Martin Luther King's Dream

Today is the 47th anniversary of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.'s historic "I Have a Dream" Speech which he gave from the steps of the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, D.C. on August 28, 1963.
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Dr. King dreamed of a world in which people would be judged for their character and not the color of their skin. And music superstars Beyonce and Jay-Z, vacationing in France this week, are helping to make that dream come true. They're music superstars, yes, but that's not why they're emblematic of the progress which the African-American community has made.
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No, we're talking about the fact that it was once only White Americans who perpetuated the stereotype of the "ugly American", the tourist who goes to foreign lands wearing loud, garish clothing and trumpeting to the rest of the world that while we might have money, we don't necessarily have taste. But that right to embarrass oneself in a foreign country is not just for White people any longer. Thank you, Beyonce and Jay-Z, you've made us all proud.

You Can Take the Girl Out of the Trailer Park, But...

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Oh my.

Grammy Awards 2010 - Part I

Last night were the 2010 Grammy Awards. Normally the Grammys are one of our favorite awards shows of the year; it's one of the few major awards shows which realizes that the awards don't really matter, it's the musical performances that people tune in to see. The performances usually make the show a blockbuster event and provides at least one or two classic showstoppers that are remembered and talked about for years to come. Uh... not this year.

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(lady gaga opened the show)

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To say that this year's show was underwhelming is an undertatement. Between the numbers that resembled Broadway dance numbers, second rate Cirque du Soleil acts and the ones whose singers couldn't sing in tune, it's no wonder the most talked about event was Michael Jackson's children making a speech. Whatever happened to sex, drugs and rock and roll? Whatever happened to the singers and bands that could blow us away with their sheer talent, their overwhelming sexual charisma and their monstrous musical abilities? No wonder the music industry is hanging onto survival by its fingernails. The music business needs real talent as desperately as the cast of "The Jersey Shore" needs a good eyebrow threading.

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Lady Gaga opened the show dressed in a giant, green, Lucky Charms marshmellow outfit with an over-the-top set and a line of dancing chorus boys that was... well, how do we put this? We haven't seen anything so campy since Ryan Seacrest's mouthwash commercial in which he's desired as a sex object by women. The number ended with twin pianos rolled out on the stage, Lady Gaga at one, and Elton John on the other, in matching outfits no less, performing a mashup of her "Speechless" and his "Your Song". Entertaining? Yes. Fun performance art? Yes. Great rock and roll? Uh... no.

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Stephen Colbert followed Lady Gaga with a comedic monologue that was actually pretty funny. At one point, he said, "We are here tonight to celebrate what I believe is our most precious right, the right of celebrities to congratulate each other." Hilarious, but that one seemed lost on the self-absorbed crowd.

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The "Song of the Year" trophy went to Beyonce's "Single Ladies". The Song of the Year award goes to the songwriter, not the singer. You knew this gargantuanally popular song was going to get some kind of trophy, but Song of the Year? Really? Oh yeah, we're sure the lyrics of "Single Ladies" will stand up to the other great, classic Songs of the Year, i.e. "Killing Me Softly With His Song", "Send in the Clowns" and "Bridge Over Troubled Water". Put a ring on that one, Knowles.

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A little bit later Taylor Swift's "Fearless" won for "Best Country Album". Taylor, opened mouthed and gasping, climbed the stage and said, "Omg, this is the first time I've ever climbed those stairs and accepted a Grammy on national t.v.!" We very nearly vomited. Listen, we love the cute, little country princess as much as the next person, (even though her music is hardly

"country"), but at this point, the girl has won every major award known to music, including the prestigious Country Music Association's "Entertainer of the Year", a feat unheard of for someone so young. So the whole, "oh, wow, I didn't expect this, and I'm so shocked I might wet myself" routine is getting a little tiresome.

2010 Grammy Awards - Part II

Beyonce took to the stage for her highly anticipated number,

"If I Were a Boy". It was another over-produced, Broadway-lite attempt at having a water cooler number, but it was all just a little too forced. Beyonce, we're begging you, just sing, you've got the pipes, you don't need to try so hard to impress. At one point, "Miss Fierce", (didn't Tyra Banks outlaw the word "fierce" a few years back for being overused and cliched?), even got down on her hands and knees and swung her wig around, ala Tina Turner, like a Tilt-a-Whirl on crack cocaine. How much longer are strong, powerful women like Ms. Knowles going to believe that they have to play the sexually agressive, horny sex kitten to get attention? Stop the madness, please! At one point, she even grabbed her crotch. It was silly, it was ridiculous, it was too much. We think there's something unsettling about Beyonce and her career choices, but we'll talk about that later. For now, we'll just say that despite the pandering production number, we really are fans of Beyonce's voice, especially when she segued into Alanis Morrisette's "You Oughta Know".

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But just when we thought Lady Gaga and Beyonce had gone too far over the top, Pink took the stage and really made us want to cower in the corner until it all just went away! Pink, in a nude body stocking, (isn't this the woman that used to rag on other women for playing too much to their sexy bodies?), sang a song while being lifted into the air by a strip of fabric, ala Cirque du Soleil, and spun around and around and around, also dripping and spewing water all over the audience. Is this really the state of popular music and performance? Why, God, why? Pink, poor misguided pop star, if you ever get the urge to do something like a Ringling Brothers Barnum & Bailey Circus act again, just ask yourself, "Would the Beatles do this? Would the Rolling Stones do this? Would Etta James do this?". And then maybe you'll come to your senses.

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Loretta Lynn got a Lifetime Achievement Award, but as is always the case with the Lifetimers, they never get to take the stage for an acceptance speech. It's sad. We've got an idea, could we trade a couple of the circus acts for allowing a legend like Loretta Lynn to at least go up on stage and say "thank you"? Is that asking too much? We could even run a "crawl" at the bottom of the screen explaining to the tween set who Loretta Lynn is and why she's infinitely more important to the history of popular music than Pink.

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The Zac Brown Band won the "Best New Artist" Grammy.

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(zac brown of the zac brown band)

Oscars - 9:47 pm

We'd rather eat a can of dog food than to sit through this again.

(hugh jackman and beyonce)

Oscars - 9:46 pm

Ooops, we cut that last segment off too soon. James Franco, Seth Rogan and Janusz Kaminski, a two time Oscar winner for Cinematography, come out, live, to give the Oscar to Best Short Film. The winner is "Spielzeugland (Toyland)".
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We just realized, we haven't seen the host, Hugh Jackman, in a long time. We're guessing this might be the first time in Oscar history that the producers of the show decided mid-broadcast that they made a horrible mistake, and they're breaking the news to Jackman to go ahead and take a cab home.
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No, we spoke too soon. Jackman comes out and starts another musical number, something about a salute to movie musicals. Oh God, now Beyonce appears and booty-shakes her way across the stage. We love this girl, but she's about as equipped to perform a Broadway musical number as the monster in "Young Frankenstein". Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens take part in the number, but they're only allowed to sing a couple of bars before they're swept into the background. Wise move. At the end of the torturous number, we find out Baz Luhrman created and directed the number. Oh, Baz. You'll be punished for this, we promise. If we have to hunt you down and do it ourselves, you will be punished.

And Even More Arrivals - 8:25 pm

Ooops!!

Catfight Thursday!

It's Catfight Thursday and some very famous women are throwing down!
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First, rock legend Etta James publicly stated at a recent concert that she couldn't stand Beyonce, and that she'd like to "whup her ass!" Evidently Miss James did not appreciate Beyonce singing her signature song, "At Last", at Pres. Obama's inauguration. Beyonce, who recently portrayed Etta James in the film, "Cadillac Records", has wisely not responded. Listen, Miss Fierce, I don't know about you, but we wouldn't tangle with Etta James. That woman has seen it all: drug addiction, poverty, abuse, etc., not to mention the fact that she kicked down the doors of racism and sexism that you later walked through. You might better leave any Etta James songs off your future set lists.
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One Etta James fan commented on another website that she didn't blame James for being upset. She stated that Etta James is a legend, unlike Beyonce, and she went on to say, "Can you imagine anyone covering 'Single Ladies' or 'Crazy in Love' in fifty years? Ouch!
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We've been Etta James fans for over thirty years. Her discography is breathtaking; in addition to her heartbreaking ballads, "At Last", "Sunday Kind of Love" and "Trust in Me", James could rip your head off with scorching rock blasts, such as "Tell Mama", "If I Can't Have You" and "Security". James is a member of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, the Blues Hall of Fame, has received the Lifetime Achievement Grammy Award and has been inducted into the Grammy Hall of Fame twice. Yes, Miss Beyonce, maybe you better just sit down and take a lesson. You ain't there yet, honey.
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This brush-up with Etta James follows another incident in which Beyonce almost got her ass kicked by another soul legend, Aretha Franklin, when Beyonce, at last year's Grammy Awards introduced Tina Turner as "the queen". Aretha, who has been known as the "Queen of Soul" for over forty years did not appreciate. Damn, Beyonce! Girl, you better gather you up some extra wigs and a couple of buckets of KFC and head for the hills to hide out for awhile, otherwise, somebody's gonna find you dead in a ditch somewhere, with a big dent in the back of your head shaped just like a Grammy Award.
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Round 2 features Ashley Judd vs. Sarah Palin. Ashley is appearing in a video for an animal rights organization in which she decries Palin's encouragement of hunting wolves from helicopters. Palin does love to kill things, in addition to putting the death knell on McCain's presidential campaign, at right she's shown in what can only be described as "a blind date gone horribly wrong." (She later stated, "I thought his voice sounded funny just before he tried to mount me.")
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Today on ABC's "The View", the women discussed this incident, and Elisabeth, ever the deep thinker, railed against Miss Judd for defending animal rights but not the life of aborted babies. Elisabeth, who is the intellectual equivalent of Elly May Clampett, got all riled up and almost went ballistic until Joy wisely shut her up by pointing out that it's funny how "pro-lifers" get all worked about abortion but are okay with the death penalty and war, which kills hundreds of thousands of innocent people.
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Sarah Palin, like Elisabeth Hasselback, never quite knows when it's prudent to button her lips, and she shot back at Ashley Judd claiming Miss Judd didn't understand the issue. She went on to explain that Alaska must control the wolf population, otherwise they kill all the caribou, and that "in these rough economic times", the people of Alaska depend on those caribou as a food source for themselves. Holy crap! Is it that bad in Alaska? Have all the Wal-Marts shut down? Can you no longer find Lean Cuisines on Aisle 3? Hell, I'll stay in the lower 48, thank you, because if it's gotten so bad up there that you have to go a-huntin' moose just to eat, no thanks!
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Ashley Judd's position as a defender of animal rights could come into question, however, if this photo hits the internet. As she is conversing with her race car driver husband, she is clearly about to strangle someone's cock-a-poo-poo!
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And finally, we end with the nastiest fight of all, a brawl between a legendary actress and a young... well, someone who hopes to one day be an actress, Faye Dunaway and Hilary Duff!
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Evidently, tween queen Hilary Duff has been cast in the remake of "Bonnie and Clyde". What? When we heard this, we thought, "What, are they making a really lame, unfunny Saturday Night Live version of the film? Because if Duff has been cast in the weighty role of Bonnie, the only logical choice for Clyde would be another actor who's as untalented and as uncharismatic as Duff, Jimmy Fallon." But then we looked it up on IMDB.com, and they've cast an unknown actor as Clyde. It makes sense, they had to find someone who's acting skills were even weaker than Duff's, that way when the film tanks faster than Oprah chows down at an all-you-can-eat buffet, they can blame it on Duff's co-star.
(at right, Hilary Duff in a "casting session" with some "film producers")

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Anyway, we digress. The feud started when Miss Dunaway, who was Oscar nominated for the original film, stated, "Couldn't they at least cast a real actress?" Me-oww! Duff shot back with, "My fans don't even know who Faye Dunaway is." Really, Hilary, are your fans as mentally-challenged as you? Have you all been living in caves? "Bonnie and Clyde" was not only an Oscar-winning film, but it literally changed Hollywood at the time; it marked the end of the old studio system and helped to usher in a whole new wave of filmmakers like Steven Spielberg, George Lucas, William Friedkin, Francis Coppola, etc. Let me guess, your fans haven't heard of those guys, either. Maybe your fans should pull their Ipods out of their asses and pay attention. Sorry, we're digressing again. So Duff ended her remarks by saying that she couldn't blame Dunaway for being angry, she said, "I might be mad if I looked like that now, too." Oooh!
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Really, Hilary, do you really want to mess with this?