Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda: Helen Mirren

We're gearing up for one of our favorite nights of the year, The Oscars. Even though in recent years, all the surprise has gone out of the "opening of the envelope", it's still a fun show and one of the most watched t.v. events in the world.
 

(helen mirren)

And with the Oscars so near, the classic movie networks, TCM and AMC show a lot of Oscar winning films. Last night AMC aired "The Queen", which won Helen Mirren a Best Actress Oscar in 2007. It was first time we'd seen the film since its debut in 2006, and it allowed us to play one of our favorite Oscar games, "Who Really Should Have Won?"

Helen's competition in 2007 was Meryl Streep for "The Devil Wears Prada", Judi Dench for "Notes on a Scandal", Kate Winslet in "Little Children" and Penelope Cruz in "Volver".

We can eliminate the easy ones first. It wasn't Penelope's "time", meaning that Oscar voters often have to "warm up" to giving someone an Oscar by nominating her a few times first, and the members of the Academy in 2007 were still warming up to Cruz. It's similar to how figure skating judges won't give a skater a win the first time out; the skater has to earn the win over time. Meryl Streep could have won, but the part wasn't really that meaty, and the Academy tends to take Streep for granted, thinking she'll always be around giving great performances, and they can always reward her later. Plus, she already has two Oscars, which makes a lot of voters think "she has her two, let someone else win."

Kate Winslet was nearing the end of her "warming up" period, and the Academy was definitely ready to reward her, (she won two years later), but Winslet's role in "Little Children" just didn't have the power punch that makes someone put a check beside her name on the ballot. A lot of voters think, "If she's this good in a lightweight role, then she'll get a better role in a couple of years, and we can give it to her then." (And they were right, Winslet won in 2009 for the more substantial "The Reader".)

(cate blanchett and judi dench in "notes on a scandal")

Which brings us to Judi Dench. In our opinion, she was the only other nominee that could have won that year. Dench was absolutely scary in her role, creating an unforgettable character frought with drama, depth and weight. The role had "the range" of the entire spectrum of human emotions, and Dench's performance had a real arc, she transformed the shocking character right before our eyes, forcing us at times to sympathize with the character and at other times, hate her and root for her demise. It was a fantastically written role and incredibly played, which in lesser hands would have surely become horror camp.

So why did Helen Mirren win? When there are two performances which are truly worthy, other things come into play: who's turn is it, is it the last time they can win before they die, etc., but sometimes it just comes down to personal preferences. At first glance, one wonders how Mirren could win an Oscar for playing a character whose emotional range is so limited, and one whose actual face even barely moves. But upon watching the film last night, we remembered why Mirren was so unbelievable. Without moving her face, and with very little change in vocal tone, she managed to display a wide range of emotions, and as with Dench's character, at times we hated her and at times felt sorry for her. Mirren's performance was a slight twist on the "Jane Wyman/Holly Hunter" Oscar winning performances in which they played mutes who couldn't speak but displayed all their emotion on their faces. Mirren couldn't display any emotion on her face but did it all with her voice.


In the end, Dench and Mirren's performances were so completely different, it's apples and oranges, so we're guessing the vote that year came down to personal preferences, and the fact that Dench had already won an Oscar. Both women deserved to win that year, and we would have been happy with either win. If you've never seen "The Queen", take a look at it, and see if you don't come away thinking, "Wow, she did a lot of fast dancing in that role when it looked like her feet were barely moving!"

And then again, maybe Mirren won because she's over 60 and still sexy as hell. Wow!

Feel free to play the game. Why do you think Helen Mirren won?


(helen mirren)

Hollywood Watch - Part 2

HBO and director Todd Haynes is remaking one of our all-time favorite movies, "Mildred Pierce", into a 5 part mini-series. We haven't heard a lot about the production other than the fact that Kate Winslet will star in the Joan Crawford title role.

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(joan crawford and ann blythe)

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Crawford won her only Best Actress Oscar for this classic 1945 story of a single mother struggling to make a living for her daughter while simultaneously trying to win her approval. It was a classic

"women's picture", fraught with love, romance, cheating, backstabbing and murder all done in a style which walked the tight rope between high drama and high camp.

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(joan crawford as "mildred pierce")

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There were plenty of juicy roles in the original film, both for men and women, but the biggest question for the remake at this point has to be, who will play Ann Blythe's spoiled, ultra-bitch of a daughter, Veda Pierce? We're guessing that every young actress in Hollywood with half a brain is fighting for that role. And, of course, who will play Lottie, Mildred's maid, played in the original by Butterfly McQueen, who shot to fame a few years earlier playing Prissy in Gone With The Wind.

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(butterfly mcqueen and joan crawford)

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Look, there's no way they're going to top the original; "Mildred Pierce" was a legendary, iconic movie, and sadly, that type of movie will never come this way again. However, if anyone can update it and do it in an entertaining way, we think that director Todd Haynes can, who created a minor masterpiece in 2002 with another "Douglas Sirk-inspired" women's film, "Far From Heaven".

2009 Oscars

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.The traditional group photo of the night's acting Oscar winners, minus the late Heath Ledger.

Oscars - 11:30 pm

One newspaper reviewer said the spectacle of all the women showering a fellow member of their sex with love and praise was a little too "Vagina Monologue-ish". Bingo.

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Another reviewer said the way the former winners stood in a half circle staring solemnly into the audience looked like a "star chamber about to banish an offender to the distant planet Zardon".

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It was a little creepy.

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(kate winslet, sophia loren, nicole kidman, marion cotillard, shirley maclaine, halle berry, and at top, an unidentified vagina herder)

Oscars - 11:28

Okay, here we go, the Best Actress Award. Out comes Sophia Loren, Shirley MacLaine, Halle Berry, Marion Cotillard and Nicole Kidman. They all look amazing, save, maybe Shirley. Sophia Loren looks unbelievably sexy. Wow. And this woman is 74! And Marion, Nicole and Halle, you don't get any better looking than those three.
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The winner is Kate Winslet for "The Reader".
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Kate gave a nice little speech, but no great emotional tearing-up moment. Let's hope Penn or Langella or Rourke loses it onstage. We desperately need an Oscar moment!
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We did love the moment in which Kate was searching the audience for her parents, and she asked her dad to whistle, so she could find him. A loud shrieking whistle came out of the crowd, Kate turned and saw him, and waved and giggled like a little girl. It was very fun.

2009 Baftas - 9:44 pm

Back at the Baftas... this is exhausting! Shia LeBoueff, did we spell that right? gave the award for "Rising Star" to Noel Clark . Toby Kebbell was one of the nominees, who we recently saw in "Rocknrolla", and he was dazzingly sexy in that film, an especially difficult task considering he was playing a drugged-out crackhead.
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Next up was Terry Gilliam who won an "Academy Fellowship". Cut to audience: Brad and Angelina look unhappy. Angelina's eyes look like they could bore a hole through your head. Eeek.

(toby kebbell)

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Daniel Craig, (holy crap that man is HOT!!), came out to give the award for Best Actress. And no surprise, Kate Winslet won for "The Reader". Kate took our advice and worked on her speech, instead of acting like a 12 year-old boy who's just had his first orgasm, (out of breath, panting, overwhelmed at how good it feels), she managed a coherent, thoughtful acceptance speech. Keep it up, Kate, and get your Oscar acceptance speech ready, honey, you're going to need it.
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Back to the Grammys!

(daniel craig and kate winslet)

Oscar Love

It's almost time for the Oscars, one of our favorite events of the year. We're pulling for Kate Winslet, who commented at the recent Academy Awards Nominees' Luncheon that she was prepared to lose for the sixth time. But if you've seen her in "The Reader", we think you'll agree with us that she need not worry this year. She's got it.


Take our Oscar Quiz below to test your knowledge of Oscar trivia. The Answers are at the bottom of this post.

1. Name these Oscar winners from 1948.

2. Elizabeth Taylor won two Oscars, one in 1960 for "BUtterfield 8", pictured here with Burt Lancaster who won Best Actor that year for "Elmer Gantry". Name the other movie for which Miss Taylor won an Oscar.


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3. Alice Brady, pictured here with Andy Devine, Don Ameche and Tyrone Power, is the only Oscar-winning actor never to see or touch her Oscar. It was stolen by an imposter who accepted the award for her at the 1938 Oscar ceremony, and Miss Brady died before she could be given a replacement statuette. Name this 1937 movie for which Alice Brady won her Oscar.

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4. And speaking of Don Ameche, (pictured here at the 1986 Oscars with Cher), 49 years after co-starring with Alice Brady in her Oscar winning film, he won his own Oscar in 1986 for what film?












5. Name these Oscar winners from 1962.







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ANSWERS:
1. Darryl F. Zanuck, producer of Best Picture, "Gentlemen's Agreement";
Loretta Young, Best Actress for "A Farmer's Daughter";
Edmund Gwenn, Best Supporting Actor for "Miracle on 34th Street";
Celeste Holm, Best Supporting Actress for "Gentlemen's Agreement";
Ronald Colman, Best Actor for "A Double Life".

2. Elizabeth Taylor won her second Best Actress Oscar for "Who Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" in 1967.

3. Alice Brady won her Best Supporting Actress Oscar for "In Old Chicago".

4. Don Ameche won his Best Supporting Actor Oscar for "Cocoon".

5. Rita Moreno, Best Supporting Actress for "West Side Story";
George Chakiris, Best Supporting Actor for "West Side Story";
Greer Garson accepted the Best Actress Oscar for an absent Sophia Loren, who won for "La Ciociara" (Two Women);
Maximilian Schell, Best Actor for "Judgment at Nuremberg".

You Must Love Me and Give Me a Trophy!

The SAG Awards were held Sunday night, and it wasn't pretty. Look, we love Hollywood, we love movies and movie stars, and we love awards shows. Any day we get to see famous people make fools of themselves is a day worth living. But we were struck with two thoughts during this year's SAG awards.
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First, why is it that the same people get nominated over and over again at all of these awards shows? Of the thousands of people who vote for these things, no one, not one single person noticed the work of Michelle Williams in "Wendy and Lucy", Eddie Marsan in "Happy-Go-Lucky", James Cromwell or Richard Dreyfuss in "W.", Benicio Del Toro in "Che", anyone from "4 Months, 3 Weeks, 2 Days", anyone from the devastating "The Boy in the Striped Pajamas"? And "Slumdog Millionaire" which has won, and will win, every award this year for Best Movie doesn't have one single cast member worthy of recognition? How do you have a Best Movie without a Best Performance? Or is it that no one in the movie business actually watches movies, and they all just line up like sheep and vote for whomever they're told is "the best" that year? Show some imagination, folks, you're supposed to be creative people.
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And second, there is a time and place for everything. Right now, we happen to be going through one of the roughest and scariest times in the history of our nation. We're hopelessly mired in two fucked up foreign wars, our economy and health care system are on the verge of complete collapse, and thousands are losing their homes, their pensions and their jobs. So maybe it's not the right time for spoiled, multi-millionaire movie stars to get all teary-eyed and flog their privates on national television because someone gave them a trophy. We're not saying that we can't enjoy the good times, even frivolous activities during hard times, but the movie stars might remember to be a little more humble in their acceptance of these awards, that getting a trophy is really not very important in the big picture of life, especially when so many around you are genuinely hurting.
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But for what it's worth, here's what we noticed at this year's SAG awards.



Here's your SAG Awards ballot. Write down my name and spell it right. Fail to mail it in on time, and you'll burn in hell, bitch!







Sean Penn won Best Actor for "Milk", for which we were very happy; he was fantastic in the film. We mentioned in our previous Oscar post that we think Frank Langella will win the Oscar instead of Penn, which we still believe. But regardless of who wins awards, is it just us, or does Sean Penn get sexier and sexier as he gets older?



Meryl Streep won Best Actress for "Doubt", which was richly deserved, but it was a little creepy to watch her Prom Queen-like reaction to winning the trophy. Come on, Meryl, you've already won two Oscars, and have been honored with an AFI Tribute, for god's sakes, at which everyone in Hollywood and their mothers showed up to lick your feet and drink champagne strained through your dirty socks. So is it really that big of a shock that those same people would line up once again to kiss your ring and turn over to you their first born? Grace, Meryl, grace.






Mickey Rourke lost the award, but he still managed to skeeve out every woman in the room. Five minutes after kissing Angelina Jolie's hand, her hand began to turn green and small bug-like creatures started making their way up her arm. Brad rushed her to the hospital, and after a painful, radioactive scrub, Jolie was on her way to recovery. Moral of the story: when the guy who hasn't bathed in a few months comes near, keep your arms and hands inside your vehicle.





The sexiest guy of the night, Josh Brolin. In fact, forget Brad and Angelina, Josh and Diane Lane are the hottest couple in Hollywood. Josh lost the Supporting Actor SAG, but we still think he'll win the Oscar.

Oh my god! She's still at it. Shut up, Streep, and sit the fuck down. Let someone else in the room have some air!








This guy won another award for "acting". What? First, we don't know anyone who actually watches this show. And second, of just the few snippets we've seen of it, Hugh Laurie's "acting" is so awful, so hammy, so over-the-top, we'd rather hold our hand over an open flame than to have to watch more. This guy is so full of himself, he definitely deserves to be punished. In fact, remember the good old, American colonial, witch hunting days in which the townfolk would make someone lie down, they'd place a wide board on top of him, and slowly pile rocks on top of the board until the guy was crushed to death? We keep having this recurring fantasy in which Hugh Laurie is underneath that board, and everytime he wins another award, we get to add that heavy trophy to the pile already on top of his board.

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We're not sure why Mrs. Tom Cruise was there. Did someone leave the basement door unlocked? Is she simply fulfilling her contractual obligations as a highly paid beard? We don't know, but we were definitely creeped out by her glassy-eyed, Stepford-like stare.

And speaking of "the couple", what's up with Angelina these days? She dresses in bland shrouds, her hair looks like crap, and every time the camera cuts to her at the show, she looks so clenched she looks like she's pinching a hole in the seat. Holy crap, lady, if being a well-paid, famous movie star is that painful, then get out of here, go snatch up some more kids to adopt and stay the hell home. This girl looks so miserable, she looks like she's one step away from taking Billy Bob back.
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Kate, Kate, Kate. Oh honey, we LOVE you, and your performance in "The Reader" was phenomenal. Seriously. But come on, you've won a few awards now for this role, and you'll probably win some more, so you might want to sit down at some point and actually write out a little "thank-you" speech. Please stop going up on stage and acting like a 12 year-old boy who just had his first orgasm: breathless, panting, face flushed and overwhelmed at how good it feels. Remember: gather!






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Oh, here we go, the moment we knew was coming, and the moment which makes everyone secretly cringe. Heaping an award on the dead guy. Heath Ledger was good in "The Dark Knight", he wasn't great. But everyone's rushing to give him the trophies they should have awarded him for "Brokeback Mountain", but for which they were too gutless at the time to give him. It's just very wrong. And as always is the case, giving someone an award out of sympathy robs another person who might truly be worthy of that same award. Grow up, people!




The other sexiest guy of the night, Jon Hamm of "Mad Men". Wow. Could you imagine if he went over to Josh Brolin's house one night to read a script, and Diane Lane happened to be out of town, and Josh and Jon had a couple of drinks, and they (deleted), and then they went outside and (deleted), and then, when they got out of the hot tub, they went inside the house and (deleted)? Wouldn't that be hot?





Oh, holy crap, she's still going! What will it take to get her to sit down? Someone please take her trophy away and remind her that she also made "Mamma Mia" this year. Okay?

Does This Gold Statuette in my Hand Make Me Look Fat?

OSCARS '09

(David Cross and Kate Winslet in "The Reader", Viola Davis in "Doubt", Josh Brolin in "Milk", Dev Patel in "Slumdog Millionaire")

Well, here we go again, the Oscar nominations have been announced, and Hollywood's biggest horse race of the year has begun. While the Oscars supposedly go to the "best" performances of the year, the winners actually win for a variety of reasons, i.e. popularity, politics, lifetime achievements, sympathy, etc. Sometimes the Oscar goes to the person who actually delivered the strongest acting performance, but don't count on it. Remember in high school when your vote for the Homecoming Queen depended on whether or not you liked her, if you didn't like her, if you thought she was a slut... well the Oscar race is just an overgrown Homecoming Pageant, only the people are older, much richer and have egos the size of Oprah Winfrey's ass.
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Best Actor:
Richard Jenkins - "The Visitor"
Frank Langella - "Frost/Nixon"
Sean Penn - "Milk"
Brad Pitt - "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"
Mickey Rourke - "The Wrestler"
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We'd like to see Sean Penn win so with the help of the movie "Milk" we can continue to shove our gay rights agenda down the throats of America and maybe even recruit a few small children to come over to the gay darkside... oh sorry, we were channeling Jerry Falwell for a moment. Seriously, we loved Penn in "Milk" and thought his performance encompassed a full range of the human arc, and not for one second did we think we were watching Penn, he became Harvey Milk.
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Who will win: Langella. Frankly, it's a four-way race, Jenkins is the only contender who you can safely bet against, he's just not well known enough. His nomination is his reward. Mickey Rourke is a sentimental favorite, but he's just too weird for the older, more conservative Oscar voters, and even though everyone loves Brad Pitt, most people still don't think he can act, and having Angelina Jolie is reward enough. So it comes down to Penn and Frank Langella. We have to go with Langella; Penn has already won an Oscar, and many will think it's Langella's turn to be rewarded for a lifetime of strong performances.
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Best Actress:
Anne Hathaway - "Rachel Getting Married"
Angelina Jolie - "Changeling"
Melissa Leo - "Frozen River"
Meryl Streep - "Doubt"
Kate Winslet - "The Reader"
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We'd like to see Kate Winslet win. She blew us away in this role, playing a depressed, empty shell of a woman who's guilt has turned her into a walking ghost. There are no hysterics in this performance; it's just a bleak, realistic performance that's very unsettling to watch. Winslet's never had a role this complex, and she blows it out of the water.
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Who will win: Winslet. Forget Leo and Hathaway. No one knows who Leo is, and no one saw the movie. Hathaway is a popular young ingenue, but many will assume that she'll have plenty of chances in the future to win. Jolie could take it, but she's won before, and she's not as popular in Hollywood as she once was. Don't count out Streep, but she's already widely recognized as the most important actress of our time, so many voters will consider that reward enough. It's definitely Winslet's year. She's been nominated five times before, but has never won, and she's very well liked in Tinseltown. And strangely enough, her performance really was probably the strongest of the year. Go figure.
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Best Supporting Actor:
Josh Brolin - "Milk"
Robert Downey, Jr. - "Tropic Thunder"
Phillip Seymour Hoffman - "Doubt"
Heath Ledger - "Dark Knight"
Michael Shannon - "Revolutionary Road"
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We'd like to see Josh Brolin win. Not only for his strong, understated performance in "Milk", but because we loved him in "W." and "No Country for Old Men", films for which he wasn't recognized. He's got incredibly strong career momentum going for him, and we'd like to see of what else he's capable.
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Who will win: Brolin. Michael Shannon? Never heard of him. Hoffman already won an Oscar, and his role in "Doubt" was lightweight. Normally, we'd say the Academy might as well go ahead and mail Brolin's Oscar to him, that he's got it nailed down, but in this particular year, he's going up against two actors who have very strong sentiment on their sides. Ledger is dead, and this would be the Academy's last chance to give him the Oscar he should have won for "Brokeback Mountain". However, despite those strong feelings of sympathy, Oscar has only once before gone to a dead actor, Peter Finch for "Network". And the crucial difference here is that Finch's performance in "Network" was iconic and still leaves one breathless thirty years later, while Ledger's role wasn't really that meaty. Unusual, yes, but meaty? no. Plus, if Ledger wins, then someone else will have to accept the award for him, and no one wants to watch some unknown second-stringer get all choked up on someone else's behalf. On the other hand, Downey, Jr. is still with us and very much alive. After years of a drug wash-out, he's come roaring back to not only shine in several small roles, but to also star in one of the biggest blockbusters of the year in "Ironman". And never forget how much Hollywood loves blockbusters. Blockbusters mean the studio chiefs get to hire another nanny, buy another beach house and purchase even more expensive gifts for their mistresses. So it'll all come down to which vote wins, sentiment or real career achievement. In the end, even though the audience would love to see Downey, Jr. complete his comeback with an emotional, teary-eyed acceptance speech, we're going with Brolin, simply because his role was dramatic and Downey, Jr.'s was comedic. And drama almost always trumps comedy when it comes to finding Oscar's g-spot.
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Best Supporting Actress:
Amy Adams - "Doubt"
Penelope Cruz - "Vicky Christina Barcelona"
Viola Davis - "Doubt"
Taraji P. Henson - "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"
Marisa Tomei - "The Wrestler"
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We'd like to see Viola Davis win. Even though she only had one scene in "Doubt", in that one scene she stunningly portrayed a woman who transformed in seconds from someone who was nervous and scared to desperately overwhelmed to someone who was frighteningly determined and could back down Meryl Streep with one look. We haven't seen a single-scene performance that strong since Beatrice Straight won an Oscar for a similar sized role in "Network".
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Who will win: Cruz. Viola Davis is new to the heavyweight scene and as mentioned, her role is very small. She could win, but don't bet on it. Amy Adams is slowly building real momentum toward a future Oscar, but not for this lighter role. Marisa Tomei manages a nomination every so often only because the Academy is still embarrassed for having given her the Oscar for "My Cousin Vinny", and they're hoping that if she wins another, they'll be vindicated. Forget it. Come on, Academy, just admit you fucked up and live with it. Henson is one of those "Fu Fu" nominations. The Academy likes to think that it's high minded and artistically gifted, you know, as in fancy, or "fu fu". Please. Most of the people in the Academy are about as able to recognize real art as we're able to put on a bra and pass for Angelina Jolie. But the way that the Academy tries to earn it's "Fu Fu" cred is by every so often nominating someone that no one else has even heard of, thus seeming to know something the rest of us don't, thus seeming more insightful than us, thus more "Fu Fu". Don't fall for it, it's "Fu Fu" bullshit, and what's most sad about it, is the same people who nominate someone like Henson wouldn't actually vote for her in a million years. So that leaves Cruz. And she'll win for a variety of reasons. She's been nominated before, thus having earned the respect of the Academy, and she's worked for years earning her dues, turning in a number of solid performances, (she probably should have been nominated for 2001's "Blow"). She's very good in "Vicky", but the most important indicator of her potential to win is the fact that "Vicky" is a Woody Allen movie, and Woody Allen has an incredible track record for directing actors to Oscars noms and wins. Fourteen actors have been Oscar nominated from Allen directed films and four have won: Diane Keaton, Michael Caine, Diane Wiest, Mira Sorvino. On the night of February 22, 2009, we suspect that winning tally will go to five.
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Best Director:
Who cares?
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Best Movie:
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Frost/Nixon, Milk, The Reader, Slumdog Millionaire
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We'd like to see "Milk" win, but we predict the winner will be "Slumdog Millionaire".