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Thursday, February 3, 2011

Hollywood Drive-By

Now that the Oscars are over, it's time to discuss what the lesser members of the entertainment community are doing to keep themselves busy.

Halle Berry Heartbreak - Halle Berry broke up with boyfriend, male model Gabriel Aubry, a long time ago, but evidently, this is one man in Berry's long list of failed romances that's not going away so easily. The two are locked in a custody battle over their daughter, Nahla, and the fight got nasty this week. Allegedly, Aubry called Berry a "n*gger", to which Berry responded, allegedly, that Aubry was only good for one thing, his sperm. Oh my.

Justin Bieber's Brain - Tween heartthrob Justin Bieber, who's also a singer, allegedly, has been making the rounds of the talk shows lately promoting a movie, or a song, or something. Anyway, despite his cute appeal and the fact that he made over $100 million last year, we noticed something about him which no one ever mentions. That kid is dumb. Really dumb. Not only is he not the sharpest tool in the shed, we doubt that he could even find the tool shed... while he's standing in the tool shed. What is it now, a requirement that all new pop stars, (Miley, Brit Brit, Bieber), be certifiably remedial? Listen, kids, reading is fundamental, try it some time. And we know, we know, "Cat in the Hat" is a tricky read, but it will start to make more sense the second and third time you get through it.

The Strange Lives of Jennifer Aniston - Jennifer Aniston has been making her own news this week. She revealed on "Oprah" yesterday that she was once asked to become a cast member of "Saturday Night Live", but instead chose to be on "Friends". Smart move. Being on the horrifically bad SNL would have surely stopped her career in its tracks. But more interesting, Aniston recently met her tormentor, gossip writer Perez Hilton, face to face in a Hollywood garage. Aniston asked him "why he was so mean", after which Hilton promised to be nicer on his popular website. Oh, Jen, Jen, Jen. Maybe instead of worrying about who's being mean to you, you should worry more about picking better movie scripts, or you should even, god forbid, take an acting lesson. Because, believe us, there are a lot of people who watched "The Bounty Hunter" and "The Switch" who'd like to track you down in a garage and ask you why you're being so mean to them.

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