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Sunday, May 15, 2011

Twitters of the Day

The world of Twitter is not nearly as fun as it used to be. When Twitter was new, every low-I.Q.'ed bimbo in Hollywood regularly embarrassed themselves by saying what was ever on their minds, even when there was nothing on their minds, which was often. But unfortunately for us, a lot of celebrities embarrassed themselves once too often, causing their P.R. people to step in and call a halt to their mindless jibber-jabber, which sucked for our "Twitters of the Day" feature here at East Village Afternoon. But there's always a silver lining to every dark cloud, and fortunately for us, for some of those Twitterers, the need for attention is stronger than any sense of personal pride. Thank you, Jesus!

Below are the best and the worst Twitters of the past few weeks...

Bill Maher - 5.14.11
Love the Glenn Beck-Megan McCain feud - he's all like "you're fat" and she's all "Nah ah" - see why the Republicans are the party of ideas?

Joan Rivers - 5.14.11
Katie Holmes is allegedly pregnant, again!?! The baby will have her eyes and the turkey baster’s nose.

Katie Holmes is denying she’s pregnant. It turns out the baby bump was an overnight bag from her latest escape attempt from Tom Cruise.

Alec Mapa - 5.12.11
The Shake Weight for men commercial just replaced me as the gayest thing on television.

I haven't followed Idol all season, but I just tuned in and there's a drag queen named Lauren!

Denis Leary - 5.12.11

Newt Gingrich enters prez race. He doesnt even have a 50% approval rating from other guys named Newt.

And from the less gifted among us...

Paris Hilton - 5.11.11
Just had an amazing facial.

(Unintentional joke score!)

Heidi Montag - 4.5.11
People keep asking what my new show is about. I say - imagine if Chekov & Tolstoy wrote for reality TV.

(Someone needs to tell her the famous Russian writer was Chekhov; Chekov was the Russian guy on Star Trek.)

Kim Kardashian - 5.9.11
When I walked into dinner it was warm outside, now walking out its pouring rain? What's going on LA?

(Yes, weather is so confusing. Oh my.)

And then there are some Twitterers who aren't completely brainless, but still can't keep from stepping in it...

John Mayer - 4.23.11
I think Justin Bieber is a really over-rated singer.

I'm sorry if some of you are pissed of about it but its what I really think of him.

(Glass houses, John... big, shiny, glass houses.)

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