Catfight Thursday!

It's Catfight Thursday and some very famous women are throwing down!
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First, rock legend Etta James publicly stated at a recent concert that she couldn't stand Beyonce, and that she'd like to "whup her ass!" Evidently Miss James did not appreciate Beyonce singing her signature song, "At Last", at Pres. Obama's inauguration. Beyonce, who recently portrayed Etta James in the film, "Cadillac Records", has wisely not responded. Listen, Miss Fierce, I don't know about you, but we wouldn't tangle with Etta James. That woman has seen it all: drug addiction, poverty, abuse, etc., not to mention the fact that she kicked down the doors of racism and sexism that you later walked through. You might better leave any Etta James songs off your future set lists.
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One Etta James fan commented on another website that she didn't blame James for being upset. She stated that Etta James is a legend, unlike Beyonce, and she went on to say, "Can you imagine anyone covering 'Single Ladies' or 'Crazy in Love' in fifty years? Ouch!
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We've been Etta James fans for over thirty years. Her discography is breathtaking; in addition to her heartbreaking ballads, "At Last", "Sunday Kind of Love" and "Trust in Me", James could rip your head off with scorching rock blasts, such as "Tell Mama", "If I Can't Have You" and "Security". James is a member of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, the Blues Hall of Fame, has received the Lifetime Achievement Grammy Award and has been inducted into the Grammy Hall of Fame twice. Yes, Miss Beyonce, maybe you better just sit down and take a lesson. You ain't there yet, honey.
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This brush-up with Etta James follows another incident in which Beyonce almost got her ass kicked by another soul legend, Aretha Franklin, when Beyonce, at last year's Grammy Awards introduced Tina Turner as "the queen". Aretha, who has been known as the "Queen of Soul" for over forty years did not appreciate. Damn, Beyonce! Girl, you better gather you up some extra wigs and a couple of buckets of KFC and head for the hills to hide out for awhile, otherwise, somebody's gonna find you dead in a ditch somewhere, with a big dent in the back of your head shaped just like a Grammy Award.
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Round 2 features Ashley Judd vs. Sarah Palin. Ashley is appearing in a video for an animal rights organization in which she decries Palin's encouragement of hunting wolves from helicopters. Palin does love to kill things, in addition to putting the death knell on McCain's presidential campaign, at right she's shown in what can only be described as "a blind date gone horribly wrong." (She later stated, "I thought his voice sounded funny just before he tried to mount me.")
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Today on ABC's "The View", the women discussed this incident, and Elisabeth, ever the deep thinker, railed against Miss Judd for defending animal rights but not the life of aborted babies. Elisabeth, who is the intellectual equivalent of Elly May Clampett, got all riled up and almost went ballistic until Joy wisely shut her up by pointing out that it's funny how "pro-lifers" get all worked about abortion but are okay with the death penalty and war, which kills hundreds of thousands of innocent people.
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Sarah Palin, like Elisabeth Hasselback, never quite knows when it's prudent to button her lips, and she shot back at Ashley Judd claiming Miss Judd didn't understand the issue. She went on to explain that Alaska must control the wolf population, otherwise they kill all the caribou, and that "in these rough economic times", the people of Alaska depend on those caribou as a food source for themselves. Holy crap! Is it that bad in Alaska? Have all the Wal-Marts shut down? Can you no longer find Lean Cuisines on Aisle 3? Hell, I'll stay in the lower 48, thank you, because if it's gotten so bad up there that you have to go a-huntin' moose just to eat, no thanks!
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Ashley Judd's position as a defender of animal rights could come into question, however, if this photo hits the internet. As she is conversing with her race car driver husband, she is clearly about to strangle someone's cock-a-poo-poo!
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And finally, we end with the nastiest fight of all, a brawl between a legendary actress and a young... well, someone who hopes to one day be an actress, Faye Dunaway and Hilary Duff!
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Evidently, tween queen Hilary Duff has been cast in the remake of "Bonnie and Clyde". What? When we heard this, we thought, "What, are they making a really lame, unfunny Saturday Night Live version of the film? Because if Duff has been cast in the weighty role of Bonnie, the only logical choice for Clyde would be another actor who's as untalented and as uncharismatic as Duff, Jimmy Fallon." But then we looked it up on IMDB.com, and they've cast an unknown actor as Clyde. It makes sense, they had to find someone who's acting skills were even weaker than Duff's, that way when the film tanks faster than Oprah chows down at an all-you-can-eat buffet, they can blame it on Duff's co-star.
(at right, Hilary Duff in a "casting session" with some "film producers")

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Anyway, we digress. The feud started when Miss Dunaway, who was Oscar nominated for the original film, stated, "Couldn't they at least cast a real actress?" Me-oww! Duff shot back with, "My fans don't even know who Faye Dunaway is." Really, Hilary, are your fans as mentally-challenged as you? Have you all been living in caves? "Bonnie and Clyde" was not only an Oscar-winning film, but it literally changed Hollywood at the time; it marked the end of the old studio system and helped to usher in a whole new wave of filmmakers like Steven Spielberg, George Lucas, William Friedkin, Francis Coppola, etc. Let me guess, your fans haven't heard of those guys, either. Maybe your fans should pull their Ipods out of their asses and pay attention. Sorry, we're digressing again. So Duff ended her remarks by saying that she couldn't blame Dunaway for being angry, she said, "I might be mad if I looked like that now, too." Oooh!
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Really, Hilary, do you really want to mess with this?