Fashion Week II: Chic and Stylish or WTF?

(freida pinto, dev patel and freida pinto at the SAG awards)

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Look, we don't really care about fashion, and we know very little about it. But we know what looks good, and we certainly know a disaster when we see it. First the good news. The week's fashion winners were definitely the two young stars of "Slumdog Millionaire", Dev Patel and Freida Pinto. Dev looks fantastic in his retro, form-fitting tux, it was exactly the right thing to wear for his body type. Show off the skinny while you can, Dev, it won't be long before middle age spread takes over, and you'll be lucky in squeeze into a Sears "Husky Boy" Tux! And Freida is sexy, gorgeous, wow! Who cares, really, what she's even wearing? Just look at that radiant, beautiful face. That is beauty, folks.

(angelina jolie and a very depressed brad pitt, eva longoria and her shame)

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Now for the bad news. First up is Angelina Jolie, arguably one of the most beautiful women in the entire world, yet lately she's been dressing like Morticia Addams, only less sexy. The blue dress can best be described as a funeral shroud, and her hair looks like a petrified football helmet. Hey, we know she's mother to a small village of children, and who wouldn't feel like not dressing up after chasing the snot-nosed rugrats all day, but come on. You're hot, Angie, if nothing else, put on a tank and some jeans and rock it out. Or wear one of Brad's tux's with no shirt and let the girls peek out from behind the tux jacket, now that would be hot. You're too young to start looking like my Aunt Sadie in Boca Raton.

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But by far the worst mess at this week's SAG Awards was Eva Longoria. Oddly enough, it wasn't that long ago since Eva was the Freida Pinto of her day, the sexy, young, ethnic ingenue... but no longer. This dress was not only the color of a Push-Up Pop, but the shape looked like a Pop after it's started to melt and is running down the sides of its cardboard container. Those ruffles around the hips are almost like a subconscious chastity belt. In the old days, a young starlet would invite a lingering glance around her nether regions, but now that Eva is married, she's wearing those hideous ruffles like a "No Trespassing" sign on her Cherry Lane. And her hair-do looks like something from one of those white trash Jersey salons that Tabitha has to take over and the kick the ass of.

WTF, ladies? Get it together, okay? You're too young and pretty to give up on life this early!