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Friday, April 29, 2011

The Royals Throw Down

Okay, we'll admit it, we watched it. Just like two billion other people on the planet, (30% of the world's population), we watched Prince William slip the ring on the finger of his shack-up, Kate Middleton.

And just as we guessed it would be, the whole thing was predictable, safe and a little boring. But considering these things only come along every couple of decades, and we do like watching historical events, it was worth the watch.

Kate was beautiful in her wedding dress, designed by Sarah Burton, from the design house of the late Alexander McQueen, although the gown was an almost exact replica of Grace Kelly's wedding dress from the 1950's. But as pretty as Kate was, her sister Pippa, who's now being called "Her Royal Hotness" stole the show in a skin-tight, low neck, white number. Pippa looked so hot in her barely-there dress today that already her ass has its own Facebook page. Seriously.

Not everyone fared as well today. Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie, Prince Andrew and Fergie's daughters, showed up in dresses so hideous and hats so ridiculous that their own grandmother, Queen Elizabeth, was overheard whispering to her husband, Prince Phillip:

Elizabeth: I know that we agreed to invite commoners to the wedding, but street walkers? Really?
Phillip: Mummy, those are your granddaughters.
Elizabeth: Oh, dear. Well, tell me, am I allowed to knock them down a few rungs on the line of succession?
Phillip: No, Mummy.
Elizabeth: Oh, shit.

On a better note, the sexiest male wedding guest honors go to David Beckham, (good god, the man really is that handsome), and Ian Thorpe, the Australian Olympic swimming champion.

(left: ian thorpe;
right: david beckham)

But the biggest surprise of the day was Kate's brother, James Middleton, who got up to do a reading during the ceremony, and his male-model good looks got everyone's attention. Google immediately surged with searches entitled, "Is James Middleton gay?" Hey, who knows, and who cares? He once dressed as a French maid, he wears a pinkie ring, and he works as a cake-maker. You tell us.

The Queen was resplendent in vibrant yellow! Oh, and Queen Elizabeth look quite dapper as well.

Oh come on, you knew that one was coming.

One more look at drop-dead gorgeous Pippa and the ass shot heard round the world.

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