Emmy Night 2010

Well, the good news is that the Emmy Show itself wasn't bad. Usually major entertainment awards shows suffer from bad writing and drag through long periods of unsufferable boredom, but the 2010 Emmy Awards broadcast was actually written and produced pretty well. It zipped along, and the segments where questions were posed to the nominees on pre-shot videotape, such as "What did your Mother want you to be?" were fresh and witty. The most shocking news is that Jimmy Fallon wasn't a complete bomb. He'll never be really very funny, but luckily, they kept his participation as Host to a bare minimum, so he was able to come across as likable and amusing instead of obnoxious.
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(host jimmy fallon in the opening
musical number with the "glee" kids).
Better news is that some people who actually deserved their awards won them. How's that for fresh and different? But, of course, there were some real head scratchers, too.
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(jane lynch wins for "glee")

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(jim parsons accepts his emmy
from a very excited eva longoria)
In the category of "People Who Really Deserved Their Wins" were Jane Lynch for "Glee" and Jim Parsons for "The Big Bang Theory". Lynch is a superbly talented comedic actor, and we knew from the very first episode of "Glee" that she would win an Emmy for the role of Sue Sylvester. We were right. And Jim Parsons won, finally! Parsons is one of the funniest guys on t.v. in his role as the geek of all time, Dr. Sheldon Cooper. But he failed to win in the past because he suffered from one of the silliest things that drives these type of awards; voters tend to shy away from voting for shows that aren't "water cooler" shows, those shows that everyone is talking about. And while "The Big Bang Theory" is incredibly funny, it's not a show that is on everyone's radar, so voters think it must not be good. Emmy voters are just like any other large populace mass, they vote how they're told to vote by big advertising, big marketing and hype.
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.The big shocker in the comedy category was Edie Falco winning for Lead Comedy Actress for "Nurse Jackie" over Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. What? Falco is not even a comedic actress, and she said as much, herself, when she accepted her trophy on stage, saying, "I'm not really funny". Truer words were never spoken, Edie. But Falco still rides "The Sopranos" wave of Emmy popularity. Note to Edie: When wearing a sleeveless dress, don't hold up an arm and flap it wildly in the air on national television. You've got some work to do before your arms resemble Michelle Obama's.
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(edie falco takes another emmy)

.But maybe the biggest shock of the night was "The Tony Awards" winning for Variety or Comedy Show Writing. Now get this: the writing for The Tony Awards" beat the writing for both Bill Maher and Wanda Sykes' stand-up comedy specials, "But I'm Not Wrong" and "I'm a Be Me", respectively. Are you kidding? The writing for the Bill Maher and Wanda Sykes shows was so funny that even after several viewings, those shows still make us double over in laughter. Where was the great writing for "The Tony Awards", the dumb jokes the hosts tell before they hand out a trophy? Somebody on The Tony Show production staff gave a lot of blowjobs in the bathroom to get that Emmy.
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Also in the "deserved" category was "The Daily Show"'s win over "The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien" for Best Variety, Music or Comedy Series. Okay, okay, we know that "The Daily Show" wins this Emmy every year, (it's won eight years in a row), and that everyone was anticipating a bitter, train-wreck of an acceptance speech from Conan, (especially us), but come on, "TDS" really is superb t.v., every single night. And come on, you didn't really think Conan's show was funny, did you? Conan's "Tonight Show" was uneven at best, and sometimes, even downright awful. But never fear, after that embarrassing, ego-driven acceptance speech by the "TDS" writer in which he more or less bragged that the show deserved its award, Jon Stewart's show might have just given away the Emmy for next year.
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("the daily show" writer who redefined the word "dick")
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."Mad Men" won its third Emmy in a row for Best Dramatic Series, and hype won over real quality again. We like "Mad Men", sometimes, but we dare you to watch the show and actually be able to stay interested for long periods of time. Meanwhile, two of the most original, riveting shows to come along in decades, "Dexter" and "Breaking Bad" continue to lose in this category. We're not fans of "Lost", so we're not going to join that crazy, fan-driven chorus of "Lost Wuz Robbed" drivel that you're going to read on every blog in the country for the next two days. Give it up, Lost'ers, "Lost"'s writing seemed at times as if a roomful of monkeys were plopped down in front of computers to come up with the storylines for the show, and then it was left to the show's producers and actors to pretend that the show made any sense at all.
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In the "Best Comedy Series", it all came down to "Modern Family" vs. "Glee", and "MF" took it. This was a toss-up; both shows are fresh, funny, well-acted, well-produced, and who knows why "MF" finally won. If we were voting, we would have given it to "MF" as well, simply because its writing was better. We love "Glee" as much as anyone, but sometimes it felt as if the "Glee" writers were making it up as they went along; the writing was uneven at best.
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(jesse tyler ferguson, george clooney and eric stonestreet in a video bit during the show).

.Another well-deserved win was Eric Stonestreet's for "Modern Family". Simply put, this guy is motherf**kng funny! The whole show, "Modern Family", is entertaining, but let's face it, most of the time you watch it, you're just waiting for more scenes with Eric Stonestreet. Well deserved, Mr. Stonestreet, well deserved.
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We thought Connie Britton should have won for "Friday Night Lights", but bigger star Kyra Sedgwick took it for "The Closer". Whatever. Seven-time Emmy winner, "The Amazing Race", finally lost the Best Reality Show award, to "Top Chef". "TAR" had won every Emmy Award given in that category since it began in 2003.
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Two of the most satisfying moments of the night came when the camera showed the sullen, glowering faces of Neil Patrick Harris and Hugh Laurie when names other than theirs were called out for the golden trophies. Okay, we're evil, but let's get real, these two get a lot of hype in the press for their talents which is probably not, well... deserved. Less is more, Hugh Laurie, less is more. But the most awkward moment of the night came when Julia Ormand took the stage to accept her trophy for "Temple Grandin", and attempted the "I'm Going to Name the Other Four Women Who Were Nominated in my Category" schtick to show "how honored she was to be in their company", only Julia screwed it up. She got through the first three names, but when she got to Catherine O'Hara, she said, "Catherine O... Catherine O... oh, what's her name? Catherine O... oh well, I'm honored... (blah, blah, blah)." Ouch.
.For once, the show got the "In Memoriam" section right. Jewel sang a soaring, heartbreaking original song about a friend who had died from cancer, while the video montage of actors who died in the past year were given more than the traditionally-given split second of air time. Wow. It was almost like the television academy actually cared about those legendary actors who had passed.
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.(al pacino)

.The biggest winners of the night were "Glee", "Modern Family" and the HBO movie, "Temple Grandin". The biggest loser of the night was Al Pacino's long, unending acceptance speech. Pacino won for playing Dr. Jack Kevorkian, who famously pulled the plug on terminally ill patients, but yet Pacino was allowed to ramble on on life support for what seemed like hours. Ironic, huh?
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(the real temple grandin

in the red bolo tie)

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Our favorite moment of the night was when the real Temple Grandin stole the show every chance she got. Give this woman her own show, she's even a bigger ham than Hugh Laurie!

Two Scoops of Nothing

Today it's all about the Emmy Awards. If your life is so empty that you actually get excited about moderately talented actors and badly written t.v. shows showering themselves with trophies of narcissism, that is. And all the entertainment writers are excitedly flogging their privates with the question of "What will Conan O'Brien do if he wins?". Oh god, what might he do? Continue to embarrass himself like a spoiled child on national television by taking barely disguised potshots at all those who have wronged him? Good god. Last night we watched "Hard Candy", a disturbing movie about the horrific lengths an unbalanced teen, (Ellen Page), went to to wreak revenge on her persecutor, (Patrick Wilson). It was a very scary movie, and we couldn't help think about how Conan O'Brien should have played the part of the teen girl; his simmering rage lurking just behind the spectre of his tightly pursed lips is scarier than Ellen Page holding a knife to Patrick Wilson's balls ever thought about being..And then we thought about the Emmy show itself. Someone actually hired Jimmy Fallon to host? Really? What about Tina Fey and Tracy Morgan? Can you imagine how much funnier the show would have been with the two "30 Rock" stars hosting? But you have to remember that awards show producers are specifically looking for someone who is "safe", and who can bridge the gap between the young and old generation, and in that regard, Jimmy Fallon is perfect. He's not funny or dangerous enough to potentially offend anyone over 50, but being under 40, himself, gives the show a younger skewering. Jimmy Fallon is like vanilla ice cream; boring as hell, but at least it's ice cream.
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And then, of course, with all the talk of Conan O'Brien comes inevitably the discussion and comments on thousands of blogs across the country as to "who is funnier: Conan or Jay?". Let's get real, are either one of them actually that funny? And that question led us to our next thought: just like Jimmy Fallon can be compared to vanilla ice cream, all of the current late night t.v. talk show hosts are like some sort of ice cream.

After all the dust of the late night wars has settled, David Letterman is, after all these years, still the funniest and most satisfying late night t.v. talk show host. Yes, at times, he's obnoxious, some of his comedic bits are stale, (The Top Ten), but pound for pound, you're more likely to get more real laughs and enjoy fresher, wittier writing on his show than any other late night offering. Letterman is like Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream; his ingredients are familiar, which gives him "comfort food" status, but he's still capable of coming up with new, original and unexpected flavors which always delight.

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Jay Leno is like Haagen-Dazs Ice Cream. He's the most expensive, he's the premium brand with the reputation of offering the richest flavor; "The Tonight Show" is still the "gold standard" for late night t.v. talk shows. But like Haagen-Dazs, Leno is sometimes bland and unoriginal. Yes, Haagen-Dazs makes good chocolate ice cream, but at the end of the day, it's just choclate ice cream. Where are the crumbled cookies, the bits of pretzels, the chocolate chips? Leno is at times lazy, just coasting on the historical reputation and built-in ratings of "The Tonight Show", cranking out his factory-made comedy like Haagen-Dazs cranks out its ice cream, on an assembly line.


And now for something completely different. Jimmy Kimmel is so original, that he's not like ice cream at all. Kimmel is more like gelato, something that's almost ice cream, but not quite. Jimmy Kimmel is sarcastic and ironic, and almost seems as if he's giving the finger to late night t.v., while at the same time managing to create hilariously funny comedy within the boundaries of a conventional late night formula. Kimmel turns the very idea of what late night talk can be on its head much like gelato invented the idea of eating ice cream without having to eat actual ice cream. Kimmel's wry cynical comedy is not everyone's taste, but like gelato, if one can't get the best tasting ice cream, then gelato is a very satisfying second choice.


Not being able to find a good ice cream brings us to Craig Ferguson. Oh, lord, where do we begin? It's hard for us to fairly judge Craig Ferguson, we've never been able to get past his opening monologue. Ferguson practically invented the terms, "mugging for the camera", "hamming it up", "self-indulgent comedy". We often joke about how we wonder how Conan O'Brien and Jimmy Fallon got their own t.v. shows, but in Craig Ferguson's case, we're not joking. How did this guy get his own t.v. show? Let's put it this way, Craig Ferguson is so painfully unfunny, he's not like any kind of ice cream, or even gelato, he's like yogurt. Yogurt is that treat you'd only buy if the grocery store shelves were completely empty of ice cream, and you were absolutely desperate for some sort of dairy treat. And then after eating the yogurt, you'd still have a craving for ice cream, just like watching Craig Ferguson makes one hungry for anything other than his show.

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Jimmy Fallon is not particularly funny, but he's not obnoxious or controversial, either. He's safe, middle of the road, he's like your local, small-town brand ice cream that's not popular enough or tasty enough to make it on the national market, but tastes good enough to satisfy some. He'll never be able to compete with the bigger brands, and just like his local brand of ice cream gets pushed to the back of the shelves by Ben and Jerry's and Haagen-Dazs, as other funnier performers continue to emerge, Jimmy Fallon will just keep getting pushed back later and later at night on the t.v. schedule. Finally, he'll be on so late at night that the only people who will watch him are those people who wake up in the middle of the night with an ice cream craving and will put anything in their mouths to satisfy that craving..
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And finally, we arrive at the Irish red headed wonder, Conan O'Brien. O'Brien took a once promising career as a writer and somewhat adequate performer, and in the last year let his ego and spoiled personality almost completely run it off the rails. O'Brien is like a dropped ice cream cone who someone dropped on the sidewalk and then walked away from, letting it melt and stankify in the hot day's sun. O'Brien was once that brash young writer who made a name for himself writing for "Saturday Night Live", (1987-91), and "The Simpson's". And then, in 1993, he started appearing on his own t.v. show, and at first, he was fresh and amusing, much like an ice cream cone on a hot summer day. But as time went on, his comedy grated on the nerves, trying a little bit too hard to be "wacky" and irreverent. And he never did learn how to interview a guest; he was that obnoxious friend who constantly interrupts your stories by finding a way to make your story about him. And then came the disaster of his "Tonight Show" gig, where instead of realizing that maybe his talent was, in the end, pretty limited, he took his firing like a petulant child who has his ice cream cone taken away, passive-aggressively lashing out at everyone who ever offended him. And finally, his talent as a comedian became like that ice cream cone who the frustrated mother finally just lets drop on the ground as she pulls her screaming brat down the sidewalk. And much like Conan's comedic abilities, that ice cream cone melted away on the hot, putrid sidewalk, turning a once delicious treat into something that eventually needed to be cleaned up and swept away.
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But are we hoping that Conan wins an Emmy tonight? Hell, yes. Because just like the rest of America who secretly enjoys train-wreck television, we can't wait to see how far he'll go to continue to embarrass himself.

The Schmemmys!

Last night was the Creative Arts Emmy Awards, or as Kathy Griffin calls them, "The Schmemmys. The Creative Arts Emmys are technical awards, such as for lighting, editing, make-up, costumes and "less important" shows and talent awards, such as Best Reality Show Host. Kathy Griffin's show, "Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List", was nominated for Outstanding Reality Show, but sadly, she was beaten last night by Jamie Oliver's "Food Revolution". Don't worry, we'll hear all about it in Griffin's next stand-up act. Especially since Jamie Oliver's show is co-executive produced by Ryan Seacrest, who Griffin refers to as "Miss Seacrest". When the nominations were first announced, Griffin gave an interview to Entertainment Weekly and said, "I'm pitted against my archnemisis, Ryan Fucking Seacrest". We can't wait.
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(kathy griffin arriving at last night's "schmemmy awards")

More Arrivals at the Emmy Awards

The sexy and the not-so-sexy at last night's red carpet for the 2010 Creative Arts Emmy Awards.

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Hey, "Mad Men" might be one of the most boring shows on television, (uninteresting story arcs, no character development, etc.), but anything that gives us a chance to look at Jon Hamm, well, hey, we're not complaining.

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Oh, God, no. Alan Cumming, dear one, there is creativity, and then there is disaster. We feel that you've fallen into the category of the latter. Get some help.

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GGILF! Ann-Margret, one of the original sex kittens of the 1960's might be nearing 70, but she still looks great.

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And speaking of sexy, it doesn't get much sexier than Derek Hough, of "Dancing With the Stars". This guy is so good looking and so charismatic, why, oh, why is he not on t.v. more often? Could we fire Ryan Seacrest and Neil Patrick Harris from every t.v. job they have and replace them with Derek Hough? If only.

The Female Elvis Wins

Ann-Margret started out in the 1960's as a "sex kitten", a starlet who was valued primarily for her looks and sexy swiggle, especially in the movie "Viva Las Vegas" in which she matched Elvis Presley move for move and was thereafter dubbed "The Female Elvis". But she later grew into a well-respected dramatic actress, even nominated twice for an Oscar.

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Ann-Margret won her first ever Emmy Award last night, for Outstanding Guest Actress in a Drama, for a guest spot on "Law and Order: SVU".

Another Score for Betty White

And, of course, when it came to Emmy Awards for Guest Spots, we all knew that Betty White was going to win for her Facebook-inspired stint last May as the host of "Saturday Night Live".
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(betty white on "match game"
in the 1970's)
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She did win last night, giving Miss White her seventh career Emmy win. We can't go into Betty White's entire career here, it would take too long. She's been on t.v. since, literally, the beginning of t.v. in the late 1940's; she won her first Emmy Award in 1952. Unfortunately Betty White wasn't at the Awards last night, robbing us of what would have surely been one of the funniest acceptance speeches of the night.
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(betty white as a 1950's

pin-up queen)

The Forehead Finally Wins

And speaking of moments we knew would surely come one day, but one which doesn't come without a great deal of pain, Neil Patrick Harris finally won an Emmy Award. In fact, he won two Emmys last night, for hosting The Tony Awards and for his guest spot on "Glee".
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Okay, let's face it. All the major awards communities, i.e. Oscars, Grammys, Emmys, etc., at times pick out certain people that they are determined, come hell or high water, to reward. Sometimes that determination to recognize someone comes out of pity for that person, the need to recognize that person's long career, or the need to prove that the nominating community is hip or "with it", but that determination very rarely comes from the fact that the annointed person has any real talent or deserves the award. Such is the poor, pitiful case with Neil Patrick Harris. Harris is probably one of the most over-rated, and unfunny, actors in Hollywood, but for some reason, (see above list), the Emmy community has nominated him year after year after nauseating year. Okay, Emmy community, you finally made your point, you like this guy, you gave him two trophies. Now, for god's sakes, could you please move on, and glom on to a new moderately talented semi-star, and let Neil Patrick Harris slide into entertainment oblivion? We can only hope.

Probst and Purple Rain

But thankfully, sometimes people with real talent win Emmy Awards. Two such winners which caught our attention at last night's Creative Arts Emmy Awards were Jeff Probst and Wendy and Lisa.

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Jeff Probst won his third straight Emmy Award for hosting CBS's long-running reality competition show, "Survivor". Probst is one of those guys who follows the Bob Barker mold of television performers in that he probably can't act, dance or sing, but he's so charismatic, so smart, so likable, that he elevates a simple "hosting" job into one that attracts real respect. Jeff Probst is one of those guys that everyone would like to know; he's emminently watchable. We'll be very interested to see what he does on t.v. after "Survivor" finally ends.

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Now for a real flashback. Remember Wendy and Lisa, who were two of Prince's female musicians back in the "Purple Rain" days? Well, it seems that Wendy and Lisa became successful writers of music for film and television over the years since leaving the driver of the "Little Red Corvette", and they won an Emmy last night for composing the theme music for the Showtime show, "Nurse Jackie".

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But fame and success doesn't come without its drawbacks, and evidently without jealously from your former employers. Recently, Prince sent Wendy and Lisa a "cease and desist" letter which demanded that they stop talking about Prince in interviews. Ouch.

Laugher of the Day

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Yesterday, on The Huffington Post, we came across the headline, "Ryan's Makeout", and after a Scooby Doo-inspired "Rurgh?", we couldn't get to the linked website fast enough to learn the details. At a website of some Hollywood paparazzi photographers, we found this photo and this copy:
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"Ryan Seacrest and Julianne Hough made no secret of the fact that they're crazy about each other as they enjoyed a passionate reunion on Ryan's yacht in Portofino, Italy. Clearly being apart for even a week was tough on the couple - when Julianne flew out to meet Ryan, she ran up the gangplank and threw herself into his arms, giving him a full body hug before planting a sexy smooch on his lips."
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Oh. My. God. We literally almost fell off our chairs laughing. And when we stopped laughing, we reread the copy. It doesn't sound like it was written by paparazzi photographers, does it? More like Ryan's publicists. And have you ever seen someone in the public eye try so hard to show off a girlfriend? Other than Tom Cruise, that is. We're sure even the "paparazzi photographers" were standing nearby, after taking the photo, and scratching their long, hairy beards over this one.
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But reveling in the love of a gorgeous, blonde, Hollywood career-climbing starlet, (and Hershey Bars from the looks of the photo at left), is not the only thing that's keeping Ryan Seacrest busy these days. The Emmy Award nominations were announced this week, and it seems Ryan got another nom for hosting "American Idol". Wow. We didn't know that announcing the singers' names and saying in mock-dramatic tones, "THIS... is American Idol" every week was Emmy Award-winning stuff; we're thinking Vanna White must be sitting at home and thinking, "What the fuck? At least I turned some letters!" We hear you, Vanna. Only in Hollywood could someone who's a little odd-looking, with no discernible talent, and even less discernible charm make it so big. Here's to you, Ryan Seacrest. You're doing something right. We don't know what it is, but... hey, we're just saying.

Adding More Hardware to the Cheerios' Trophy Case

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The Emmy nominations were announced today, and as we predicted months ago, Jane Lynch, as Sue Sylvester on "Glee", was nominated for Outstanding Supporting Actress in a comedy.

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We'll write something later on all the nominations, the good, the bad and the ugly of the increasingly silly Emmy Awards, but for now, let's just say that they can go ahead and inscribe Jane's name on that winged angel, she's going to win. To be up against Lynch in this category in this year, "Now that's hard!"