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Thursday, April 15, 2010

But He Was Always So Quiet...

There are train wrecks we can all see coming for miles away, i.e. Britney Spears, Lindsey Lohan, etc., and then there are the train wrecks who sneak up on us; ones which no one saw coming. You know how when they interview the neighbors of serial killers, the shocked neighbors always say, "But he was always so quiet."
We're speaking of the mess that is, and will be, Ryan Seacrest. To us, he's always smelled of disaster, of someone teetering on the edge, someone so desperately hanging onto secrets that it wouldn't take much to push him over the edge. And watching Tuesday night's "American Idol" made us feel like Seacrest is closer than ever to that edge. His behavior was bizarre. He danced in the aisle with another man while one contestant was singing, he called one contestant by a strange nickname which seemed witty only to him, and weirdest of all, he made a joke at Brian Dunkleman's expense, the guy who co-hosted the show with Ryan during the first season of American Idol but was fired soon after.
Some are speculating that Seacrest was drunk, but we think there's a deeper issue. Seacrest, moderately talented at best, is way overpaid for, well, basically announcing contestant's names. Couldn't Vanna White do this job? Maybe Seacrest feels a bit of guilt for taking so much money to do so little, and so maybe he's trying to prove that he has some ability for which he should be on our t.v. screens, thus the need to "try too hard" to entertain or to be funny. Or maybe the problem goes deeper than that; maybe he's peddling so fast to keep those "secrets" that he's turned into a Tom Cruise, an automatron who's just a hallow shell of a human being with no sense of self and no sense of purpose other than to move heaven and earth to keep those secrets. Let the secrets go, Seacrest, you'll feel so much better. Or then again, maybe he was just drunk.

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