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Thursday, January 27, 2011

Crimes of the Cineplex

Into every life a little rain must fall, and in the life of a Hollywood star, with the glory of the Oscars, also potentially comes the Razzies. The Golden Raspberry Awards, or "The Razzies", began in 1980 and are Hollywood's most respected summary of the worst movies and worst acting performances of the year.
(see the look of horror on Jennifer Aniston's face? it's the
same one we get every time we hear she's made a another movie)

Just as with a lot of fake awards, the Razzies might have started as a joke, but they've now evolved into a fairly accurate summary of what was truly the year's worst in Hollywood. The Razzies annually hand out their trophies, (giant metal raspberries which are spray-painted with gold paint), the night before the Oscars.

The Razzies announced their nominations for 2010 a few days ago, and for Worst Picture, the nominees are: "The Bounty Hunter", "The Last Airbender", "Sex and The City 2", "Twilight Saga: Eclipse", "Vampires Suck".

(Not even a shirtless Ashton Kutcher could save "The Killers"...
we actually paid money to see this movie, and we want it back.)

For Worst Actor: Jack Black for "Gulliver's Travels", Gerard Butler for "The Bounty Hunter", Ashton Kutcher for "Killers" and "Valentine's Day", Taylor Lautner for "Twilight Saga: Eclipse" and "Valentine's Day", Robert Pattinson for "Remember Me" and Twilight Saga: Eclipse".
(it might look like Miley Cyrus is about to molest a young boy; actually in this movie
she molested our eyes, ears and mental state)

For Worst Actress: Jennifer Aniston for "The Bounty Hunter" and "The Switch", Miley Cyrus for "The Last Song", Megan Fox for "Jonah Hex", Kristen Stewart for "Twilight Saga: Eclipse", Parker/Catrall/Davis/Nixon for "Sex and The City 2".

We love the Razzies, and in this era of "taking personal responsibility" and severe budget cuts, we desperately need an organization which publicly calls out the Hollywood producers and stars who make millions by charging us $12 and more for pure dreck. In fact, we don't think the Razzies go far enough; we'd like to see an actual "Hollywood Jail" opened which would house the more serious offenders of our entertainment sensibilities. And we agree with actor Rupert Everett that the time has come for Jennifer Aniston to serve some hard time in that jail. We're guessing she'll easily win this year's Razzie for Worst Actress. Now if someone could just take away her ability to make movies then we'd all be living in one, big, happy world.

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