Okay, we keep saying we're not going to obsess over Hollywood tabloid gossip here at East Village Afternoon, especially news that centers around spoiled, dumb-as-a-rock teen girls, but come on, Mily Cyrus just keeps opening that trailer park gate and inviting us in over and over again.
First there was the mullett-wearing, somewhat-of-a-joke father, Billy Ray, who had a monster hit in the 80's, which in turn helped to open the Hollywood doors for the Cyrus young'un, Miley. Fast forward to a strange, but wildly successful Disney tween t.v. show, "Hannah Montana" in which Cyrus played alternate identities, one in a really bad blonde wig. Are you still with us? And then the train started coming off the tracks; as much as the Cyrus clan and Disney honchos would have liked to have kept Miley in pre-puberty forever, unfortunately for them she sprouted boobs, sort of, and became a woman. Next came the nude Vanity Fair photos, then the nationally televised pole dancing, then the insistence on dressing in public like a hillbilly hooker, and now, the ultimate, a TMZ.com video of 18 year-old Miley smoking something from a bong. She claims she was smoking salvia, which is a legal herb in California. After watching the video, we weren't so shocked by the fact that the young star was smoking something, but more amazed that for someone who's been working in an adult world for so long, Cyrus is still surprisingly immature. She acts just as stupid as any other teen who gets high for the first time. Only unlike for most of us during that first time, Miley didn't have someone a little older and more experienced in the room to whisper, "Be cool".
Listen, Miley, have your fun, you deserve it, just like any other teen. But if you really want to avoid becoming the next tabloid queen of the world, ala Britney, try something really different: read a book, go to college and get an education, take singing lessons, donate your time and name to a worthwhile charity. Oh, and did we mention you should read a book? Being dumber than Sarah Palin is not something to which anyone should aspire. We know this advice is tough love, but there's just not a trailer park in the world big enough to hold Britney, Lindsey and you! One of you is going to have to live outside of the trailer park.