounds, where he would then probably meet powerhouse Jo-Wifried Tsonga, and then someone named Roger Federer.

And of course, when it comes to Americans, and especially when it comes to American disappointments, we'll always have Andy Roddick. You gotta hand it to Roddick, who hasn't won a Major tournament since the 2003 U.S. Open, for, if nothing else, his naive chutzpah. Roddick, who long ago stopped being a threat in men's tennis, stated today that he thought he could go "to the semi-finals or even the finals of this year's Wimbledon". Wow. Really? Has he forgotten that there are at least a dozen men who are also in the tournament who he has little chance of defeating? Poor Andy. But you can't blame him for his enthusiasm; he just defeated in straight sets little-known Andreas Beck, although he needed a tie-break to win the second set. What former #1 player in the world wouldn't be encouraged if he just beat the 156th ranked player in the world?

Let's get real here. Roddick will struggle to beat Victor Hanescu in the next round, and if manages to get past Hanescu, he'll next have Lopez or Schuettler, both of whom are dangerous players. And even if he manages to get past those two rounds, he'll next face Gael Monfils, who's currently playing the best tennis of his life. If Roddick somehow manages to get past Monfils, he'll face Andy Murray in the quarterfinals. Oh my. Yes, Andy Roddick, you're on your way; on your way straight to the dustbin of great American coulda'-shoulda'-woulda's.

Eating Michele Bachmann's Lunch

2011-06-21T10:37:00.001-07:00

Sgt. Maj. Michael Barrett, the top non-commissioned officer of the Marine Corps, recently spoke to American soldiers in South Korea about the upcoming repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell", and he said, among other things, "Get over it."

Sgt. Maj. Barrett pulled out a small copy of the U.S. Constitution and referred to Article 1, Section 8, and said, “It says, ‘Raise an army.’ It says absolutely nothing about race, color, creed, sexual orientation.” He then asked if everyone in the group joined the Marines to protect their nation, going on to say, “How dare we, then, exclude a group of people who want to do the same thing you do right now, something that is honorable and noble?” Sgt. Maj. Barrett ended his remarks by saying, “Get over it… Let’s just move on, treat everybody with firmness, fairness, dignity, compassion and respect. Let’s be Marines.”

Wow.

(sgt. maj. michael barrett, left,
with gen. james amos)

Sgt. Maj. Michael Barrett, with thirty years of service in the Marines, is the senior enlisted adviser to Marine Corps Commandant Gen. James Amos. Gen. Amos, who fought to retain DADT, told the Marine Corps Times that Barrett is "the best of the best".

Among the branches of the American military, the Marines are the most resistant to the repeal of DADT, but Sgt. Maj. Barrett told Military.com that he saw no evidence of Marines leaving because of the DADT repeal, saying, "It is important that we value the diversity and background and the culture and the skills that all the Marines bring to the service of the nation."

Now doesn't that make you feel great to know that we actually have some members of our military leadership who have their heads screwed on right? And doesn't that make Republicans like Michele Bachmann and John McCain, who are already small-minded about DADT, seem even smaller by comparison? And wouldn't you love to watch a nationally televised debate between Bachmann and Sgt. Maj. Barrett over the issue of DADT? We can already see it in our minds: the extent to which Sgt. Maj. Barrett would eat Bachmann's lunch would only be overshadowed by the extent to which Bachmann would still believe she knew more about the military than a marine with thirty years of service.

Page Six Guy

2011-06-20T07:30:00.000-07:00

It's hot as hell outside, and we're about to make it a little hotter with our newest Page Six Guy. Brodie Holland is a former professional Australian footballer, who also obviously enjoys being in front of camera.

In addition to his football and modeling career, Holland was also a contestant on Australia's "Dancing With the Stars" in 2005 where he finished in 4th place. We love it when professional athletes flip their middle finger to convention and out-dated sexual mores and revel in the fact that they look good with their clothes off. That kind of attitude sends most homophobic sports fans into a tail-spin, which makes it even more delicious that guys like Brodie Holland are confident enough in themselves to say to those fans, "Get over it." Now we just need more American pro athletes to follow Brodie Holland's lead.

Tiger Who?

2011-06-20T07:12:00.000-07:00

Rory McIlroy did not have a repeat of his Master's experience yesterday in the final round of the U.S. Open Golf Championship. He did not melt down, as some feared he might, and he won his first Major tournament with a record-breaking score.

As he was playing his last few holes, the commentator told us that years ago, McIlroy's father had sacrificed his own golf career, and then for the next several years worked over 100 hours per week to support his son's golfing chances. So it was a particularly nice moment that Rory's dad was there for a huge hug after the win.

What's funny about sports is how fast things change. Just a few short years ago, everyone was saying that "there will never be another golfer with the talent of Tiger Woods". And now, in the blink of an eye, another great golf prodigy has come along who is already breaking Tiger's records. Amazing.

Has Anyone Told the Republicans That The Current Miss U.S.A. is a Muslim?

2011-06-19T06:36:00.000-07:00

The Donald Trump-owned Miss U.S.A. Pageant is on t.v. tonight, and we can't wait. In an era when beauty pageants are on the decline, and some of them, like the Miss America Pageant are desperately scrambling to present themselves as something other than a High Level Tits-and-Ass Contest, Donald Trump makes no apologies. Instead of pretending that his beauties are rocket scientists, he chose to double-down in the past few years and allowed his contestants to have boob jobs and let them wear skimpier and skimpier bikinis. Hell, yeah! And what makes tonight's show even more enticing is the news that the questions the finalists will be asked have been written to engineer controversy. The topics of the questions include problems with nude photos and evolution. Oh my. Evidently Trump is hoping for another Carrie Prejean "opposite marriage" controversy, which was huge for the pageant's ratings. Don't worry, Donald, you got us; we'll be watching!

Click here for our take on last year's hilarious Miss Universe costume parade.

Happy Father's Day

2011-06-19T06:22:00.000-07:00

The Huffington Post ran this photo today of Pres. Barack Obama and daughter Sasha enjoying a moment of fun in 2007. What a precious representation of Father's Day, right?

What HuffPo is not telling you is that the reason the two are so happy is that they just ran over Michele Bachmann.

All That For a Little White Fabric With Some Pleats

2011-06-18T20:50:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we wrote that Marilyn Monroe's "subway dress" from "The Seven Year Itch" was expected to sell for $2 million today at the auction held by movie legend Debbie Reynolds. Reynolds was selling off her forty year collection of famous movie costumes and props. Well, hold on to your hats. Monroe's white Trevilla dress went for $4.6 million. Wow. No word yet as to the identity of the buyer.

Saturday Sports

2011-06-18T18:57:00.000-07:00

We've said many times before, it's the "story" that makes sports so exciting. Watching a perfect throw, or perfect tennis stroke, or perfect run is awe-inspiring, no doubt, but what elevates sports to levels of drama worthy of winning an Oscar is the "human story" behind the athletic endeavor. And one of those great stories is unfolding this weekend at the U.S. Open Golf Championship.

Northern Irishman Rory McIlroy held a huge lead this past April at the Master's Golf Championship, but shockingly, he imploded on the last nine holes, and ended up in 15th place. His meltdown was so incredible, it was actually hard to watch. But he held his head up high, he didn't complain or whine, and now, just a few weeks later, he is dominating the second of the four major golf tournaments of the year. With only one day left in the tournament, McIlroy is at 14-under, with his closest competitor at 6-under. He's also just set the all-time record for three rounds with a score of 199. Everyone is rooting for McIlroy to win his first major, but what adds tension to the story is the fear in everyone's minds that he might experience another Masters-like meltdown on the final day, and once again, blow his chances for a win. Let's hope not. McIlroy is also electrifying the golf world because he's proving that there is, indeed, life after Tiger.

Wimbledon starts on Monday, but before we preview this year's championship, we want to first take a moment to recognize a bit of history. 2011 is the 50th anniversary of the first Wimbledon win for one of the game's greatest players, Billie Jean King. The 17 year-old King, who then went by her maiden name, Billie Jean Moffitt, won the Women's Doubles Championship in 1961 with partner Karen Susman. King would go on to win her first singles championship at Wimbledon in 1966.

Now for the present Wimbledon. It's rare to have more than one, or maybe two, men who have a real chance to win at Wimbledon, and this year we have four. Federer, Nadal, Djokovic and Murray all have a real chance to take the trophy, which makes this one of the most anticipated Wimbledon's in a long time. There's always a chance that someone else could slip in and play the role of "spoiler", but the way that the top four men are playing right now, that looks doubtful. Sadly, for America, we still don't have anyone on the men's side who has a real chance to make the finals; Roddick, Isner and Fish are all expected to flame out early. And the two best up-and-comer Americans won't be in the tournament this year: Bjorn Fratangelo, who just won the French Open Juniors Championship, opted not to play Wimbledon this year, and Ryan Harrison was just defeated today in the final round of the qualifying tournament, so he won't be in the main bracket unless someone else pulls out with an injury.

It's okay, though, as much as we'd like to see another great American tennis champion come along, we are practically drooling for the second week of Wimbledon to see what epic match-ups will take place between the current top four players, Federer, Nadal, Djokovic and Murray, who all very much want to win. The great story-lines are all in place: Federer very much wants to take his seventh Wimbledon title to prove to all the doubters that his era of greatness is not yet over; Nadal wants to take his third Wimbledon and eleventh Grand Slam title, despite the fact that he claims he has no interest in being called one of the "greatest ever", trust us, he does. Andy Murray is desperate to take his first Wimbledon, providing Great Britain with their first hometown champion since the 1930's, and Djokovic is still smarting from losing at the French Open and having his perfect 2011 match record ended. Look for a very exciting second week on the grass. We can't wait.

Dress You Up In My Love

2011-06-17T05:58:00.000-07:00

It's all about the dresses today, and there are some famous ones in the news.

First up came the news a few days ago that whatever Kate Middleton, the new Duchess of Cambridge, wears, is golden. Several online companies which sell knock-offs of Kate's outfits reported last week that whatever dress Kate has worn in public in the past few weeks immediately sells out online. Some of her dress knock-offs sold out in minutes, especially the one she wore in May when she met U.S. First Lady Michelle Obama. As you can imagine, every designer in the world worth his/her salt is drooling for Kate to don one of their creations. Kate might not still be Princess Diana, but in star power, she's getting close.

Lady Gaga's infamous meat dress, which she wore on the 2010 MTV music awards show, and which was actually made of meat, will be on display at The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland as part of an exhibit on women in rock. Evidently, the museum's curators dried the dress in an effort to preserve it, which gave it a "dried jerky" look, so the dress had to be painted to recreate its original look.

Can you imagine if Kate Middleton wore a dress made of pork chops? There wouldn't be a pig left in Britain.

And finally, Hollywood legend Debbie Reynolds is auctioning off several legendary Hollywood outfits. Reynolds started collecting famous movie costumes back in the 1970's in an effort to rescue them when the studios began discarding them to the trash bins. Reynolds has spent millions over the years to create the most famous and comprehensive movie costume collection on earth, always with the hope that she could one day open a museum to permanently display the items. But financial problems are forcing Reynolds to sell the famous pieces in an auction which will take place tomorrow. Items up for sale include Reynold's own dress which she wore during the "Good Morning" number in the film, "Singin' In The Rain", (shown at right), as well as several of Elizabeth Taylor's costumes, including those from her "Cleopatra" movie.

But perhaps the most famous item going on the auction block will be Marilyn Monroe's iconic "subway dress" from the film, "The Seven Year Itch". The white, pleated number is expected to fetch over $2 million dollars. Wow.

The classic shot of Marilyn Monroe's dress blowing up around her legs as she stands over a subway grating, (shown here with co-star Tom Ewell), was originally shot on Manhattan's Lexington Avenue at 52nd St. on Sept. 15, 1954 at 1 AM. 5,000 onlookers whistled and cheered through take after take as Marilyn repeatedly missed her lines. Monroe's husband, baseball legend Joe DiMaggio, was watching the whole thing and became increasingly embarrassed and angry by the scene. The original footage shot on that night in New York never made it to the screen; the noise of the crowd had made it unusable. So director Billy Wilder re-staged the scene on the 20th Century Fox lot, on a set replicating Lexington Avenue, and got a more satisfactory result. However, it took another 40 takes for Marilyn to achieve the famous scene.

Someone Other Than Anthony Weiner Who Dropped His Underwear

2011-06-16T14:13:00.000-07:00

Happy 38th Birthday to actor and Hollywood scandal-monger, Eddie Cibrian. Cibrian started out in 1993 as a janitor cleaning up other people's messes on "Saved By the Bell: The College Years", and then came full circle last year by creating a Hollywood mess of his own by cheating on his wife with country singer Leann Rimes, (click here).

After sharing the small screen with Screech, Cibrian quickly transitioned into a career which was more about his abs than his acting skills, on "The Young and the Restless", "Baywatch Nights" and "Sunset Beach". Perhaps Cibrian's most famous moment of near nudity was his cameo in the 1998 movie "Living Out Loud" in when he played a masseur who was only too eager to drop his undies for lonely divorcee, Holly Hunter. Finally in 1999, Cibrian got a role in which he was allowed to remain mostly clothed on the t.v. series, "Third Watch", followed by a 2008 turn on "Ugly Betty", and for the past two years co-starred on "CSI: Miami". Cibrian weathered his recent tabloid headlines with Leann Rimes, finally marrying her in April 2011, but then unfortunately, we just found out today that Cibrian's contract with "CSI: Miami" has not been renewed for next season. Ouch. Do you think he found out on his birthday?

Next up for Cibrian is the t.v. movie, "The Playboy Club", which chronicles the history of the original Playboy Club in 1960's Chicago. We're guessing that one will be just a sexed-up "Mad Men", right? Cibrian is currently filming Tyler Perry's next movie, "Good Deeds".

Crazy Times Ten

2011-06-15T19:09:00.000-07:00

Well, the reviews are in for the Monday night's Republican Debate, and by all accounts, the winners, according to the media, were Mitt Romney and Michele Bachmann. Oh god, hang on for just a second while we shit our pants...

Okay, we're back. Michele Bachmann? Really? Listen, we've written many times about how lazy mainstream journalists are, and how completely inadequate they are at doing their jobs these days. But this is ridiculous. Case in point: just a few short weeks ago, Chris Matthews of MSNBC's "Hardball" and Joe Scarborough of MSNBC's "Morning Joe" were literally, and we do mean literally, laughing at Michele Bachmann for what a certifiable nut-job she was. Bachmann has single-handedly made the phrase "batshit crazy" popular in the past year. And now, after one debate in which she didn't chew her hair and drool down her chin, these same "journalists" are calling her a credible candidate. Jesus Q. Christ! Come on!

Don't worry, you can always count on us to tell you the truth, even if Matthews and Scarborough are afraid to. And the truth is that Michele Bachmann is still batshit crazy. Period. This is a woman who doesn't understand homosexuality, and she lets her extreme religious beliefs guide her political decision-making, among many other qualities which usually indicate loose screws. As we said yesterday, (click here), you can't really take someone seriously who in 2010 still doesn't understand homosexuality, and the last time we had a president who let his religious beliefs make his political decisions, (George W. Bush in 2001), we lost eight years of precious, desperately needed federal funding for stem cell research. Many people have forgotten Bush's first few months in office, pre-9/11 attack. He only did two things in those early days: he played a lot of golf, and he had to decide whether or not to support federal funding for stem cell research. After much "thought", Bush ended up letting his religious advisors convince him that stem cell research was evil and would lead to "baby-killing". Later, Pres. Obama lifted that ban on funding, and since that time, the stem cell research community has made stunning, unbelievable strides in the march toward curing diseases for which we thought we'd never find cures. And we would be even eight years further down that research path if we hadn't lost those years to a backwoods, Bible-thumping President. And with Michele Bachmann as president, that's exactly what we'd get all over again. Do you really want to go back to those days?

So we need Chris Matthews and Joe Scarborough, and many other "journalists" to continue laughing at Michele Bachmann, and laughing loudly. She is a joke, and we cannot for one second afford to let anyone think that she could credibly lead this country as president. And don't worry, Chris and Joe, that someone might think you're not a serious journalists if you laugh publicly at a presidential candidate, no one really considers you serious journalists now.

It was just a few months ago that Bachmann told Chris Matthews on his show that certain members of Congress needed to be investigated for their possible Un-American ties, (we're guessing she's never heard of Joe McCarthy), and even more recently she tried to give a national address on t.v. and ended up staring at the wrong camera the entire time, which prompted a devastating Kristen Wiig parody on "Saturday Night Live". People, this new polished Michele Bachmann is the same Michele Bachmann from those recent events, and no amount of lipstick is going to change that pig.

Playing to the Crazies

2011-06-14T05:41:00.000-07:00

The loonies took the stage last night in New Hampshire. Yes, that's right, the seven Republicans, (we thought about calling them "The Seven Dwarves", but it wouldn't work because they'd all be named Dopey), who want to be President of the United States held another "debate" last night. If you didn't see it, you didn't miss anything. It was basically two hours of "we have to cut spending, but we can't raise taxes" pablum. And what a friendly crowd they were playing to, instead of anyone asking them how they'd help everyone to have health care, one lady stood up and asked them what they were going to do to repeal "ObamaCare". Not exactly challenging stuff for this bunch.

Listen, there were a lot of issues discussed last night, but here's all you really need to know. At one point, the Repubs were asked what they thought of gay marriage and "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" being repealed in the military. And all seven of them, Rick Santorum, Michele Bachmann, Newt Gingrich, Mitt Romney, Ron Paul, Tim Pawlenty and Herman Cain, were against gay marriage and all thought that DADT should not have been repealed. And that's all you need to know. If, in 2012, someone out there still doesn't understand the whole gay thing, he or she is either incredibly naive, incredibly homophobic or just incredibly stupid. And the United States of America cannot afford to have a president who is naive, homophobic or stupid. If you still can't wrap your head around a simple issue of basic human biology like homosexuality, then there's no way you're mentally equipped to deal with the economy, the budget, foreign policy or health care. Case closed, and goodnight, nurse.

The Biggest Loser: LeBron James or Brooke Shields?

2011-06-13T13:20:00.001-07:00

Last night we were flipping back and forth between The Tony Awards and Game #6 of the NBA finals. Oddly enough, even though The Tonys were celebrating an industry which is all about story-telling, the better story was over at the basketball game.

(sutton foster with the cast of "anything goes")

First, though, the Tonys. Let us just say, it was a hell of a show. It was funny, entertaining, self-deprecating and at times even dazzling. Whomever produced last night's show has their thumb on it; the formula for the show was near perfect. It was all about stars, but not too many, (the Broadway "no-names" were given their due as well); the humor was fast-paced and well-delivered, and when all else failed, the producers realized it was smart to just let the musical numbers do the talking. Come on, who isn't entertained by Sutton Foster singing and tap-dancing? Bitch, please! The difference between the Tony show and this year's Oscar show was like the difference between spending a day at the beach compared to spending a day at a funeral home.

(is it Whoopie Goldberg, or Hagrid from "Harry Potter"?)

There were low moments last night, though. The opening number of the show, sung by host Neil Patrick Harris, was very impressive, but it was the writing behind the song, ("Broadway's just not for gays anymore"), that was particularly clever, not Harris's delivery. Sorry, people, but Doogie Howser is just not nearly as talented, funny or entertaining as what CBS wants you to believe. Imagine how much funnier that song could have been if sung by someone with real comedic chops, such as a Billy Crystal, Harvey Fierstein or Robin Williams. The other two head-scratching moments of the show came when Whoopi Goldberg walked out, (seriously, what the fuck was she wearing?), and when that towering titan of talent, Brooke Shields flubbed her lines during the opening number. Later Shields explained that she was asked at the last moment to participate in the song, but it was two lines! Sometimes the smallest moments in life are the most telling, and that one moment was perfectly indicative of why Brooke Shields has no business doing anything in the entertainment business other than donning a pair of Calvin's and staring at a camera. Without speaking.

Just as we predicted, "The Book of Mormon" won everything in sight, and we were thrilled to see our old friend, John Benjamin Hickey, finally win his first Tony. The funniest moment of the show came when Chris Rock came out to give the award for Best Musical, which everyone knew would be "The Book of Mormon". At that moment in the show, Dallas had just beaten Miami to win the NBA Championship, and so Rock said, "If you had told me two years ago that I'd miss the best basketball game ever to hang out with Nathan Lane, I'd have told you you were crazy! But here I am." Rock is making his Broadway debut in "The Motherfucker With The Hat", which made his next line funny, "I can remember my first musical like it was yesterday. Because it was yesterday." And he topped off his segment by saying, "Okay, I'm here to give the Tony for Best Musical, but come on, we all know what the Best Musical is, (referring to reading the names of the nominees for suspense), this is like taking a hooker to dinner. It's a waste of time!" Very funny stuff.

So, yes, Oscar producers, we really hope you were watching last night and taking notes. The Tony show producers get it: when staging a show about Broadway shows, give your audience the most entertaining parts of those shows. Hey, what a concept! The Grammy show producers get it, too; their show has always been about the year's best music performed live by the year's hottest singers and bands. So Oscars, here's a hint, when staging a show about the year's best movies, show lots and lots of clips of the year's best movies. We know, it's a stretch, but if you want to attract ratings, instead of letting bug-eyed Anne Hathaway lead another pep rally from hell while her stoner boyfriend, James Franco, is passed out under the bleachers, show big, loud clips from one of the "Transformers" movies, or clips of movies with lots of bombs exploding and cars crashing. That's the Hollywood of today, and that's what the teen boys will tune in to see. But we digress.

(the 2011 nba champion dallas mavericks: dirk nowitzki is second from left, jason kidd in the center)

As we said earlier, the better story of the night was over at the basketball game. It was Game #6 of the NBA Championship, and in case you've been living in a cave this year, let us summarize the epic story-line for you. LeBron James is indisputedly the biggest basketball star on the planet. His talent is so massive that he went straight from high school in to the pros in 2003, and became a star overnight. His world-wide star wattage grew exponentially when he led the U.S. Olympic Basketball team to a gold medal at the 2008 Olympics in Beijing, but then, this past year, he up and quit his Cleveland team to move to Miami to play with his old pals, Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh. James was branded a "traitor" and a "sell-out" for leaving Cleveland, and in a milli-second, James went from being one of the most beloved athletes on the planet to being one of the most reviled. So when Miami won their way to meet Dallas in the NBA finals, a classic story was set; LeBron and company were the overwhelming favorites to easily beat the older, more "Bad News Bears" Dallas team of Dirk Nowitzkiand Jason Kidd. But then a funny thing happened on the way to the Sport Illustrated cover, Dallas put their heads down and played real, old-fashioned, gutsy basketball, and they beat Miami for the championship, four games to two.

The win was sweet redemption for Nowitzki, whom LeBron and others had actually made fun of earlier in the week when Nowitzki revealed that he was playing while sick with the flu, and it was especially sweet for 38 year-old Jason Kidd, who had been to the NBA finals twice before with the New Jersey Nets, but had never won the crown. But most of all, Dallas's win was unbelievably delicious for the people of Cleveland and all the other LeBron James haters out there. Just as we've said before, in sports, it's all about the story that people want to see played out; sports is a drama just like the best plays of Broadway, and the underdog Dallas Mavericks beating the much-vaunted Miami Heat was a dream story come true.

(lebron james with dirk nowitzki behind)

LeBron's collapse in the biggest moments of the six game series was all they could talk about today on ESPN radio. One commentator even suggested that James might have a mental defect which causes him to be afraid of the big moments in the games. That's funny. Listen, we've got a much more plausible theory, one that involves the big elephant in the room when it comes to NBA basketball. During the regular season, most NBA teams don't play real basketball; playing defense is non-existent. So all during the regular season, big guys like LeBron James are allowed to take the lane at will and dunk the ball without any resistance. It's what most NBA fans want to see; they don't want to see a real basketball game, they just want to see a "highlight reel" of dunk after dunk after dunk. But a funny thing happens during the NBA play-offs, and especially during the Finals. Most teams really want to win the NBA Championship, and so during the play-offs, they actually begin to play what we know as the game of basketball, complete with real defense. And thus, while watching the games between Dallas and Miami these past few days, it wasn't LeBron's collapse that we saw, but his inability to deal with a team that was really trying to guard him. And in that regard, LeBron is no different than any other basketball player; when you're double-teamed for the entire game, it's a little hard to be able to do whatever you want. What we saw was not LeBron's collapse, but a real human being who wasn't used to having to work so hard to play his normal game. Just like a Brooke Shields who is asked to act and sing, LeBron James was stunned, and simply didn't know what to do.

Tony Awards 2011 Preview

2011-06-12T15:09:00.001-07:00

Okay, in case you're in a quandry over whether to spend your Sunday night watching The Tony Awards or the NBA basketball game, let us make the choice easier for you. We'll go ahead and tell you everything you're going to see on The Tonys tonight so your t.v. viewing decision will be a little easier.

1. "The Book of Mormon" is going to win everything. Oh, sure, there'll be a few other winners only because "Mormon" wasn't nominated in every single category, but don't be shocked when the outpouring of love for "The Book of Mormon" reaches epic proportions.

2. In acting categories in which famous Hollywood stars are up against no-name Broadway actors, the famous stars almost always win. Tony voters are often no better at critically judging acting performances than Oscar voters, thus when all else fails, the Tony voter usually defaults to the more famous name.

3. Once again, we will be treated to, (forced to endure), the mediocre, often hapless "talent" that is Neil Patrick Harris. Harris will host The Tonys where he'll "sing", try to crack jokes and mug mercilessly for the camera. Okay, we get it, CBS, no one will watch The Tony's unless the host is famous, but is Harris, with his titanic forehead, the best you can do? Really? Come on, there's got to be someone out there who can actually sing, who is actually funny, and someone not nearly as irritating as Harris. James Franco's probably not doing anything tonight, is it too late to give him a call?

4. There will be lots and lots of singing and dancing, thank god. We're especially looking forward to watching our friend, Nick Adams, perform in a number from "Priscilla, Queen of the Desert". And we can't wait to see Sutton Foster perform, arguably one of the Broadway's greatest talents. Luckily, the rousing musical numbers will make up for having to listen to Neil Patrick Harris.

The Tony Awards, along with the Oscars, Grammys and Emmys, are considered to be the four major awards of the entertainment business. But unlike movies, music and t.v., which are easily accessible to every American, The Tonys are given for Broadway shows, which by their very nature are only seen by a very small number of people. Thus the built-in problem that the Tonys have every year in trying to convince Americans to watch the awards show, much less care about the shows it's promoting. It's hard for anyone to get excited about an award for a show they've never seen, and so begats the desperate pandering to mainstream American tastes which in turns gives us Neil Patrick Harris and loads of cameos by Hollywood stars at the cost of showcasing real Broadway performers who are much more deserving of our attention.

We've always wondered why The American Theatre Wing, the organization which gives out The Tonys, doesn't team up with PBS for a few weeks each year, prior to the Tony Awards, and show the Broadway shows which are up for Tonys. Okay, we know what you're thinking, if the Broadway shows are broadcast on t.v., then no one will show up at the theaters to watch them live. But each show could be filmed with its original cast, held in reserve, and when the show closes, then it could be shown on t.v. The t.v. broadcast would hurt the ticket sales for future road shows of each show, no doubt, but what Broadway needs more than anything else is exposure, and there's no better way to expose Americans to the richness of theater than to let more Americans see that theater.

Weiner-Gate: Much Ado About Nothing

2011-06-12T06:52:00.000-07:00

Up til now, we've avoided commenting on the Anthony Weiner "scandal", mainly because even worse than we hate Weiner's stupid personal mistakes, we hate the self-righteous sactimony of the other Congressmen calling for his resignation.

Full disclosure here: we love Anthony Weiner. He's a fantastic Congressmen, he's one of the few Democrats who's not afraid to fight for Democratic values, and as evidenced by this photo of Weiner at the 2008 New York Gay Pride Parade, he's a great friend to the gay community.

But most of the Democrats in Congress are lining up to call for Weiner's resignation, while not surprising, a majority of his constituents want him to remain in office. So the classic chicken and egg question arises: Who gets to say who's in Congress - The other Congressmen, or the people who elected him? If people in a particular congressional district want a particular person to represent them in Congress, who are the other Congressmen to say that that person can't be in Congress? Most of the rest of the country were appalled that an ignorant, backwoods hate-monger like Jesse Helms was in Congress for so many years, but his constituents kept electing him, and so the other Congressmen had to accept him and work with him. Is Weiner any different?

As for Weiner himself, yes, what he did was stupid, and he definitely never should have lied. But again, it's just very hard for us join the lynch mob when the Dems who are suddenly so disgusted by Weiner have absolutely no problem ignoring the crimes of Wall Street which almost bankrupted the nation or ignoring the ongoing disaster which are the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, not to mention Libya. Priorities, people, priorities.

It's especially laughable that someone like Sen. Mark Pryor of Arkansas, who is routinely mentioned as one of the least effectual members of Congress, was the first Democratic Senator to call for Weiner's resignation. Sen. Pryor, if you remember, was also the Congressmen, who in Bill Maher's documentary, "Religulous", stated that "you don't have to pass an I.Q. test to be a member of Congress." We would suggest to Sen. Pryor and others like him in Congress, that maybe they should focus on doing their jobs instead of wasting their time in silly political witch-hunts.

Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places

2011-06-11T09:02:00.000-07:00

London's The Sunday Times writer Lynn Barber is most famous for being played by Carey Mulligan in the 2009 movie, "An Education", for which Mulligan received an Oscar nomination, but that's not what got Barber death threats last week. No, Barber's famous tales of sleeping with lots and lots of men didn't raise the world's ire, but her recent interview with Rafael Nadal did. The most controversial item in the interview was Barber's hint that Nadal might be gay, but the main jist of the piece was that Nadal is "over-handled" and is leading a bizarro, strangled life of all work and no play. And by no "play", Barber is talking about a sex life. Barber pondered many times in the article how a young, vital 25 year-old can survive without sex, but of course, Barber is only speculating that Nadal is nookie-free. Nadal supposedly has a girlfriend, but no one outside of his very tight inner-circle knows the truth. Anyway, the world-wide fans of Nadal, who just won his sixth French Open title, went beserk, threatening Barber's life and coming to a quick and spirited defense of their idol.

It's funny that Barber's article was published when it was, because after watching Nadal's French Open win last week, we caught ourselves thinking, "Why can't we get more excited about this guy?". We're certainly not about to go down the ill-advised path that Sports Illustrated Magazine trod back in the 1980's with its famous piece on Ivan Lendl, (click here), but we can't help but see the similarities between Nadal and Lendl. Back in the 1980's, the Connors/McEnroe tennis era, which electrified American sports fans and helped to make tennis incredibly popular in the U.S., was coming to an end, and in its place came a new champion, Czechoslovakian Ivan Lendl. Lendl was a great champion, but to say that he played with no emotion and no fireworks is an understatement. He was the embodiment of the stereotype of the robotic Soviet-bloc athlete who wins his games, but in the process wins no fans. To Americans, who like their sports heroes to wear their hearts on their sleeves, Lendl was the anti-Christ.

And now comes Nadal, who plays with a similar machine-like attitude with little emotion. Yes, he jumps in the air and pumps his fists, but other than that, he has absolutely no personality. Unlike other sports stars like Roger Federer and Tiger Woods, Nadal appears in no American t.v. commercials, and he barely speaks to the press. Part of the reason for Nadal's silence is the fact that he struggles to speak English, but even when he does, he has very little of interest to say. Now we're not about to say that only bright, shiny objects catch our attention; we don't need our sports stars to rant and rave, ala John McEnroe, for us to love them. We were big fans of Ivan Lendl back in the day, and he barely even smiled. But an athlete has to do something to endear himself to us, and so we're sorry to say this, but for all of Nadal's success, he just bores us. In fact, there are times when we don't even like him.

Maybe Nadal's lack of popularity in America has something to do with the era in which he's playing. When Lendl played, he proved to be the perfect antithesis for the much fierier McEnroe; in other words, for all those people who wanted to see the spoiled-brat McEnroe get his come-uppance, Lendl was our savior. But when Nadal wins, he more often than not ruins the storyline that most people want to see. Among the top four men in tennis, everyone wants to see Federer win to see how many more Grand Slams he can win; they want to see Andy Murray win to become Great Britain's first tennis champion in eighty years, and they want to see Novak Djokovic win because he's just so darn funny and likable. So when Nadal defeats these guys, instead of receiving the love, he instead earns scorn for ruining the storybook ending we would rather have seen.

It's a shame, because Nadal himself is very likable. He might be a little OCD, and the butt-picking is more than we can take, but the way that he shows concern for his opponents right after he crushes their dreams is genuinely touching. And the fact that he modestly refuses to believe that he is better than Roger Federer, even though he routinely beats him, is a sign of inspiring maturity. But for some reason, it just doesn't work. We just can't work ourselves up to love Nadal, or to cheer for him to win. Maybe one day it will all change; maybe the storyline will shift, and Nadal will become the underdog for whom we'll cheer. But it's going to take a lot for that to happen, and at this point, we wouldn't count on it.

Page Six Guy

2011-06-10T10:26:00.000-07:00

If you didn't already realize that Americans still have a lot of strange, unnatural hang-ups about the male body and male sexuality, you need to look no further than the current hysteria over Congressman Anthony Weiner's Twitter pics.

But luckily, some male models have absolutey no problems with the male form, particularly with showing their own. Today's Page Six Guy is one of our favorite models, Illinoian Bobby Momenteller, who is also a bodybuilder and singer.

(momenteller in a stunning shot by
photographer justin monroe)

There's no shortage of guys out there with great faces and bodies who like to show-off these days, but for real art to be created, a model has to disregard all his hang-ups and insecurities to give himself completely over to the photographer's vision. And that ain't easy. But Bobby Momenteller has evolved in a short time into a real artist, especially in his work with the incredibly talented photographer Justin Monroe. Momenteller goes beyond being merely a pretty prop, he's got something real going on behind those cat-like eyes, and his ability to express real emotion has helped him to create images which will stand the test of time as real art.

Sixteen Candles

2011-06-09T16:45:00.000-07:00

Three Hollywood heavyweights are celebrating birthdays today.

Original Reagan-savant, Alex P. Keaton, or Michael J. Fox, turns 50 today. Fox won three Emmy Awards in the 1980's for his famous role on the popular sitcom,
"Family Ties", and then went on to star in the one of the biggest comedic movies of all time, "Back to the Future".

Fox scored a rare "Hollywood Daily Double" when he had a second successful sitcom,
"Spin City" in the 1990's. Fox won two more Emmys in his career after "Family Ties", one for "Spin City" and another in 2009 for a guest appearance on "Rescue Me".

To see photos taken at the recent TV Land Awards where Fox reunited with his "Family Ties" castmates, click here.

Johnny Depp is only two years behind Michael J. Fox; he turns 48 today. Depp started out on the 80's cop show, "21 Jump Street", and quickly transitioned to movie stardom, starring in such films as "Edward Scissorhands", "Ed Wood", "Donnie Brasco", "Sleepy Hollow", "Chocolat" and "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory". But, of course, Depp is currently raking in billions, literally, by starring in the string of "Pirates of the Caribbean" movies.

Depp has been nominated for an Oscar three times, in 2004 for the first
"Pirates" movie, in
2005 for "Finding Neverland", and in 2008 for "Sweeney Todd". Depp has come full circle in his career as he's currently filming the big screen adaptation of his 80's t.v. show, "21 Jump Street", but the Depp film about which we are the most excited is the upcoming "Dark Shadows", in which Depp plays the famous 1960's t.v. vampire, Barnabas Collins.

And finally, current holder of the Oscar for Best Actress, Natalie Portman, celebrated her 30th birthday today.

Portman started out as a child actress, making her feature film debut in 1994 in "Leon: The Professional", but of course shot to fame five years later in "Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace" as Queen Amidala. Before winning the Oscar this year, Portman received one other Oscar nomination, in 2005 for Best Supporting Actress for "The Closer".

Andrew Gold 1951-2011

2011-06-07T06:21:00.000-07:00

Andrew Gold, 59, one of the founders and shapers of the Southern California pop/rock sound which dominated pop music in the 1970's, died on Friday at his home in Encino, California of cancer and/or a heart attack.

Guitarist and pianist Andrew Gold was barely out of high school when he joined Linda Ronstadt's band, The Stone Poneys, later playing on and arranging many of her albums, including her breakout 1974 album, "Heart Like a Wheel". Gold became a much-sought after musician who worked with singers such as James Taylor, Carly Simon, Maria Muldaur, Art Garfunkel, Paul McCartney, Cher and Jackson Browne. Along with Waddy Wachtel and Kenny Edwards, Gold helped to define the Southern California sound made popular by Ronstadt, The Eagles, J.D. Souther, Karla Bonoff, The Doobie Brothers and Boz Scaggs, among many others. Gold is typical of the type of musician who never became a household name, yet within the music industry was a certifiable superstar. For a great example of Gold's "anonymous" work, listen to Linda Ronstadt's first #1 hit, "You're No Good", on which Gold is doing all the guitar work.

In addition to his instrumental, arranging and back-up vocal work for other artists, Gold also had hits of his own. In 1977, he scored a #7 hit with "Lonely Boy", and the following year made it to #25 with "Thank You For Being a Friend", which later became the theme song for the t.v. show, "The Golden Girls".

It was probably inevitable that Gold would find a career in music. His father was Ernest Gold, who wrote the Oscar-winning score for the movie "Exodus", as well as scores for "Judgment at Nuremberg" and "Ship of Fools". Gold's mother is Marni Nixon, a classically trained soprano who performed on Broadway and with the New York Philharmonic, but is best known for dubbing the movie singing voices of Natalie Wood in “West Side Story” and Audrey Hepburn in “My Fair Lady.” Oddly enough, Andrew Gold never learned to formally read music; Gold's mother, Ms. Nixon, said that Andrew played music "by ear".

"Lonely Boy" by Andrew Gold

2011-06-07T06:19:00.001-07:00

Andrew Gold performing his hit, "Lonely Boy" on "The Midnight Special" t.v. show in 1977.

Absolutely Frivolous

2011-06-06T06:41:00.001-07:00

Welcome to a new episode of the British sitcom, "Absolutely Frivolous". Today we join those wacky royals at The Epsom Derby.

Prince William: Where is Jeeves with the car, dammit? I need a ride over to the refreshment stand for a grape Slurpee.

Kate: Yes, and where is my lady-in-waiting? My forehead is damp with exertion, I need a royal kleenex. She's always late. Wills, darling, are we still allowed to throw someone in the castle dungeon?

Royal Hanger-On'er: There goes my tailor across the infield to bet on the horses; he was supposed to hem my pants. And now I'm standing here in pants which are much too long. I look like a douche.

Prince William: Make that a "royal douche".

Prince William and Kate (chuckling): Chor, chor, chor, chor!

Princess Eugenie: Oh, Cousin Kate, I was down at the paddy, looking at the horses, and one of the trainers asked me if I was running in the sweepstakes race! He thought I was one of the horses!

Kate: Now, now, Eugenie. Have you taken a look at your family lately? You come by it naturally, dear.

Princess Eugenie: Waaaahhh!

Kate: Buck up, Eugenie, cameras are everywhere. And speaking of which, stand closer to me dear, next to you, I look even thinner than normal. Oh, fuck yeah!

Prince Harry: Oh my god, look! The Queen fell over. Holy shit, people, we're one step closer to the throne!

Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie: Hurrah!

Prince Phillip: Hello, people. Hello, hello. I'm Prince Phillip, and my diapers are wet. Mummy!

The Future of American Tennis?

2011-06-05T09:47:00.000-07:00

One more item of note from this year's French Open. Pittsburgh native Bjorn Fratangelo won the Junior Boys Division of the Grand Slam, becoming the first American man to do so since John McEnroe won it in 1977. His win, coupled with a quickly maturing fellow American on the tour, Ryan Harrison, might just signal the next great wave of American tennis players. Let's hope.

Oh, and in case, you were wondering, yes, Bjorn Fratangelo was named for the tennis great Bjorn Borg, whom the young Fratangelo's father reportedly idolized.

Same Story, Different Day

2011-06-05T09:22:00.001-07:00

Well, we thought we were going to see something different at this year's French Open. Novak Djokovic was having the tennis year of his life, even beating Rafael Nadal twice in the finals of clay court tournaments, Nadal was a little shaky on clay for the first time in his career, and Federer was safely out of play in the rare, (for him), #3 position. So the dream story was being written; everyone was hoping for a Djokovic/Nadal French Open final where Djokovic might just do the unthinkable: beat Nadal in the finals.

But it was not to be, and in the end, we reverted back to the same old script of the past few years, with unfortunately, the same sad, disappointing result. Federer defeated Djokovic in the semi-finals, and then met Nadal in the finals today where Federer did what he always does, he just folded under the pressure and just went away. Federer started off the first set like a man possessed, totally controlling the match, racing out to a 5-2 lead. But then, as he always does against Nadal on clay, he just disappeared before our very eyes. Fucker! Nadal won the next eight games in a row, and went on to win the match in four sets. With his victory, Nadal won his sixth French Open, tying the great Bjorn Borg with the most all-time wins at Roland Garros.

We'll never understand how the greatest player in the sport, Federer, can just completely fold against only one player, Nadal, on only one surface, clay. And Federer disappointed us twice this week, first by interrupting the better story which would have been a Djokovic/Nadal final, and then, second, by losing so quickly, once again, in the final. But now that we've gotten our anger out at Roger, we can give him a little credit. He has made the finals of the French Open four times, which would arguably make him currently the second best player on clay, and certainly in the top ten of all time, and he's not the only great player in the sport to have an career achilles heel. McEnroe, Connors and Sampras never won the French, Borg never won the U.S. Open, and Lendl never won Wimbledon. Federer did win the French in 2009, just not against Nadal in the final. So even though Roger definitely disappointed us in the past couple of days, he's still probably the greatest player of all time, and nothing will ever take that away from him. Okay, now, everyone feel better? Right, now, on to Wimbledon!

Page Six Guy

2011-06-04T09:33:00.000-07:00

We're long overdue for a new Page Six Guy, so today we give you our second edition of photos from Morne Coetzer, a South African model living and working in London. We rarely have repeat appearances on our Page Six, but in Morne's case, as long as he's taking photos, we'll be more than happy to publish them.

Click here for our previous Page Six Guy feature with Morne Coetzer.

A Different Kind of History

2011-06-04T08:58:00.000-07:00

Well, history is indeed being made at this year's French Open, but not the kind we expected. We really thought Novak Djokovic would extend his unbeaten win streak for 2011, not only breaking John McEnroe's 1984 record of a 42-0 start to a year, but would also win his first French Open title. Wrong.

Unfortunately for Djokovic, it seems that Roger Federer didn't like the fact that he's been considered an afterthought for most of this year, and he took out all his frustrations yesterday in the semi-finals on Novak. Federer beat Djokovic in four sets, ending Novak's win streak at 41 straight matches, and set up another Federer/Nadal Grand Slam final.

What was unusual about the match was the emotion with which Federer played. Always stoic, always one to keep his emotions bottled up on the court, Federer was in rare form yesterday, screaming and yelling at times, leaving no doubt to the thousands of crazed, screaming French fans that this match meant a lot to him. And when he won, Federer held up a "#1" finger, wagging it in the air, almost to say to the tennis world, "Now who's the best player in the world?" If you missed the match, we're sorry, because John McEnroe and many others commented that it was one of the best matches Federer had ever played; and for a storied career like his, that's saying a lot.

There's a lot on the line tomorrow in the Federer/Nadal final. If Nadal wins, he'll tie Bjorn Borg's record of six French titles, and if Federer wins, it will be his second French, and 19th Grand Slam title overall. But it'll be a tough one for Federer, he's never beaten Nadal at the French Open.

History was made today over on the women's side when Li Na defeated Italy's Francesca Schiavone to become the first Chinese player, man or woman, to win a Grand Slam tennis tournament. Something like 50 million Chinese people were watching the match on t.v. today; something tells us that in about five years, there will be a whole pack of young Chinese girls coming up through the ranks of the tennis world.

One last note on Novak Djokovic's win streak. As we said before, he only needed one more win to tie McEnroe's 27 year-old record, and if Fabio Fognini hadn't pulled out of the quarterfinals with an injury, we're almost certain Djokovic would have had it. It's a shame that he lost the record on a fluke.

Ask and You Shall Receive

2011-06-02T17:20:00.001-07:00

Wow. Less than 24 hours after we begged someone to defeat Maria Sharapova at The French Open, boom! Li Na granted our wish. Thank you Li Na. And now Li Na is in her second straight Grand Slam final; she lost to Kim Clijsters at this year's Australian Open.

(Click here to read why we so badly wanted Sharapova's demise.)

We also wished for someone to smack the obnoxious Sharapova in the back of the head with a tennis ball, and by damn, Li Na almost granted that wish as well. At one point in their match today, Li Na served the ball, not aware that Sharapova had turned her back on the serve once again. Unfortunately, the ball didn't bean Sharapova in the head, but at least the attempt was made. Thank you, Li Na, you are our goddess.

The Vampire Sharapova Rises... Where's a Wooden Stake When You Need One?

2011-06-01T13:27:00.001-07:00

We're down to the semi-finals at The 2011 French Open, and the men and women seemed to have switched places in the tennis world in the past few years. All through the 1980's and 90's, in the four Grand Slam tournaments of the year, you could almost always count on the top four seeded women making the semi-finals, while the men were all over the place, the top seeds losing in the early rounds, putting some strange, unexpected players in the semis. Now it's flipped; while the top four men in the sport, Djokovic, Federer, Nadal and Murray almost always seem to find their places in the semi-finals, this year's French no exception, on the women's side it's a free-for-all. Today's semifinalists on the women's side of The French Open are the 11th seed playing the 5th seed, (Bartoli vs. Schiavone), and the 6th seed playing the 7th seed, (Li vs. Sharapova). The women's tour is definitely going through a transition period, with the past decade's top players, Serena, Venus, Kim Clijsters and Justine Henin leaving the game, with no younger players yet ready to dominate the next era of the sport.

When it comes to Novak Djokovic breaking John McEnroe's 1984 record of a 42-0 win streak to start the year, it just got a little trickier. When Djokovic won his 4th Round match, his record for the year stood at 41-0. His unseeded, almost unknown opponent in the quarterfinals, Fabio Fognini, looked to be an easy win for Djokovic, which would give Djokovic a tie with McEnroe's twenty-seven year-old record. But then Fognini pulled out of the tournament, which put Djokovic in the semi-finals, but Djokovic wasn't given credit for the win, keeping his record for the year at 41-0. So now to tie McEnroe's record, Djokovic has to defeat Roger Federer in the semi-finals, ouch!, and to break the record he'll have to beat, (probably), Rafael Nadal in the finals. Double ouch. It's a tough haul, but something tells us that Djokovic will do it.

And speaking of the women's side of tennis, would someone, please, for the love of god defeat Maria Sharapova? Watching this woman's game is painful; watching her play actually makes us hurt. Sharapova, who already holds three Grand Slam titles, is experiencing a career resurgence after being away from the game for awhile due to injuries. But she has to be the single most obnoxious player in the sport of tennis. It's not the fact that she loudly barks like a seal everytime she strikes the ball that's so annoying, although that is very annoying, no, it's Maria's
"gamesmanship" which is so torturous. Sharapova is determined to slow the game down, (she plays better when the pace of the game is slow), and so after every single point she takes the maximum amount of time allowed before serving. It makes watching her play even less exciting than watching paint dry. But where Maria deserves a slap on the wrist is when she subtly breaks one of the first rules of tennis, which states that the receiver must play at the speed of the server. In other words, when you're receiving, it's your responsiblity to be on the line, ready to receive the serve when the server is ready to serve. Instead, Maria turns her back on the server after every point, pretending to adjust her racket strings, forcing the server to wait. She's not technically breaking a rule, but the tactic is rude and obnoxious. We're hoping that at some point in their semi-final match that Li Na will go ahead and serve the ball to a back-turned Sharapova and whack her right in the back of the head. It might not correct Sharapova's unsportsmanlike behavior, but it would certainly make us feel better. Come on, Li, we're begging you!

Something in the Water

2011-06-01T07:19:00.001-07:00

We've mentioned before how there are certain days of the year in which more than one famous celebrity shares the same birthday, but in the case of this day, June 1, two entertainment legends not only share the birth day, but also the same birth year. Both Marilyn Monroe and Andy Griffith were born on June 1, 1926. Griffith is still with us at age 85, and of course Marilyn died at 36 in 1962.

Marilyn went from a pretty young starlet, shown here in an early studio pubicity still, to become one of the 20th Century's most potent sex goddesses. Suspicions still abound about her death, whether it was really a suicide or whether someone had her killed, and at this point, we'll probably never know the full truth. But regardless of her untimely end, luckily we still get to enjoy her magnificent presence on film, and what a presence it was. Marilyn was sexy, funny, she could sing; she was far more talented, and much smarter, than anybody ever really probably knew. If you've not seen a lot of Monroe's movies, just watch "Some Like It Hot", and in that one movie, it's all there, the sexy playfulness, but also the real, insecure searching that framed Marilyn's real life off-screen.

Andy Griffith started out in early t.v. and movies, most notably in 1957 in Elia Kazan's prophetic "A Face in the Crowd", (if you wonder how our politics become so corrupt, all you have to do to understand is watch this movie), and then he struck gold with his own self-titled sitcom. "The Andy Griffith Show", 1960-68, is still regarded, even fifty years later, as one of the top five sitcoms of all time. It's interesting to note that in the first year of the show, Andy was supposed to be the comedian on the show, but when Don Knotts got bigger laughs as "Barney Fife", Griffith settled into the role of straight man. Griffith went on to star in another hit t.v. drama for nine years, "Matlock", in the late 80's, and has worked for over fifty years in countless other movies and t.v. shows. He also received a Tony nomination in 1955 for his role in the Broadway play, "No Time For Sergeants". Most recently, Griffith got into trouble with the Sarah Palin crowd when he made a commercial extolling the benefits of Pres. Obama's new health care law for senior citizens. The Tea Baggers were not happy.

Oh, and if June 1 being the birthday of two legendary entertainers like Andy Griffith and Marily Monroe are not impressive enough for you, June 1 also marks the birthday of another little actor you might have heard of. He only pops up in every other movie made, and has an Oscar on his mantle to show for it. Morgan Freeman, who turns 74 today, won his Oscar for "Million Dollar Baby", and has been nominated four other times. Inexplicably, he wasn't nominated for "Unforgiven", which we actually think is one of his best performances. But most of all, we love Morgan Freeman because if not for his early hipster role on "The Electric Company" in the early 70's when we were kids, we might never have learned to count.

Is This a P.F. Chang's?

2011-05-31T06:48:00.000-07:00

We watched "The Hangover II" last night, and we woke up this morning, still laughing. Literally.

In comedy, laughs come from one of two things, either the "situation", or simply from one-liners. When thinking of the "situation comedies" which got the biggest laughs from the set up and delivery of a situation, think "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" or "The Dick Van Dyke Show". Comedies that made their living off hilarious one-liners were "Cheers" and "Friends". In "The Hangover II", the situation is non-existent, or at best, it's a carbon copy of the situation from the first "Hangover", but it doesn't matter because the one-liners are some of the funniest we've ever heard. Writing a funny one-liner is only half the equation, though, you also have to have a comedic actor who can deliver the one-liner and make it funny. And in Zach Galifianakas and Ken Jeong, you have the reason why "The Hangover II" is breaking major box office records; those two actors' ability to deliver a funny one-liner is genius.

It's sad that someone of Ed Helms comedic ability is almost relegated to "straight man" status in "The Hangover II", but when you've got Galifianakas and Jeong, why try to compete? Just sit back and enjoy the ride. Galifianakas plays the goofy innocent to perfection; his delivery is quiet and subtle, but listen carefully, almost every word he utters will have you on the floor. We're still laughing at the question he asks when walking into a Buddhist temple. And Jeong is the comedic equivalent of singer Reba McEntire, who made a career out of milking sixteen syllables out a two-syllable word. Jeong can extend one word in a line and almost force the funny out of a line that on the written page probably wasn't even that humorous. In one particular scene, his explanation for his computer password was priceless.

The critics are tagging "The Hangover II" as too raunchy, but we disagree. We're the first to deride a comedy that's raunchy for raunchy's sake, and which has no other redeeming value, (think "There's Something About Mary": the film equivalent of a 13 year-old boy making armpit noises). But "The Hangover II"'s raunch is perfectly placed and suits the situation and tone of the movie; it's not there to exploit and cheapen, it's there to heighten. There is a difference. But again, we go back to the importance of the cast of a movie. When Galifianakas and Jeong are framing the raunch, you can't help but enjoy it; on the other hand, when you're saddled with "There's Something About Mary"'s Ben Stiller and Cameron Diaz, who have never been funny, then the raunch just makes one feel so cheap and insulted that only a long, hot shower will wash the "stupid" away. And not to sound corny, but "The Hangover II" has a heart; the guys really care about each other and other people around them. The characters are not cruel or without feeling, another element which elevates "The Hangover II" above other movies in the "raunch" genre.

There's also a lot of discussion in "The Hangover II" about the use of male genitalia for comedy. Of course, some of the same critics deriding this "last frontier" of comedy have probably never said a word about the decades we've spent watching women's hooters used as comedic props. All we can say is, "Grow up, people, it's a whole new world out there, and turnabout is fairplay."

Congrats to "The Hangover II". You made us laugh out loud, and even as we write this post today, when we think about some of the lines in the movie, we're still laughing. But as enjoyable as the movie was, we can't wait to see what happens next with Zach Galifianakas and Ken Jeong's careers. Welcome to the bigtime, boys!

This Is Funny

2011-05-30T08:57:00.001-07:00

To help publicize his book, "States of Confusion", Paul Jury made this very funny two minute video which pokes fun at all fifty states. That's fifty-one states if you're Sarah Palin. Enjoy.

The Greatest "Trivalry" in Sports

2011-05-29T11:54:00.000-07:00

Novak Djokovic beat Richard Gasquet in straight sets today at The French Open, putting him at 41-0 for the year, and just one win away from tying John McEnroe's record of starting the 1984 year with a 42-0 win streak.

But Djokovic isn't the only man making tennis history this week. There's still another player in the tournament you might have heard of named Roger Federer. Federer defeated his Swiss countrymen, Stanislas Wawrinka today, putting him in the quarterfinals, and remarkably, he has now made at least the quarterfinals of 28 straight Grand Slam tournaments. That's an incredible record. If not for Federer's two losses last year in the quarterfinals of the French and Wimbledon, Federer would have made 28 straight Major semi-finals.

But Federer's 28 quarterfinals pales in comparison to the all-time record, held by Chris Evert. Evert, in a stretch from 1971 to 1983, made at least the semi-finals of all 34 Grand Slam tournaments she entered. That's a stunning achievement in sport.

(chris evert)

With Djokovic now finally beating Federer and Nadal consistently, we have a three-way domination of the sport of tennis. Mary Carillo, commenting today at The French Open for NBC, coined a new term for the Federer/Nadal/Djokovic stranglehold on tennis; she said that "we no longer have a rivalry in tennis, we have a 'trivalry'." Clever.

Jeff Conaway 1950-2011

2011-05-28T11:43:00.000-07:00

Veteran t.v., movie and Broadway actor, Jeff Conaway, died yesterday morning in California after being in a coma since May 11. Conaway struggled for years with drug abuse; he once told Howard Stern in an interview that he had attempted suicide twenty-one times.

Conaway made his film debut in 1971, and never stopped working over the years, despite his problems with substance abuse. He is, of course, most famous for his role as "Kenickie" in the movie,
"Grease", and as "Bobby Wheeler" on the hit sitcom "Taxi", 1978-82. Although Conaway played Kenickie in the movie version of Grease, he actually played the leading role of Danny Zuko in the one of the early Broadway casts of the show. While filming "Grease", Conaway met his co-star Olivia Newton-John's sister, Rona, at a party, and married her in 1980, their marriage lasting for five years. Some obituaries today are stating that Conaway and Newton-John had a son named Emerson, while other obits are stating that Conaway had no biological children, and that Emerson was Conaway's step-son. Emerson, oddly enough, is not a singer nor an actor, but a successful race-car driver.

Evidently, Conaway's substance abuse problems go way back. "Taxi" writer Sam Simon said in a 2008 interview that once, during the filming of the popular sitcom, Conaway was found in his dressing room, too high to perform. His dialogue in that particular episode had to be divided among the other cast members. And in addition to alcohol and other substances, Conaway was also addicted to painkillers, which he claimed to have started taking because of an injury he suffered to his back while filming the "Greased Lightening" musical number in the movie "Grease".

Conaway also appeared on "Celebrity Rehab" with Dr. Drew, and if that wasn't bad enough, even former "Grease" cast-mate, John Travolta, took Conaway to his Church of Scientology in an attempt to help Conaway overcome his drug problems. Wow. Now you know that Conaway's drug problem was serious; Dr. Drew's help would be enough to help most of us get clean, but you know that Conaway had one very serious, scary problem if going to the Scientology building with John Travolta wasn't enough to scare him straight. Jesus!

Only Three Wins Away

2011-05-28T11:20:00.000-07:00

It looks like tennis history is about to be made. All eyes were on the Novak Djokovic/Juan Martin del Potro match yesterday, (and today), at the French Open. Why was their match so hyped? Because since 2005, only two players other than Roger Federer or Rafael Nadal have won Grand Slam tournaments, those two players being Djokovic and del Potro. Djokovic won this year's Australian Open, as well as the one in 2008, and del Potro won last year's U.S. Open. So if anybody had a chance to end Djokovic's unbeaten season, everyone guessed it might be the Argentine star. But it was not to be. Djokovic is playing like a man obsessed, and he took out del Potrol in four sets. Djokovic is now at 40-0 for the year, only three wins away from breaking John McEnroe's 1984 record.

John McEnroe stated last week that he thought Djokovic's win streak was already better than his in 1984 because the depth of competition in tennis is so much greater now. McEnroe also said today, while commenting on the tennis match on NBC, that he wasn't even aware that he held the all-time record for best starts to a year, but in vintage McEnroe style, he stated he was happy for the publicity.

Next up for Djokovic is the French player, Richard Gasquet, who is enjoying a career resurgence after being banned from the sport for two years for cocaine use. But as good as Gasquet is, (he has one of the most beautiful backhands in tennis), we don't think he'll beat Djokovic. We'll soon see, they play tomorrow.

Let's Get It On

2011-05-27T07:29:00.001-07:00

Speaking of GQ Magazine, this month's cover boy is Bon Temps, Louisiana's sexiest vampire, Alexander Skarsgard. GQ reminds us that the fourth season of HBO's "True Blood" is about to begin, and we can't wait.

But Note to Alan Ball, producer of "True Blood": Please, for the love of god, let Eric Northman, (Skarsgard), get it on with somebody this season. Poor Eric is constantly teased by Sookie, only to have his horny hopes dashed time after time. He has some other vampires who he's "made" that he could have at anytime, but come on... Pam? That bitch is one cold fish. At one point last season, Eric was getting hot and heavy with Talbot, another male vampire, but sadly, that was just a ruse so Eric could stake him, ending his life. Oh, man.

Come on, "True Blood", Eric deserves some tail. Right? We've said it before, and we'll say it again, it's not too late to bring back Eggs, (Mehcad Brooks). Just saying.

(mehcad brooks)

Does Kim Know?

2011-05-27T05:39:00.000-07:00

Kris Humphries, a pro basketball player for the New Jersey Nets, has proposed to reality star Kim Kardashian, bestowing her with a $2 million dollar engagement ring which is bigger than some people's cars.

But that's the not the real news. Humphries is clearly gay, and we wonder if Kim knows? We're talking about the fact that Humphries is appearing in the current issue of GQ Magazine in several pairs of shorts which are shockingly, above his knee. And as most straight men, and even a lot of straight women out there will tell you, for a man to wear shorts above the knee is so gay, gay, gay! It's okay for a man to show his pecs and abs, even push his pants down to his pubes to show off those sexy hip lines, but for a man to show some thigh, oh my god, that's so effeminate!

We're joking, of course. We're talking about a subject that we've written about before, (click here), the fact that men's shorts have been knee-length for so many years, that most younger Americans have no memory of when men's shorts were actually short. Knee-length shorts for men came into vogue in the 1950's, then fell out of favor for the decades of the 60's, 70's and 80's, becoming the style once again in the early 90's. But fashion never stays the same forever, and all those guys out there who are desperately afraid that their chicken legs might expose their femininity had better get to the gym for some leg presses, because men's shorts are finally starting to inch back upwards.

Saint Oprah

2011-05-26T05:47:00.000-07:00

Oprah is done. The final episode of her twenty-five year-long talk show was aired yesterday. For months, the entire world of media speculated who would be on the final episode and how Oprah would end it, and in the end, it was classic Oprah: uplifting, a little preachy and most definitely all about Oprah.

Listen, as we said the other day, we give mountains of props to the daytime queen. She made the decision years ago to raise her show above the "trash" genre on which so many other daytime talk shows of the day were overdosing, she made reading books popular again, she genuinely inspired millions to live better lives, she raised millions for charity, and at times she could be hilariously entertaining. And when it mattered most, she was always a great friend to and defender of the gay community.

But Oprah over the years could also be a little preachy with the "living your best life" message, and sometimes she could get swallowed up in her own self-importance. Yes, she has done great things, but when calling attention to one's greatness, it's best left for others to do that for you, not to do it yourself. In the end, when it mattered most, a little modesty on her final show would have gone a lot farther for Oprah. Oprah held the stage all by herself for the entire hour, droning on and on about how grateful she was that she could help so many lives; by the end it was just a little too much. The tone in which she dispensed the wise life lessons she's learned, one got the feeling she'd been to Mt. Sinai where the gospel of Oprah had been etched in stone for her, and now it was her holy mission to dispense that wisdom to all those dancing around the golden calf.

Of course, there's a big elephant in the room. Oprah, over the past few years, has grown fat again. It's a little hard to accept "taking control of one's life" advice from someone who can't even control her own food portions.

But that's okay, as we said, we love Oprah, and she most certainly deserves many accolades for her positive contribution to society. But how much more would we have loved her if, for her final episode, instead of devolving into a "I'm letting you worship the goddess one last time" session, Oprah would have simply run a show of the funniest and most heart-warming moments from her twenty-five years on t.v. Not long from now, no one will remember Oprah's "best life" advice, instead Oprah's real legacy are all those classic t.v. moments, the funny ones, the sad ones, the life-affirming ones. Because despite what many think of her, including one Jada Pinkett-Smith who should really get some help, Oprah is not Ghandi, she's not Winston Churchill, she's not even Mother Teresa, but she was a kick-ass t.v. talk show host who hosted a hell of a talk show and who managed to help a few people along the way. That's not Jesus-level stuff, but it's a damn-great accomplishment.

So now, Oprah, gather up your dogs, rent them another $1,000 dollar a night hotel room of their own, eat some more pie with Gail, and have a party, girl. You deserve it. Oh, and don't forget to swing by Disney World; if it's closed, it's okay, you can buy it. Now that's a "great life"!

Nearly the Greatest Upset of All Time

2011-05-25T05:27:00.000-07:00

Yesterday at The French Open we very nearly witnessed the greatest upset in the history of tennis. Rafael Nadal has played in The French Open six times, winning it five times. If he wins this year, he'll equal Bjorn Borg's record of six French Open championships. To say that he's the greatest clay court tennis player of all time is probably undeniable at this point. Yesterday, he played his first round match against unseeded American John Isner, who became famous at last year's Wimbledon for playing the longest match in tennis history. No problem for Nadal, right? Not so fast.

Isner played what might have been the match of his life, at one point leading Nadal two sets to one. Nadal was in trouble. The match went the distance, Nadal narrowly winning the fifth set at 6-4. If five-time champion Nadal had lost in the first round of Roland Garros, the loss would have been historic and jaw-droppingly shocking. If you ask us, Nadal's shaky play shows that he is clearly rattled by his two recent losses on clay to a storming Novak Djokovic.

On a better note for American tennis, we said last year, (click here), that Shreveport, Louisiana native, Ryan Harrison, might be the future of tennis for a struggling American program. Harrison attempted to get into this year's French Open by winning his way through the qualifying tournament, but he lost. But then when Benjamin Becker from the withdrew from the tournament with an injury, Harrison got his spot. Unfortunately for Harrison, he had to play Sweden's Robin Soderling, who was in the finals of the two most recent French Open's, where he defeated Nadal one year and Federer the next. No one expected Harrison to win, but he did take the second set from Soderling before he lost the match, and he showed remarkable composure and confidence.

Unless something goes wrong in the future, it looks like 19 year-old Ryan Harrison does indeed have all the skills to become the next great American champion. But although Harrison's tennis career is on the rise, we would probably advise Harrison to learn some other languages if he wants to have any friends on the world tennis circuit, because it doesn't look like he's going to have the company of any other American men.

Tennessee: The Stupidest State?

2011-05-24T05:30:00.000-07:00

Remember last year when Bill Maher conducted a "stupidest state" contest on his HBO show, "Real Time"? If Maher were to rerun the contest, Tennessee would win hands-down. There wouldn't even be any close runners-up.

(tennessee gov. bill haslam)

Right on the heels of the Tennessee State Senate passing a "Don't Say Gay" bill, (click here), Gov. Bill Haslam signed new legislation into law last night which would prohibit cities in the state from passing anti-discrimination laws protecting LGBT individuals. The bill, HB 600/SB 632, would bar local governments from instituting anti-discrimination policies that are stricter than the ones in force at the state level. Under state law, it is not illegal to discriminate against someone on the basis of gender identity or sexual orientation. The city of Nashville already had a strong civil rights ordinance protecting LGBT's, but the new state law would immediately void it.

The new law has already caused a rift between the state and the major corporations which do business there. The Tennessee Chamber of Commerce lobbied for the bill, claiming that differing ordinances from city to city would create "a burden" on companies who wish to do business across the state, but unfortunately for them, many major corporations disagree. Whirlpool said that it "opposes this legislation, which runs counter to our core values of diversity and inclusion." Comcast issued a statement which said that the company "absolutely disagrees with the Tennessee bill: 'At Comcast, we believe it's simple: discrimination is wrong.'" Many other national corporations which have strong diversity policies, including protections and benefits for gays and lesbians, agreed with Whirlpool and Comcast.

We wonder how quickly this new law would disappear if suddenly many large national corporations left the state of Tennessee citing a little known corporate rule which forbades the corporations from doing business with a state mired in hopeless stupidity?

Tennessee Gov. Bill Haslam's biography sounds like he came straight out of central casting for the Republican Party. Haslam went to a private prep school, he went to an elite private college where he belonged to a young people's Christian organization, then he worked for his father, who owned an oil company. A multi-millionaire, Haslam spent over $8 million of his own money just to win the primary in his run for Governor. Wow. Sounds like if the people of Tennessee aren't happy with what's going on in their state, maybe they should start looking for politicians who are a little more in touch with what it's like for real people out there, and not just those at the country club. Ironically, (considering that Haslam just helped to create an anti-gay state law), Haslam once worked for Saks Fifth Avenue, a company which wouldn't exist without gay people. Please.

Tennessee's quick retreat to the 19th Century aside, politically, we have to say we told you so. Last fall, when it looked like the Republicans would take control of the U.S. House, we told you not to worry, that Republicans always find a way to quickly shoot themselves in the foot, and their majority wouldn't last long. And how true that prediction is turning out to be. While the Repubs ran on a simple promise of jobs, jobs, jobs!, on a national level they've so far spent all their time trying to destroy Medicare, and on local and state levels, they're pushing wacky and devisive stuff like this new Tennessee anti-gay law. Let's see, combine pissing off the majority of the country with the inability to pass any job bills, and voila! you've got the recipe for the biggest beatdown of the Republicans in 2012 we've seen in decades. Bring it on, bitches!

Douche of the Day

2011-05-23T14:12:00.000-07:00

Today's Douche of the Day is Rep. Rob Woodall, (R-Ga), who recently tried to explain to senior citizens at a town hall meeting in Dacula, Georgia why he wanted to take away their Medicare.

One woman asked what she would do without Medicare since the company she retired from provided no retirement pension. Woodall chided her by saying, "Hear yourself, ma'am. Hear yourself. You want the government to take care of you, because your employer decided not to take care of you. My question is, 'When do I decide I'm going to take care of me?'"

Another woman tried to explain to Woodall that the Republican plan to provide vouchers to pay for health insurance wouldn't cover her health insurance in the same way that Medicare does. At that point, Woodall hinted that if she and others want "socialized medicine" that they are free to move to Canada or some other country with socialized medicine. Wow.

What's even more sad than Woodall's comments are the senior citizens in the room who stood up and applauded Woodall's comments, apparently agreeing with Woodall's self-righteous need to condemn those who desperately depend on Medicare. Oh my, Jesus would be so proud.

Remember that while Woodall and his fellow Republicans are decrying those who won't "take responsibility for themselves", they are all making salaries over $100,000 per year paid for by us, the taxpayers. They also receive their health benefits and a life-long pension paid for by, yes, you guessed it, us, the taxpayers. Oh, and don't forget that they also regularly vote themselves pay raises and increases to their pensions. To say that their actions smack of hypocrisy is a gigantic understatement; in fact, we need to invent a new word for something bigger than normal hypocrisy. We need a word to describe huge, gigantic hypocrisy committed by people who have absolutely no shame, much less a sense of morals or ethics.

In 2006, some retired members of Congress received annual pensions of over $60,000, while the average pension for retired Congress persons was $35,000. Those sums don't sound like a lot, but when you add in their Social Security payments of another $20,000 to $30,000 per year, some retired Congress persons are hauling in anywhere from $90,000 to $50,000 per year, all on the taxpayer dime. How many retired people do you know in your community who would kill to receive an annual paycheck of $90,000, or even $50,000? Most seniors receive less than $20,000 per year in Social Security payments, and are currently being asked to contribute more and more for their Medicare coverage.

And while Woodall clearly earns our Douche of the Day honor today, his spokeswoman, Jennifer Drogus, is also deserving of an honor for her comments. When contacted by The Huffington Post for her comments regarding the town hall meeting, Drogus said, "We consider overall the town hall pretty good stuff. Folks who were misinformed and guided by the scare politics of the left hopefully left better informed." A statement that stupid is not enough to win full Douche of the Day honors, but for her cruel stupidity, Miss Drogus is clearly deserving of being named a "Douche-ette of the Day". It's not as great as winning "Douche of the Day" honors, but it's a close second.

And so to all you folks in Georgia who have voted for Woodall, especially you retirees, and who are even, inexplicably, considering voting for him again, all we can say is you'll get everything you deserve, and not in a good way. Unfortunately, the rest of us have to pay for your stupidity as well. So if not for yourselves, at least for the rest of us, please get your heads out of your asses.

Joseph Brooks 1938-2011

2011-05-23T10:08:00.000-07:00

Joseph Brooks, 73, the Oscar winning composer of the mega-hit song, "You Light Up My Life", was found dead yesterday in his New York apartment of an apparent suicide. Brooks became famous when he wrote "You Light Up My Life", which stayed at #1 on the pop charts for 10 consecutive weeks in 1977, at that time the record for a song's stay at #1. The hit song, sung by Debby Boone, ultimately became the biggest song of the 1970's.

Brooks had awaiting trial on charges of 82 sex crimes, he apparently lured women to his apartment under the guise of auditioning them for movie roles. Wow. Had this guy never heard of Match.com?

"You Light Up My Life" won the Grammy for Song of the Year in 1978, and after it appeared in the movie of the same name, directed by Brooks, it won the Oscar for Best Song.

It's All or Nothing This Week

2011-05-23T05:10:00.000-07:00

It's all or nothing this week for Novak Djokovic. Almost everyone now knows about his quest to break John McEnroe's 27 year-old record of a best start to a tennis year. McEnroe's record from 1984 is 42-0.

The French Open started yesterday, the second Grand Slam of the year, and just minutes ago Djokovic won his first round match of the tournament, upping his win streak for the year to 38-0. McEnroe's streak ended in 1984 in the finals of the French Open.

With no American tennis stars currently in the sport, Americans don't follow tennis closely anymore, and most Americans have never heard of Novak Djokovic. But a lot of sports writers have recently mentioned that when it comes to sports, Americans do love their statistics, and so even though they don't know Djokovic, they've now heard of his unbelievable "win streak". A lot of people will be watching Djokovic's every match this week to see if he can break McEnroe's record.

On a much sadder sports note, last night CBS's "60 Minutes" aired their much-hyped interview with Tyler Hamilton, Lance Armstrong's former cycling teammate. Hamilton leveled new charges that Armstrong had, indeed, "doped" while winning his seven Tour de France titles. Armstrong wasted no time this morning in denying the charges, but many have suspected for years that the sport of cycling has been rife with "doping" for some time. All we can say is that if Armstrong is found guilty of doping, not only will he spend some time in prison, but he will destroy his image as one of America's greatest sports heroes. Hamilton also admitted to doping, and last week he surrendered the 2004 Olympic Gold Medal that he won in Athens.

Pray The Rube Away

2011-05-22T08:31:00.000-07:00

Tennessee is embroiled in a three-ring circus, and if you're not clued into this story you're missing the greatest show on earth. The State Senate of Tennessee just passed a "Don't Say Gay" bill, which would prohibit the mentioning of homosexuality in elementary schools. The bill was sponsored by Republican State Senator Stacey Campfield, who is 42 and unmarried, and considered somewhat of a loon by both Democrats and Republicans alike in Tennessee. We could write for days about this topic, but we'll try to keep to the highlights of the story.

In response to the bill's passage, former "Star Trek" cast member and openly gay George Takei made a video in which he joked that if the children of Tennessee aren't allowed to use the word "gay", that they could feel free to use his name Takei instead. His video was posted on Yahoo's main news page, and in response, all the right-wing, Christian, nut-job homophobes came out in full force, posting hundreds and hundreds of comments in Yahoo's Comments section. The tone of the hatred in their comments for the gay community was stunning, but what was even more unsettling is that there is still, in 2011, so much unbelievable ignorance and sheer, profound stupidity out there about what it means to be gay. We posted our own Yahoo comment in which we said, among other things, that "the people who hate minorities have been around forever; first they hated the Irish, then Native Americans, then Jews, then Blacks, then women and now gay people." One guy actually responded to our comment by replying, in all seriousness, that we didn't understand what we were talking about because all those on our list were born with that ethnicity or gender while "gay people aren't born that way, they choose that lifestyle". Wow.

Faced with that kind of jaw-dropping ignorance, it would be easy to start ridiculing the entire State of Tennessee as a bunch of backwoods rubes, and believe us, the more liberal folks who commented on the story when it appeared on the pages of The Huffington Post did just that. But as easy as it would be to write-off an entire state as hopelessly stupid, it's important to remember that many in the state of Tennessee have been working their butts off to defeat Sen. Campfield's bill, and to call it out for its stupidity. Evidently, hundreds of Tennessee high school students protested the bill every morning for weeks at their local high schools, wearing t-shirts and holding signs with slogans which detailed their opposition to the bill. So before you contact your local Congressmen and ask them to support a bill which would kick Tennessee out of the United States for "crimes against intelligence", remember that there are a lot of people in the state who are deeply embarrassed by the actions of their state senate.

For those who follow national politics, Tennessee's actions shouldn't come as a complete shock. This is the state which elected Marsha Blackburn to Congress, who combines the dopiness of Sarah Palin and the looniness of Michele Bachmann with all the self-righteous fervor of a demented Sunday school teacher who is just itching to sentence others to burn in hell who don't think like her. That woman is just fucking scary.

And for those who understand history know what we were talking about in our Yahoo comment. The people who are afraid of "those who are different" and who lash out in hateful ignorance are not new. The same people who are screaming about gay people now are the same people who screamed at the Little Rock Nine, the nine African-American students who integrated Little Rock's Central High in 1957. Unfortunately, in our society, these screamers never go away, (and they certainly never learn anything), they just change the "others" who they hate and at whom they scream. The same women, pictured at right, who screamed in Little Rock in 1957, (aren't they attractive?), are the same people screaming hateful comments on the pages of Yahoo in 2011. It's profoundly sad that these people never learn anything. Once, many years ago, Oprah Winfrey had a show in which she hosted members of the Little Rock Nine, and unbelievably, even managed to find some of those White Little Rock Screamers, and every Screamer related stories of how deeply ashamed they were of their behavior back in 1957, and they were deeply apologetic for how ignorant they had been in 1957. What's amazing to us is that it always takes the "screamers" a couple of decades to understand the shocking ugliness of their behavior and the recessive backwardness of their thinking. Why is it that the screamers in 2011 never learn anything from history? Especially in a state like Tennessee, which was already the laughing stock of the nation once before in the 1920's with its Scopes Monkey Trial.

In the end, as we were laughing at the comments about Tennessee on the pages of The Huffington Post, one comment in particular stuck in our heads. One lady said that it was a shame that the much-hyped "Christian Rapture" didn't actually come yesterday, or we would have been rid of these Tennessee rubes. Which led us to think, maybe the rapture did occur, and all these hateful homophobes were "left behind". Maybe that should tell them something.

Midnight at the Oasis, Send Your Camel to Bed...

2011-05-21T11:15:00.000-07:00

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Fashion Spotlight

Khloe Kardashian... oh my.

Khloe's in a pair of red pants which are just a bit too snug, to say the least. Let the camel breath, for god's sakes, Khloe, let the camel breath!

On the other hand, Ryan Gosling showed up the other day at The Cannes Film Festival wearing a pajama shirt and "spats" shoes.

Fashion commentators were beside themselves, trying to figure out if they liked the pajama shirt, but in our opinion, they were missing a bigger story. Gosling is actually wearing pants which are the exact right length!

In an age when most men, even famous fashion designers like Tom Ford, have forgotten one of the most basic rules of fashion, that one must hem one's pants to create one small break just above the ankle, Ryan Gosling shows all the pretenders how it's done. Bravo, Ryan.

(tom ford and the cast of the movie "a single man" in pants
which are so wrong, wrong, wrong! shame on you, tom ford!)

Seacrest Out! And He Almost Was

2011-05-20T06:53:00.000-07:00

One night after Haley scared our cat and frightened thousands of America's small children with her rendition of Fleetwood Mac's
"Rhiannon" on "American Idol", she was booted from the show. Okay, okay, to be fair, even though we're not fans of Haley's singing, being eliminated from "American Idol" has little to do with real singing talent. At best, the show is a popularity contest, as any contest becomes when the masses are allowed to vote. And to throw Haley a bone of sympathy, she should remember that if she really has talent as a singer, a record company will come calling. You don't have to actually win the "American Idol" contest to become a successful pop singer. Remember that, Haley. On the other hand, if you've made this many appearances on national t.v., singing your heart out, and no record companies call, you might want to look into the wonderful world of fast food. Ouch.

Haley's elimination wasn't what was shocking last night, the real scary moment came when her name wasn't called as a finalist. The look on her face was one of extreme shock, and for a brief second, she looked as if she might faint. Then this look of real, maniacal anger swept over her face, and we feared, (no, actually hoped), that she might reach over and rip Ryan Seacrest's face off. Seacrest dragged her motionless body over to center stage and told her to sing, then he wisely made a split-second exit from the stage, no doubt running for the safety of his bodyguards in the wings. Haley sang Elton John's "Bennie and the Jets", at one point making her way into the audience, all the while still wearing this out-of-body look on her face that she might be a female al-Qaeda terrorist hiding a bomb somewhere inside her underwear, and she was only seconds from lighting it up. As she moved through the audience, singing, her eyes would meet certain people's eyes, and she looked at them as if she might gouge out their eyes, or at least launch a well-placed kick between some man's groin.

Poor Haley. No doubt she was disappointed, but as we've been saying for weeks, we blame the "American Idol" judges for her shock and disappointment. When you constantly praise someone and tell her that she's great, even when she's not, you set that someone up for a massive, shocking, even unfair disappointment when the truth seeps in.

Djokovic: King of the World

2011-05-20T06:07:00.001-07:00

When your career as a pro athlete is on a red hot high, and the whole world is watching your every move, doors open. And what do you do when those doors open? If you're Novak Djokovic, you walk through them. Just this week alone, Djokovic has shown up at The Cannes Film Festival with his gorgeous girlfriend on his arm, and he's now appearing in Vogue Magazine, shot by the famous fashion photographer Norman Jean Roy. It's all very glamorous, but in just a few days, Djokovic has go to work at The French Open, where he'll try to break John McEnroe's 27 year old record of a 42-0 start to a tennis year. Djokovic is currently at 37-0 for the year, but something tells us he might gladly give up the record if he could only win The French Open, where he's never been beyond the semi-finals.

On a related note, we were alerted to Novak's Vogue Magazine appearance while reading one of our favorite websites, Tennis.com, where an associate editor for Tennis Magazine, Sarah Thurmond, wrote what has to be one of the dumbest articles we've ever read. We're not sure how Miss Thurmond got her job as a writer, but having an enlightened world view is not one of the reasons. She cranks on about how Norman Jean Roy shot Djokovic and fellow Serbian tennis star, Ana Ivanovic, (we're guessing she doesn't even know who Norman Jean Roy is), and she complains about the swimsuits the two are wearing, even describing Djokovic's bikini as a "stereotypical Eurotrash swimsuit". Wow. Someone might want to tell Miss Thurmond that Europeans don't really like being called "Eurotrash" any better than she would like to be called a "dumb, white redneck", and someone might want to tell her there's a big ol' world out there, beyond the boundaries of her Wal-Mart parking lot, and incredibly, all those people in "them other counties" aren't beholden to our naive and sometimes backward American views of sexuality and prudishness about our bodies. She might be shocked to find out that someone like Novak Djokovic, (a European), might, not only wear a Speedo in the pages of Vogue, but also might actually wear one on a real beach while swimming, and no one, other than Miss Thurmond would give it a second thought. Put down that strawberry douche and can of "Viennie" sausages you found on sale at your local Wal-Mart, Miss Thurmond, and get your head out of your ass.

Now That's News!

2011-05-20T05:58:00.000-07:00

Across the crawl of our morning news show this morning came the headline: "Fans of Saturday Night Live Camping Out for Tickets". Our first thought was, "SNL has fans?" But then we realized the people aren't camping out for SNL, and they're certainly not camping out in the hopes they'll get to see host Justin Timberlake, that paragon of comedy, put his dick in another box, (although he might fart in an Andy Samberg digital short which we're sure will be so funny!), no, people are camping out because Lady Gaga is the musical guest on this week's show. Mystery solved.

Sweet Revenge

2011-05-19T05:07:00.000-07:00

Okay, we finally figured out a way to enjoy the current, truly awful season of "American Idol". For weeks we've ranted against the fact that the judges, Steven Tyler, Jennifer Lopez and Randy Jackson, clearly made a deal with the devil this year to refrain from criticizing the singers, ala Simon Cowell. And so for weeks, we watched and listened to some godawful vocals from some young people who will never be professional singers, much less ever sell records, and then, inexplicably, listened to the judges praise them and even gush over their performances. We kept scratching our heads, wondering if we were living in some sort of weird, Gen Y, parallel universe where everyone gets a trophy just for showing up, even if you suck.

But finally, last night, we finally figured out the key to enjoying this "A.I" season. All three finalists, Lauren, Scotty and Haley, were pretty tragic, (come on, this is probably the weakest group of finalists in the history of the show), and after listening to performances where the young singers couldn't find notes, missed the pitch in whole sections of songs, and even struggled to remember lyrics, finally, the FUN part of the show was watching the confused looks on the faces of the judges, knowing that they now had to come up something positive to say. The looks on their faces said it all; at times they looked sick to their stomachs, yet they forced half-smiles on their faces and would come up with weird phrases like, "Yeah, that was interesting, heh, heh," or as Lopez said to Haley at one point, "You gave me gooseys". Oh, J-Lo, J-Lo, J-Lo... gooseys? Really? And finally, we felt a small, satisfying sense of sweet revenge. It was delicious payback to watch the judges get their just dues for making a pact with the advertiser devils; no doubt that deal was that they'd get their huge salaries in return for being nice, nice, nice. We just wonder how many of the judges went straight to their dressing rooms after last night's show and screamed to their agents, "Get me off this fucking show, or I'm going to put all of Haley, Lauren and Scotty's song on your Ipod and force you to listen to them over and over and over and over again. Bitch!"

As we said, the final performances last night were so awful, we're not even going to waste time trying to describe them, just trust us that you won't be seeing these three last very long as pop singers. But there was one moment last night that we just couldn't believe what we were seeing; it was the point at which Haley sang Fleetwood Mac's "Rhiannon" trying desperately to channel Stevie Nicks. To say it was one of the most unintentionally funny moments of the entire year in television would be an understatement. The producers must have known that there was no way Haley could pull off the song with vocals alone, (and she didn't), so they put her in a long, flowing dress reminiscent of Nicks' trademark witchy garb, and actually put a fan on her, blowing her long hair while Haley squirmed around in a half-crouch, all in an attempt to create a moody, spooky Stevie Nicks-like moment while also trying to prove that Haley had sex appeal. The producers had to be hoping that the special effects would detract from the fact that Haley couldn't even stay on key. Oh hell, that performance, alone, made the show. The look on Randy Jackson's face after the song ended, he looked like J-Lo had just punched him in the kidneys, was worth every penny we have to pay to meet Ryan Seacrest's $40 million overblown salary. Oh, Jesus, revenge is sweet.

The Mt. Rushmore Sculptors Have Already Begun Their Work

2011-05-18T14:03:00.000-07:00

Listen, we knew the final Oprah Winfrey show was going to be an extravaganza, and probably one which would tilt toward over-blown fanaticism, but reading about the show's taping has left even us stunned. The actual final show will be shown on May 25, but the May 23 and 24 episodes have just been taped and the details are astounding. Those two shows were staged in Chicago's United Center in front of 200,000 cheering audience members, with host Tom Hanks, and making appearances, and/or performing were Aretha Franklin, Tom Cruise, Beyonce, Patti LaBelle, Stevie Wonder, Usher, Rosie O'Donnell, Maria Shriver, Josh Groban, Madonna, and the list goes on and on. (What, no Kathy Griffin?) Of course, everyone showered love on Oprah as Oprah cried and cried... oh my. Why do we feel the need to take a shower? We don't know what will take place on the final May 25th episode, but after the May 23 and 24 shows, what's left? Will Oprah masturbate and upon climax shower golden coins on her audience, who were all hand-picked because they watched Oprah their entire lives and named children after her? Okay, we'll burn in hell for that one, but come on. Yes, we know, Oprah is a great woman, truly. She has inspired millions, she took the high-road on her show when it was much more popular to be trashy, she encouraged people to read, (no small task in our modern tech era), and she's raised millions and millions for charity. Hey, the woman deserves accolades. But just remember, sometimes a little modesty goes a long, long way.

Bob Barker's t.v. career spanned fifty years, twice as long as Oprah's, and even though he didn't change the world, he was an incredibly beloved figure and never once failed to be at the top of his game. He was one of the best we'll ever see on t.v. And the day that Bob Barker ended his half-century career, there were no parties, no celebrities, no fanfare, the man signed off his show that day with a thank-you message to his fans that lasted less than twenty seconds. And part of that twenty second message wasn't even about himself. Now, that's class. We love you, Oprah, but sometimes, even you can afford to learn from someone who did it better than you. Take notes, Oprah, take notes.

Love Child, Never Meant to Be, Love Child, Scorned by Society...

2011-05-17T19:20:00.000-07:00

So we're sure you've heard by now that Arnold Schwarzenegger fathered a love child over a decade ago with his family's maid. And now the paparazzi photographers are like pigs in heat, desperately trying to be the first one to snap a photo of the mystery child.

Fortunately for you, we've already identified the child, and we've narrowed it down to one of three people. Look at the three love child candidates below and see if you can guess which one is Arnold, Jr.

-Gary "Arnold Jackson" Coleman, because the name matches...
-Richard Sandrak, child bodybuilder, because the bodies match...
-Justin Bieber, because if you had fathered him, wouldn't you also keep it a secret?

"Survivor" Flame-Out

2011-05-16T05:34:00.000-07:00

After 10 years, and four times on the show, Boston Rob finally won the game of "Survivor" last night on CBS. We've never been fans of Rob, but the way the game played out this season, the jury didn't have any other choice than to vote for the veteran to finally win. Rob understood that if he took two other contestants to the finals with him who were even more hated than him, that he'd win, that's what he did, and he won.

A lot of people are saying Rob deserved to win, that the game is what it is, that nasty backstabbing is sometimes rewarded, and Rob does backstabbing better than anyone. But is it really playing the "best game" when the Yankees beat a high school baseball team, or when Roger Federer beats someone at Wimbledon who has one arm tied behind his back? In other words, the group of people who played this season's "Survivor" had to be some of the stupidest contestants we've ever seen on this show. They were so dumb, we're actually wondering if they're able to feed themselves in real life. So did Rob really play the best game, or did he luck out by being paired with the worst "Survivor" players of all time?

From the very beginning of the season, all the young, dumb, pretty ones on Rob's team fell under his spell and his promise to "take them to the finals". Would someone please, for the love of god, explain to these rocket scientists that going to the finals doesn't matter if you don't win in the end. Phillip, who is hands-down one of the craziest people we've ever seen on t.v., is practically beaming with pride that he "outplayed" his other contestants by making it to the finals; we're waiting for someone to explain to him that the people he "beat in the game" win just as much money as he does: bupkis. In "Survivor", whether you finish in 15th place or 2nd place, it doesn't matter, you still lose.

Here's the season in a nutshell. One team was older and smarter, and they knew to vote off their villain early on, the veteran Russell. But on the other side of the island, Rob's teammates were all very young, naive and incredibly stupid, and they not only believed all the horseshit that Rob was shoveling, they ate it up with a spoon and then asked for more. If you've ever wondered how Charles Manson was able to talk young people into committing murder for him in the 1960's, all you had to do was watch Rob manipulate his teammates and you'd understand. It all depends on finding people who haven't a brain in their heads. Anyway, the smarter team lost key challenges, putting them at a numbers disadvantage against Rob's team, and from that point on, Rob was in control of the entire game. Rob took the nutjob Phillip, and Natalie, his Squeaky Fromme, to the finals, knowing the jury wouldn't vote for them because all they did was "ride his coattails", and he was right. We're honestly wondering whether it has dawned, yet, on Natalie that she lost the game. Andrea, who was on Rob's team, was actually the best player of the game; she was the only one who really understood the game, and at times even tried to convince her teammates to do the right thing, but she had the unfortunate task of trying to talk sense into a bunch of people who had not only drunk the kool-aid, but kept pulling out the half-gallon drums to mix up a new batch.

Seriously, we love "Survivor", it's our favorite show on t.v. But this season had to be one of the last satisfying seasons ever of the show. The show's normal hallmarks of unexpected twists and turns were missing, mainly because of what we've previously described, one person told everyone else what to do, and they blindly did it. In every season, you always get one or two people who've never watched the show, and don't understand how to play, but the entire cast? We're wondering if CBS rigged the show's cast with the dumbest people they could find, just so a "t.v. favorite", Boston Rob, would do well? No one who's ever watched this show before would have kept Rob in the game; they should have realized that the only chance they had to win was to get rid of him early on. But they didn't.

The new twist on the show, "Redemption Island", in which contestants who were voted-off were allowed to win their way back into the game, was misused as well. In the entire course of the season, only twice did these contestants get to rejoin the game, and only one at a time. They should have used the "Redemption" option more often, and with more people. How much more interesting would it have been if three people who Rob voted off were allowed to return to his tribe, instead of one at a time? What good can one person do by him/herself against an entire tribe who's already voted that person off. The "Redemption" feature had absolutely no effect on the game, when it should have been a major player.

This one-off, really bad season of "Survivor" won't dissuade us from watching the show, after eleven years, it's still one of the most interesting things on t.v. But please, CBS producers, we're begging you, for the love of god and all that's true, please, please select some contestants for the next season who have at least a moderate I.Q. level and people who didn't study at the George W. Bush school of "strategery".

Can He Do It?

2011-05-15T14:14:00.000-07:00

The remarkable sports story of Novak Djokovic just gets better and better.

Here's the deal, for all of you who don't follow tennis. For the past decade, Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal have dominated the men's game, with everyone else playing the roles of "afterthoughts", or just slightly annoying people who Federer and Nadal had to beat to make it to the finals of another tournament. First Federer was unbeatable for two or three years, then Nadal finally, slowly figured out how to beat Federer, first on clay, then on every other surface. And so for the past two years, Federer and Nadal have jockeyed back and forth for the #1 ranking. And even though Novak Djokovic was in third place in the rankings behind Federer and Nadal, he was always a very distant third, not really a contender to ever consistently beat the top two players.

And then something happened this year, Djokovic is unbeaten for the year, and has now defeated Federer and Nadal three and four times, respectively. How did this happen, you might ask. Well, Federer got a little older and his invincibility began to wain, and while Nadal had spent so much time figuring out how to take down Federer, he evidently didn't pay much attention to the games of others, namely, Djokovic, coming up behind him. But Djokovic also played a part in gaining his new status as the best player in the game. He matured; he stopped throwing his shirt into the stands after matches, and he stopped imitating the other players to laughs from the crowds. And with his new mental and emotional maturity seemed to come a new maturity in his game.

One week ago, at the Madrid Open, Djokovic did the unthinkable, he beat Nadal on his unbeatable surface of clay, in Nadal's home country, no less. But it was even more unthinkable that Djokovic could beat in today's Italian Open final, which would mean that he would defeat Nadal, the best clay court player in the world, in two clay tournaments, back to back. But he did it. And not only did he do it, but today, he made Nadal look like a struggling amateur.

And, of course, as we've been saying for the past few days, at stake today was Djokovic's unbeaten win streak for 2011, which after today's win, now stands at 37 straight matches. He's only five matches away from tying John McEnroe's record of 42 straight matches to start the 1984 season.

Next up for Djokovic is The French Open, the second Grand Slam tournament of the year, which starts one week from today. All eyes will be on Novak next week in Paris, not only to see if he can break McEnroe's record, but also to see if can win his first French Open. But also going for the win in Paris will be Rafael Nadal, which would be his sixth championship at Roland Garros Stadium and would tie him with the great Bjorn Borg for winning the most French Opens. So guess which two players we want to see in the finals? Oh yeah, let's pray for tennis heaven next week.

Twitters of the Day

2011-05-15T09:01:00.000-07:00

The world of Twitter is not nearly as fun as it used to be. When Twitter was new, every low-I.Q.'ed bimbo in Hollywood regularly embarrassed themselves by saying what was ever on their minds, even when there was nothing on their minds, which was often. But unfortunately for us, a lot of celebrities embarrassed themselves once too often, causing their P.R. people to step in and call a halt to their mindless jibber-jabber, which sucked for our "Twitters of the Day" feature here at East Village Afternoon. But there's always a silver lining to every dark cloud, and fortunately for us, for some of those Twitterers, the need for attention is stronger than any sense of personal pride. Thank you, Jesus!

Below are the best and the worst Twitters of the past few weeks...

Bill Maher - 5.14.11
Love the Glenn Beck-Megan McCain feud - he's all like "you're fat" and she's all "Nah ah" - see why the Republicans are the party of ideas?

Joan Rivers - 5.14.11
Katie Holmes is allegedly pregnant, again!?! The baby will have her eyes and the turkey baster’s nose.

5.15.11
Katie Holmes is denying she’s pregnant. It turns out the baby bump was an overnight bag from her latest escape attempt from Tom Cruise.

Alec Mapa - 5.12.11
The Shake Weight for men commercial just replaced me as the gayest thing on television.

5.12.11
I haven't followed Idol all season, but I just tuned in and there's a drag queen named Lauren!

Denis Leary - 5.12.11

Newt Gingrich enters prez race. He doesnt even have a 50% approval rating from other guys named Newt.

And from the less gifted among us...

Paris Hilton - 5.11.11
Just had an amazing facial.

(Unintentional joke score!)

Heidi Montag - 4.5.11
People keep asking what my new show is about. I say - imagine if Chekov & Tolstoy wrote for reality TV.

(Someone needs to tell her the famous Russian writer was Chekhov; Chekov was the Russian guy on Star Trek.)

Kim Kardashian - 5.9.11
When I walked into dinner it was warm outside, now walking out its pouring rain? What's going on LA?

(Yes, weather is so confusing. Oh my.)

And then there are some Twitterers who aren't completely brainless, but still can't keep from stepping in it...

John Mayer - 4.23.11
I think Justin Bieber is a really over-rated singer.

4.23.11
I'm sorry if some of you are pissed of about it but its what I really think of him.

(Glass houses, John... big, shiny, glass houses.)

The Streak Continues, Part II

2011-05-14T14:52:00.000-07:00

Yes, Novak Djokovic looks as crazy as a Glenn Beck fan who just listened to Fox News call Obama a socialist in this shot from today's Italian Open in Rome, but it's fitting, he's on one, very crazy win streak. Djokovic narrowly defeated Andy Murray in the semifinals just a few minutes ago, after being two points from defeat at one point in the third set, and now his win streak for the year stands at 36-0. He's just six wins away from tying John McEnroe's all-time year-opening win streak of 42-0 in 1984. The only bad news is that now, Djokovic, has to play Rafael Nadal, the best clay court player in the world, in the finals of the tournament less than 24 hours from now.

Glass Houses

2011-05-14T12:15:00.001-07:00

Normally, we love it when Republicans take cheap pot-shots at each other, but sometimes, their behavior is so low-class that it doesn't amuse even us.

(cindy and meghan mccain)

Here's the deal. Meghan McCain, Sen. John McCain and wife, Cindy's, daughter, appeared in a recent public service announcement about skin cancer. Both her parents are skin cancer survivors. In the ad, she appears as if she's naked, but she's really only seen from the shoulders up. Glenn Beck then took to his radio show to say that the idea of seeing Meghan McCain naked made him want to vomit. Wow. Both Cindy and Meghan chastised Beck on Twitter, but the damage was done.

Okay, here's what we've never understood. Why is it that the people who can least afford to make fun of someone else's appearance are always the ones who do? Does Glenn Beck own a mirror? Maybe someone who looks like the love child of Porky the Pig and The Pillsbury Dough Boy shouldn't be critiquing the looks of others. Just saying.

The Cult of Liz is Growing

2011-05-14T07:36:00.000-07:00

As if to prove the old adage that some celebrities are worth more dead than alive, the famous Andy Warhol painting of Elizabeth Taylor sold at auction yesterday in New York City for 26.9 million dollars. Wow.

Take one of the most famous artists of the 20th Century, mix him with one of the biggest movie stars of all time, and presto, instant millions. Well, not exactly, some of Warhol's paintings were worthless at the time that he actually painted them; it was only years after his death that some of his work has reached their current worth. We love the story of how Warhol used to give his plumber paintings instead of paying him money, and now, 50 years later, that plumber's Warhol collection is worth untold millions. Lucky plumber, something tells us his roto-rooter days are over for good.

As for Elizabeth Taylor, she is quickly gaining entry into that select club of celebrities, Marilyn, James Dean, Elvis, who become even more famous, and financially successful, than they ever were in life.

Pec Heaven

2011-05-13T16:00:00.000-07:00

Abercrombie & Fitch is about to open their first store in Paris, France, and they've wasted no time in lining up a bevy of boys with perfect pecs and abs to advertise their product. It just amazes us how eager this generation of young straight men is to become homoerotic poster boys, not that there's anything wrong with that.

Click here to read our previous post about the history of Abercrombie & Fitch's homoerotic marketing campaign.

Going For The Record

2011-05-13T12:40:00.000-07:00

We're nearing the end of the Italian Open Tennis Championship, and Novak Djokovic is, as we write this, in the quarterfinals, and his win streak for the year now stands at 34-0. Djokovic now trails only John McEnroe for having the best all-time start to a tennis year; McEnroe started the 1984 year with a 42-0 record. To overtake McEnroe's record, Djokovic will have to win this week's Italian Open, which probably means he'll have to play Nadal in the finals, and he'll have to make it to the quarterfinals of next week's biggie, The French Open. We're rooting for the very likable Djokovic; he spent all those years in the shadows of Federer and Nadal, so it's satisfying to see him finally break through and take the spotlight for himself, not to mention a possible #1 world ranking.

There's a little jinx danger, though, in comparing Djokovic to McEnroe's fabled year of 1984 and his run of 42 straight matches, primarily because of what happened in McEnroe's 43rd match of that year. McEnroe had never won the French Open, and in his 43rd match of the year, he found himself in the finals of the Grand Slam tournament, with a 2-0 sets lead over Ivan Lendl, who had yet to win his first Grand Slam tournament. It looked like a done deal, McEnroe would win the French, and combined with his later wins that year at Wimbledon and the U.S. Open, would have given McEnroe one of the greatest years of all time in tennis. (He wouldn't have won the Grand Slam because he didn't compete that year in the Australian Open). But suddenly the wheels came off. Lendl came back from two sets down to steal the championship match away from McEnroe, dashing McEnroe's dreams of a French Open title, which no American man had won since 1955, and ended his win streak that year at 42 straight matches. After that French loss, McEnroe won his next 21 matches, which coupled with a win at the French, would have given him a stunning win streak of 64 matches, a record which probably never would have been broken.

UPDATE: Make that 35-0. Djokovic won his match today against Robin Soderling. Djokovic is now only seven matches away from tying McEnroe's record.

Cannes 2011

2011-05-11T19:55:00.000-07:00

The 2011 Cannes Film Festival is underway. Cannes, which Americans have never decided whether to pronounce as "can" or "cawn", has been one of the world's most glamorous celebrity events since it began in 1946. As well as providing the world a chance to preview new movies, the festival is famous for being a paparazzi's orgasmic dream; stars are expected to pose for celebrity photographers, and over the years, they've always obliged. The event has become such a must-event for the world's paparazzi that their throng has grown from 700 in 1966 to over 3500 today. Wow.

(above: cannes 2011 - woody allen, owen wilson, rachel mcadams)

carlo ponti and sophia loren; alain delon

grace kelly; elizabeth taylor

alfred hitchcock and tippi hedren; warren beatty and natalie wood

Broads We Love

2011-05-10T19:41:00.000-07:00

Over at VanityFair.com, they've published several photos from the time that Elizabeth Taylor and her friend and hairdresser, Maury Hopson, went to a fat farm in the 1970's.

At the time, Taylor was married to Sen. John Warner, living in Virginia, and doing nothing but eating fried chicken, gravy and getting fat. On a whim, Hopson took Taylor to a fat farm in Florida, which they dubbed "Butterfield Ate". Go to www.VanityFair.com to see the rest of the photos, they're hilarious.

We Are Not Amused

2011-05-10T19:16:00.000-07:00

One of the oddest things about last week's royal wedding between Prince William and Kate Middleton was the snubbing of Prince Andrew's ex-wife, Sarah Ferguson. We realize that "Fergie" committed an almost unforgivable royal faux pas a few months ago when she was caught trying to sell an audience with Prince Andrew for money, but still, she is the mother of the two princesses, Beatrice and Eugenie, who are 5th and 6th in line for the throne. Fergie might have shown poor judgment in a business deal, but to not invite her to the wedding seems an even lower-class, below the belt move. You'd think the Queen and that old bitch she's married to, Prince Phillip, would have learned something when they treated one of their other daughters-in-law, Diana, so poorly.

In a recent taping for an upcoming episode of "Oprah", Fergie told Oprah that she was very hurt by the snub, but that she and Prince Andrew, who are still good friends, spoke several times on the day of the wedding, and Andrew attempted to soothe Fergie's hurt feelings. Something tells us that when the Queen and that old dinosaur she's married to are finally gone, the monarchy will be a very different institution. We can only hope.

In other royal news, Prince Charles' wife, Camilla, visited Charleston House yesterday, an art gallery in Sussex, where she was confronted with the painting of a male nude. Observers noted that while Camilla kept her eyes from the painting, nevertheless, she beamed with a wide grin as she passed the painting. We know what she was thinking: "Oh my, so that's what a real penis looks like. I wonder where I could get me one of those? Holla!"