Welcome to a new episode of the British sitcom, "Absolutely Frivolous". Today we join those wacky royals at The Epsom Derby.
Prince William: Where is Jeeves with the car, dammit? I need a ride over to the refreshment stand for a grape Slurpee.
Kate: Yes, and where is my lady-in-waiting? My forehead is damp with exertion, I need a royal kleenex. She's always late. Wills, darling, are we still allowed to throw someone in the castle dungeon?
Royal Hanger-On'er: There goes my tailor across the infield to bet on the horses; he was supposed to hem my pants. And now I'm standing here in pants which are much too long. I look like a douche.
Prince William: Make that a "royal douche".
Prince William and Kate (chuckling): Chor, chor, chor, chor!
Princess Eugenie: Oh, Cousin Kate, I was down at the paddy, looking at the horses, and one of the trainers asked me if I was running in the sweepstakes race! He thought I was one of the horses!
Kate: Now, now, Eugenie. Have you taken a look at your family lately? You come by it naturally, dear.
Princess Eugenie: Waaaahhh!
Kate: Buck up, Eugenie, cameras are everywhere. And speaking of which, stand closer to me dear, next to you, I look even thinner than normal. Oh, fuck yeah!
Prince Harry: Oh my god, look! The Queen fell over. Holy shit, people, we're one step closer to the throne!
Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie: Hurrah!
Prince Phillip: Hello, people. Hello, hello. I'm Prince Phillip, and my diapers are wet. Mummy!