The Mt. Rushmore Sculptors Have Already Begun Their Work

Listen, we knew the final Oprah Winfrey show was going to be an extravaganza, and probably one which would tilt toward over-blown fanaticism, but reading about the show's taping has left even us stunned. The actual final show will be shown on May 25, but the May 23 and 24 episodes have just been taped and the details are astounding. Those two shows were staged in Chicago's United Center in front of 200,000 cheering audience members, with host Tom Hanks, and making appearances, and/or performing were Aretha Franklin, Tom Cruise, Beyonce, Patti LaBelle, Stevie Wonder, Usher, Rosie O'Donnell, Maria Shriver, Josh Groban, Madonna, and the list goes on and on. (What, no Kathy Griffin?) Of course, everyone showered love on Oprah as Oprah cried and cried... oh my. Why do we feel the need to take a shower? We don't know what will take place on the final May 25th episode, but after the May 23 and 24 shows, what's left? Will Oprah masturbate and upon climax shower golden coins on her audience, who were all hand-picked because they watched Oprah their entire lives and named children after her? Okay, we'll burn in hell for that one, but come on. Yes, we know, Oprah is a great woman, truly. She has inspired millions, she took the high-road on her show when it was much more popular to be trashy, she encouraged people to read, (no small task in our modern tech era), and she's raised millions and millions for charity. Hey, the woman deserves accolades. But just remember, sometimes a little modesty goes a long, long way.



Bob Barker's t.v. career spanned fifty years, twice as long as Oprah's, and even though he didn't change the world, he was an incredibly beloved figure and never once failed to be at the top of his game. He was one of the best we'll ever see on t.v. And the day that Bob Barker ended his half-century career, there were no parties, no celebrities, no fanfare, the man signed off his show that day with a thank-you message to his fans that lasted less than twenty seconds. And part of that twenty second message wasn't even about himself. Now, that's class. We love you, Oprah, but sometimes, even you can afford to learn from someone who did it better than you. Take notes, Oprah, take notes.