Now We Know Why Alcide Wasn't In Bon Temps Last Week

When we watched the season premiere of HBO's "True Blood" this past Sunday night, we were disappointed that our favorite werewolf, Alcide, didn't make an appearance. Now we know why. He was hanging out in Greece with a couple of half-naked women, and they weren't Sookie.

Joe Manganiello, who plays Alcide on "True Blood", is gracing the pages of GQ Magazine, showing off that famously fantastic body. Finally, GQ! we were wondering when you were going to notice that Manganiello is one of the best looking guys in Hollywood. But we feel sorry for the designers of the clothes he's wearing; when you've got a guy who looks like Manganiello modeling clothes, who's going to notice what he's wearing?

We also feel bad for the tricky position in which magazines like GQ find themselves in 2011. You would think that in 2011, we've moved beyond tired, old traditional notions of masculinity and femininity, but not so. Because while GQ would like to probably feature someone like Joe Manganiello by himself with his shirt off, they can't, because "that would be too gay". So if you notice, in "men's" magazines like GQ, if they feature sexy half-naked men, those men have to be surrounded by incredibly sexy, half-naked women. This subtle trick makes it "okay" for hetero men who are desperately in fear of their own sexuality to look at photos of Manganiello's pecs and abs. GQ is telling those readers that Manganiello is aggressively hetero because he's about to mount, not one, but two supermodels, and therefore, it's okay if a you're a straight guy and you notice Maganiello's body. Manganiello's straight, so you can look at his body and still be straight. Confused? We know.

We have a suggestion. Why don't we just admit that everyone, men and women, wants to look good, and we, by our very human natures, look to and admire others who have the physical qualities that we'd like to have. Admiring someone's looks, man or woman, doesn't make one straight or gay. Okay, so get over it, scared straighties. Although, if you're a married man, and you're
taking these pages of GQ into your bathroom behind a locked door for a little private time with Joe Manganiello, then there might be a problem. Should we be calling your wife?

Let's Get It On

Speaking of GQ Magazine, this month's cover boy is Bon Temps, Louisiana's sexiest vampire, Alexander Skarsgard. GQ reminds us that the fourth season of HBO's "True Blood" is about to begin, and we can't wait.

But Note to Alan Ball, producer of "True Blood": Please, for the love of god, let Eric Northman, (Skarsgard), get it on with somebody this season. Poor Eric is constantly teased by Sookie, only to have his horny hopes dashed time after time. He has some other vampires who he's "made" that he could have at anytime, but come on... Pam? That bitch is one cold fish. At one point last season, Eric was getting hot and heavy with Talbot, another male vampire, but sadly, that was just a ruse so Eric could stake him, ending his life. Oh, man.



Come on, "True Blood", Eric deserves some tail. Right? We've said it before, and we'll say it again, it's not too late to bring back Eggs, (Mehcad Brooks). Just saying.

(mehcad brooks)

Does Kim Know?

Kris Humphries, a pro basketball player for the New Jersey Nets, has proposed to reality star Kim Kardashian, bestowing her with a $2 million dollar engagement ring which is bigger than some people's cars.

But that's the not the real news. Humphries is clearly gay, and we wonder if Kim knows? We're talking about the fact that Humphries is appearing in the current issue of GQ Magazine in several pairs of shorts which are shockingly, above his knee. And as most straight men, and even a lot of straight women out there will tell you, for a man to wear shorts above the knee is so gay, gay, gay! It's okay for a man to show his pecs and abs, even push his pants down to his pubes to show off those sexy hip lines, but for a man to show some thigh, oh my god, that's so effeminate!

We're joking, of course. We're talking about a subject that we've written about before, (click here), the fact that men's shorts have been knee-length for so many years, that most younger Americans have no memory of when men's shorts were actually short. Knee-length shorts for men came into vogue in the 1950's, then fell out of favor for the decades of the 60's, 70's and 80's, becoming the style once again in the early 90's. But fashion never stays the same forever, and all those guys out there who are desperately afraid that their chicken legs might expose their femininity had better get to the gym for some leg presses, because men's shorts are finally starting to inch back upwards.