Backstage at The Oscars

Backstage at the 2010 Oscars...

Bradley Cooper: What is Ryan Seacrest doing with those tweezers? Oh man, he's plucking Zac Efron's eyebrows.

Gerard Butler: Hmmm. Strange. Very strange.

2010 Oscars

Every year at the Oscars, they always take the traditional group photo of all the winners. But so far, we haven't been able to find that photo from this year's ceremony.

We know the show was poorly produced, but you don't think they actually forgot to take the famous group photo, do you? Wow.
 

 (upper right: 2009-Kate Winslet, Sean Penn and Penelope Cruz;

upper left: 2008-Daniel Day-Lewis, Tilda Swinton, Marion Cotillard and Javier Bardem;

below left: 2007-Forest Whitaker, Jennifer Hudson, Helen Mirren and Alan Arkin;

below right: 2005-Morgan Freeman, Cate Blanchett, Hilary Swank and Jamie Foxx)
 

2010 Oscars

Let's face it, we thought the Oscar show last night was a disaster, and even worse, incredibly boring. The jokes were lame, the awful dance and musical numbers were there, and they still haven't figured out how to present the minor awards in an interesting way. But these aren't our biggest complaints with the show. Since the beginning of Oscar on t.v., there have always been bad hosts, bad jokes and boring segments. No, there's another more disappointing aspect of the show, and it's maybe not even the show's fault. It's the fact that there are now so many pre-Oscar awards shows, i.e. the SAGS, the Golden Globes, the Baftas, etc., all covered ad nauseum by the 24 hour news media, so that figuring out who's going to win the Oscars is absolutely no surprise. You would have had to have been living in a cave not to know that Mo'Nique, Christoph Waltz, Jeff Bridges and Sandra Bullock were all going to win. It takes all the surprise and excitement out of the Oscars; the winners knew they were going to win, which takes the fun out of their acceptance speeches, and the audience knew they were going to win. The audience last night looked downright bored.
 

We've got a suggestion. Why not have the Oscars before all those other awards shows? Then maybe the Oscar wins would be somewhat of a surprise. But wouldn't that diminish the importance of the Golden Globes, since the Globes are thought of as a predictor of the Oscars? Bingo. If an actor didn't care about winning a Golden Globe after he'd already won an Oscar, that ought to tell you something about the Golden Globes.

2010 Oscars

What's up, bitches!

2010 Oscars

One of the lowest points of the show, Neil Patrick Harris's opening muscial number. What were the show's producers thinking, "Well, let's see, everyone seemed to enjoy Hugh Jackman's musical numbers last year, so let's do it again, only this year, oh, we've got a crazy idea, let's get someone who's less attractive than Hugh, and who can't sing or can't dance! It'll be amazing!"
Note to Academy: Please lose Neil Patrick Harris' phone number. Sorry, Neil, we're just not that into you.

2010 Oscars

Our movie just won for Best Picture! Yeah! Way to go, Kathryn! Now, take your top off! Show us your tits! YEAH!

2010 Oscars

Ben Stiller follows up his cringe-inducing comedy bit at last year's Oscars with another one last night, even more awkward and unfunny than last year.

This guy is quickly becoming the Jerry Lewis of the 21st Century; so desperate to always act the buffoon, that soon that's just exactly the way that everyone will perceive him.
 

Look at this photo, even the stage hand hates him.

2010 Oscars

Oh my god, oh my god, I'm so excited. I just won two Oscars. Ohhhh myyyy gawd. This'll teach that asshole who rejected me last night on E-Harmony! Take that, fucker!

.

(kathryn bigelow with her two oscars for

best director and best picture)

2010 Oscars

Sandra Bullock took her Oscar from Sean Penn, held it up and asked the audience, "Did I really earn this, or did I just wear ya'll down?" We were thinking, as was probably half the audience, "We'll go with that last part."

Look, everyone loves Sandra Bullock, okay we get it, she's "America's Sweetheart". But is that a reason to give her an Oscar? Doris Day, Jean Arthur, Debbie Reynolds, Mary Pickford, they were all America's Sweethearts in their day, but the Academy didn't waste an Oscar on them just to prove their love. Bestowing an Oscar on someone simply because we "like them" seems especially sad considering that some of our greatest actors, Peter O'Toole, Barbara Stanwyck, Thelma Ritter, never won an Oscar. Sometimes the Academy members act like they're in junior high school all over again; the popular crowd snubs a girl because she doesn't fit in, (she's not a very good actor), and then at some point, the popular crowd feels guilty and decides to make it up to the misfit by showering her with attention and naming her the Homecoming Queen, (give her an Oscar). It's ridiculous; the Homecoming Queen still doesn't fit in, (she still can't act), but now everyone feels better. Maybe the name of the Oscar should be changed from Best Actress to Most Popular Actress, then we could at least stop the charade and be honest about it.

2010 Oscars

The Oscars are over, thank god. That show will go down in television history as one of the worst Oscar shows ever. They have got to get a real producer. Holy shit!




Anyway, the big awards were no surprise, Sandra Bullock won Best Actress, Jeff Bridges won Best Actor,
Kathryn Bigelow won for Best Director and "The Hurt Locker" won for Best Picture.






Kathryn Bigelow, the first woman in Oscar history to win for Best Director, was fittingly given her Oscar by another woman who is one of the few to have ever been nominated as Best Director, Barbra Streisand.

Yawn. We're going to bed. We'll add gobs of pics tomorrow. Goodnight, Oscar!

2010 Oscars

Austrian actor Christoph Waltz won the Best Supporting Oscar for "Inglorious Basterds", Quentin Tarentino's funny and dramatic World War II revenge fantasy.

 

Coincidentally, this means that both "Supporting" winners this year, Waltz and Mo'Nique won for playing awesomely evil villains.

2010 Oscars

Well, at this very moment, some dance troupe is doing interpretive dances of the Best Picture nominees, which made us throw up our most recent, past seven meals. So it might be time to catch up on the proceedings, since there's nothing of interest to watch on the live show.
 

Mo'Nique won for Best Supporting Actress, which we loved and thought was very well-deserved. Her acceptance speech didn't make a lot of sense or have a lot of relevance to anything except the voices inside her head, but hey, if there was ever a performance which deserved to win an Oscar, it was hers in "Precious", so good for her!

2010 Oscars

The 2010 Oscars are an hour and a half in, and let's just say, the show sucks and sucks bad. The opening number by Neil Patrick Harris was horrific, (did that thing really happen at The Oscars?), the opening comedic monologue by Hosts Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin was awkward and suprisingly unfunny, and the segments and video pieces in between the awards were, well, there's no other way to describe them... boring. Good god, who produces this fucking piece of crap show called The Oscars? We LOVE The Oscars, and no one looks forward to the show more than us, but the program as an entertaining t.v. show is really hurting. It's been going downhill for a number of years, but we thought last year's show was as bad as it could get. We were wrong.

At least we have the excitement of the awards themselves, but unfortunately, because of the all the press which now surrounds the other awards which lead up to The Oscars, (Golden Globes, SAG Awards, etc.), the winners of the Oscars are no longer a surprise as they used to be. We all know who's going to win, which takes the major fun out of the night. Many years ago, everyone held their breath as the envelope was being opened, and when the name was announced, there were gasps, screams and crazy, excited applause. Have you noticed how bored everyone in the auditorium is tonight? They all know what's going to happen before it happens. It's very sad. And very boring.

2010 Oscar Red Carpet V

And what self-respecting Hollywood Hunk Parade Down the Red Carpet would be complete without the newest addition to the pantheon of young gods, Taylor Lautner.

Once inside the ceremony, Taylor was caught grimacing on camera when Alec Baldwin mispronounced his name. Hey, Lautner, just be glad you're there, and they're saying your name at all. Okay? It could be much worse, you could be Ryan Seacrest.

2010 Oscar Red Carpet IV

Gerard Butler might not be in "300" shape any longer, but hey, we're not kicking him out of bed, or anywhere else for that matter, anytime soon. We don't even mind if he keeps making shitty movies, like the one he's in now with Jennifer Aniston, just keep showing up on our movie screens, that's all we ask.

2010 Oscar Red Carpet III

Oh... my.

2010 Oscar Red Carpet II

This ain't too bad, either. Holla!

(brian geraghty of "the hurt locker")

2010 Oscar Red Carpet

Forget the chicks, this is what we want to see on the Oscar red carpet. Ryan Reynolds looks amazing tonight, and he talked to the press about his upcoming "Green Lantern" movie in which he wears a skin-tight spandex suit that leaves nothing to the imagination.  Wow.  Rate that, Joan Rivers.

Rotting Road Kill and Other Things That Make Us Nauseous

The 2010 Oscar red carpet has begun, and we're less than two hours away from the Oscar broadcast. But before we turn ourselves over to the thrill and excitement of the awarding of the golden statuettes, can we just take one brief moment to say how much we're repulsed by Ryan Seacrest? We're not sure what it is about him which makes us more nauseous: the fact that he looks just like the Geico Gecko, that he makes millions with no discernible talent or the utterly brainless questions he asks the celebrities. Why does this man have a t.v. career? We can't answer that question, but we do know that when he's on our t.v. screen, we can't change the channel fast enough. Kids, this is what happens to you when you don't study in junior high school, and instead you spend too much time styling your hair. Don't let this happen to you!

I Want it Naked, Hard and Golden

On Feb. 2, Anne Hathaway will announce the nominations for the 2010 Academy Awards, and the 2010 Oscar race will hit the closing stretch. Which means it's time for us to make our official predictions.

It's getting easier and easier to do this. Many years ago, there weren't nearly as many awards shows televised, and our 24 hour news society wasn't as celebrity-obsessed as it is now, so come Oscar night, there were many surprises when the envelopes were opened. Not now. By the time the Golden Globes, the SAG Awards, the Producers Guild and the Directors Guild Awards have been handed out, it's almost a lock to know who will win the naked, golden man. Remember that the SAG, Producers Guild and Directors Guild voting members are the same people who vote for the Oscars, so, duh, they give their hands away with those earlier awards shows. So with that said...

Best Supporting Actress:
The "Up in the Air" women will be nominated, and probably Diane Kruger from "Inglorious Basterds", and maybe another long shot, (someone from "Nine"?), but this one's a lock for Mo'Nique in "Precious". You can take this one to the bank. It's done. They've already inscribed her name on the trophy.

(mo'nique in "precious")

Best Supporting Actor:
Somebody from "The Hurt Locker" will get a nomination, and maybe Robert Duvall from "Crazy Heart" for sentimental appeal, and almost certainly Stanley Tucci from "The Lovely Bones", but this one also looks like a sure thing for Christoph Waltz from "Inglorious Basterds". As with Mo'Nique, he's won every award leading up to the Oscars.

(christoph waltz in "inglorious basterds")
 

(sandra bullock in "the blind side")

Best Actress:
The nominations will include Meryl Streep for "Julie and Julia" and Gabourey Sidibe for "Precious", but we hate to say it, this looks like the year for Sandra Bullock from "The Blind Side". It's another "Julia Roberts' Oscar year", which means Sandra will win, not for the strength of her performance, but because Hollywood and the public has had a long-standing love affair with her, but she's alway made light-weight, fluff movies which never garnered critical praise. But this year she put on an accent, changed the color of her hair and acted in some scenes in which her character glared hard at others and acted like a "forceful woman", and the Oscar voters will eat it up. These are the type of award annointments which erode what little credibility the Oscars have left; sentimentality and popular appeal rule the day, instead of critically meaty acting performances. Meryl Streep might surprise, but we doubt it.

Best Actor:As with the Best Actress category, this one's not a lock, but it's looking pretty good for Jeff Bridges from "Crazy Heart". Bridges is another Hollywood favorite who's long paid his dues with little to no glittering hardware to show for it, but in his case, as opposed to Sandra's, by all accounts, Bridges seems to have actually turned in a gritty, meaningful, deserving performance. Plus, as Oscar loves the Julia Roberts/Sandra Bullock roles where nice girls put on push-up bras and kick some ass, Oscar loves it even more when actors grovel in their own emotional vomit as washed-up down-and-outers. Robert Duvall won his Oscar for playing a country singer character very similar to Bridges'. George Clooney will get a nomination for "Up in the Air", but it's most likely Jeff Bridges' year.

(jeff bridges and robert duvall in "crazy heart")

 

Best Picture:
This one, of the major categories, is about the only toss-up. Almost certainly the major contenders will be "District 9", "Up in the Air", "Precious", "Inglorious Basterds", "The Hurt Locker" and "Avatar", but we're not sure who'll take it. We're guessing it might be "Avatar", which would be painful for us considering that we dislike science fiction films, and we certainly hate the egomaniac that is director James Cameron. But Hollywood seems almost afraid not to reward the big, epic, huge money-making crowd pleasers, i.e. "Titanic", "Lord of the Rings", etc. Don't hold your breath, though, "The Hurt Locker" could pull off the upset.