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Michael Lohan, 50, father of Hollywood nightmare Lindsey Lohan, announced his engagement to Kate Major, 27, ex-girlfriend of Jon Gosselin. Michael, in addition to his shining skills as a father, is best known for being investigated for insider trading, his conviction for criminal contempt of court, getting into a fistfight with his brother-in-law at a family communion, his conviction for drunk driving and for serving a number of years in prison. Major is a former writer for Star Magazine and according to people who know her, is "desperate to be in the limelight".
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Awww, it's all so sweet. Aren't they wonderful? Thank god people like this are free to marry whenever they want, without even a second thought, while those nasty gay people who would "destroy" traditional marriage are kept out of the wedding chapel where Lohan and Major will soon begin a long, loving, subtantial life together. Oh, I'm tearing up.
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