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Tuesday, November 16, 2010

She Couldn't Be Happier!

Our second Lady of the Day is dancer and country singer, Julianne Hough. Hough will be on Ellen DeGeneres' show later today to promote her new movie, "Burlesque", but the show is pre-taped and Hough's remarks from the show have already been released to the press, and of course, she and Ellen, yes... they went there. Hough discussed her much-publicized "romance" with Ryan Seacrest. Following are her statements, and as a public service to all those who might be uninitiated in the business of entertainment, we'll provide an interpretation of her remarks.

Julianne Hough: "Oh my gosh. He's phenomenal. He's really romantic. He's not even in town and I got in my car and there are flowers everywhere. For my birthday, same thing - like flowers everywhere. I was almost embarrassed. You walk in and you're like, 'Is this my room? I don't even know.' I'm kind of embarrassed."
What It Really Means: I understand that to properly beard, the bearder has to make very public displays of affection, and the beardee has to talk about those displays loudly and incessantly, every chance I... I mean, every chance "she" gets.
Julianne Hough: "Everyone's like 'Oh you met the folks?' Its like, I don't know. Both of our folks are like our best friends so when we hang out, it's more like hanging out with friends."
What It Really Means: My parents spent many, many years trying to help me become famous, so do you think they wouldn't go along with this now? Get real!
Julianne Hough: "I could not be happier. Everything is wonderful. We are very compatible."
What It Really Means: I sold my soul a long time ago, so I have absolutely no problem bearding out for someone.
Julianne Hough: "People I have dated in the past, even though they have had a status of some sort, it was never like this. But when it's worth it, it's worth it."
What It Really Means: After years of being on that crappy dance show and having my country singing career hit the skids, I'm finally starting to get the real attention I need in Hollywood! Thank God!
Oh Julianne, Julianne, Julianne, we would suggest you get out of that roomful of flowers, which are probably laced with a mind-altering aroma, and make a lunch date with Mimi Rogers and Nicole Kidman, stat! And order several martinis, you're going to need them.

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