Now We Know Why Alcide Wasn't In Bon Temps Last Week

When we watched the season premiere of HBO's "True Blood" this past Sunday night, we were disappointed that our favorite werewolf, Alcide, didn't make an appearance. Now we know why. He was hanging out in Greece with a couple of half-naked women, and they weren't Sookie.

Joe Manganiello, who plays Alcide on "True Blood", is gracing the pages of GQ Magazine, showing off that famously fantastic body. Finally, GQ! we were wondering when you were going to notice that Manganiello is one of the best looking guys in Hollywood. But we feel sorry for the designers of the clothes he's wearing; when you've got a guy who looks like Manganiello modeling clothes, who's going to notice what he's wearing?

We also feel bad for the tricky position in which magazines like GQ find themselves in 2011. You would think that in 2011, we've moved beyond tired, old traditional notions of masculinity and femininity, but not so. Because while GQ would like to probably feature someone like Joe Manganiello by himself with his shirt off, they can't, because "that would be too gay". So if you notice, in "men's" magazines like GQ, if they feature sexy half-naked men, those men have to be surrounded by incredibly sexy, half-naked women. This subtle trick makes it "okay" for hetero men who are desperately in fear of their own sexuality to look at photos of Manganiello's pecs and abs. GQ is telling those readers that Manganiello is aggressively hetero because he's about to mount, not one, but two supermodels, and therefore, it's okay if a you're a straight guy and you notice Maganiello's body. Manganiello's straight, so you can look at his body and still be straight. Confused? We know.

We have a suggestion. Why don't we just admit that everyone, men and women, wants to look good, and we, by our very human natures, look to and admire others who have the physical qualities that we'd like to have. Admiring someone's looks, man or woman, doesn't make one straight or gay. Okay, so get over it, scared straighties. Although, if you're a married man, and you're
taking these pages of GQ into your bathroom behind a locked door for a little private time with Joe Manganiello, then there might be a problem. Should we be calling your wife?