2009 Oscars

Supporting Actress Oscar winners Anjelica Huston, Tilda Swinton, Goldie Hawn, Eva Marie Saint and Whoopi Goldberg flank new winner, Penelope Cruz.

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Or, left to right: The Purple People Eater, Miss Coffin Lining 2005, Boobsy Malone, Miss Cruz, Sgt. Pepper and The Lion Queen.

Oscar Fashion

A few weeks ago, on this very blog, we discussed the really awful trend of men's pants being too long. Just for the record, it was never in style, and it always did, and always will, look completely stupid. It makes the wearer look like he simply doesn't know how to dress.
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Cast in point: Look at the difference in the pants of Brad Pitt and Dev Patel at tonight's Oscars. Brad's pants look ridiculous; he looks like some college freshman who's wearing his first tux and without Mommy around to help him, he didn't know to get the pants tailored. On the other hand, Dev's tux is perfectly tailored, and it makes his overall body shape look incredible. Brad, you're a multi-millionaire, try looking like one.

Oscar Pics

Check back with us tomorrow, as we add as many Oscar pics from tonight's show that we can find. And thanks for joining us tonight!

Oscar Wrap-Up

Well, we just gotta say it, for all the hype about changing the Oscar show, and making it more fun and entertaining, in all seriousness, we think the producers failed miserably.
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Musical numbers have never really worked on the Oscar show, and these tonight, were particularly mangled and poorly produced. The only music we ever really enjoyed on the show were the performances of the nominated songs, and they almost completely cut those out this year.
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The only real change in the show was the way in which the acting awards were given out. It seemed like a nice idea at first to bring out previous winners and have them give a verbal recognition to the nominated actors' performances, but then, on second thought, we realized we really missed the old tradition of playing a film clip of the nominated performances. Showing the film clip had a much more powerful impact on the audience. Having live actors heap praise on their fellow actors, in the end, just seemed a little too masturbatory and self-indulgent.
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And we realize now, more than ever, that the host should be a comedian. We love Hugh Jackman, but a musical singer/dancer just can't carry this show. And that opening number was just f**king embarrassing.
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We don't know what they're going to do for next year. But we predict heads will roll, because we think the official media reviews for this show are going to be a bloodbath.

Oscars - 11:56

And finally, Steven Spielberg gives the Oscar for Best Picture to "Slumdog Millionaire". No surprise there.
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"Slumdog" becomes one of the "smallest" films of all time to win Best Picture. When it originally opened, it was only in something like eight theaters total. Eight. It slowly built strength through word of mouth and ended up winning every single award for which it was nominated this year. The only bad mark on its record of achievement is the fact that no actors from the film were nominated, but that has happened before in Oscar history, so it wasn't a slight singled out for this movie. "Slumdog" ended up winning eight Oscars tonight, more than any other film.
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Last year, no Americans won an acting Oscar, and it almost happened again this year. Sean Penn kept it from being an American wipeout. Kate Winslet is from England, Heath Ledger from Australia and Penelope Cruz from Spain.

Oscars - 11:39

The Best Actor. Out comes Robert DeNiro, Ben Kingsley, Adrian Brody, Michael Douglas, Anthony Hopkins to bestow the award. We're feeling the last minute momentum for Sean Penn, but we don't know.
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And the winner is Sean Penn for "Milk"!
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We had the last minute feeling that Sean was going to win, after all, because of the audience reaction. When the nominees were being introduced, the applause and cheering was much louder for Penn than for Rourke. That tipped it off. The people in the audience are the ones who vote for the Oscars. Duh.
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Penn gave a sweet, emotional speech which later became political when he said that the people who voted against gay marriage in California are "shamed" and "will feel their grandchildren's shame" if they don't change their minds. Wow!! Strong stuff. There goes any hope for bailout money from a Republican Congress.
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So we go 4 for 4 in our predictions in the acting categories. Sort of. We changed our minds at the last minute for Heath Ledger, but hey, 3 out of 4 is still not bad.

Oscars - 11:32 pm

As Shirley, Halle and Marion welcome Kate into the Stepford Wives Club, Nicole sees a problem. She notices that the knots are loosening behind Sophia's ears, and her face is beginning to fall. Nicole wants to help, but Sophia misinterprets Nicole's advances as an attempt to adjust her heaving mammaries.

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"No, Nicole, you mussent touch the girls, they've won me an Oscar and mucho luxurious nights in many, many Hollywood leading mans' beds. Okay, darling? So back off, and leave the pretty ponies right where they are. I cut you!"

Oscars - 11:30 pm

One newspaper reviewer said the spectacle of all the women showering a fellow member of their sex with love and praise was a little too "Vagina Monologue-ish". Bingo.

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Another reviewer said the way the former winners stood in a half circle staring solemnly into the audience looked like a "star chamber about to banish an offender to the distant planet Zardon".

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It was a little creepy.

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(kate winslet, sophia loren, nicole kidman, marion cotillard, shirley maclaine, halle berry, and at top, an unidentified vagina herder)

Oscars - 11:29

Halle Berry. Wow. 'Nuff said.

Oscars - 11:28

Okay, here we go, the Best Actress Award. Out comes Sophia Loren, Shirley MacLaine, Halle Berry, Marion Cotillard and Nicole Kidman. They all look amazing, save, maybe Shirley. Sophia Loren looks unbelievably sexy. Wow. And this woman is 74! And Marion, Nicole and Halle, you don't get any better looking than those three.
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The winner is Kate Winslet for "The Reader".
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Kate gave a nice little speech, but no great emotional tearing-up moment. Let's hope Penn or Langella or Rourke loses it onstage. We desperately need an Oscar moment!
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We did love the moment in which Kate was searching the audience for her parents, and she asked her dad to whistle, so she could find him. A loud shrieking whistle came out of the crowd, Kate turned and saw him, and waved and giggled like a little girl. It was very fun.

Oscars - 11:21

Hugh Jackman introduces the President of the Academy and luckily, they don't let him onstage to make his traditional speech. The one smart move of the night.
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Reese Witherspoon comes out to give the Best Director's Award to Danny Boyle of "Slumdog Millionaire", and the winner is Danny Boyle for "Slumdog Millionaire".

Oscars - 11:12

Queen Latifah sings "I'll be Seeing You" to remember the people of the industry who died in the previous year. We like this part. Cyd Charisse, Bernie Mac, Van Johnson, Michael Crichton, Nina Foch, Pat Hingle, Roy Scheider, Evelyn Keyes, Richard Widmark, Isaac Hayes, Ricardo Montalban, Robert Doqui, Paul Scofield, James Whitmore, Charlton Heston, Sydney Pollack and Paul Newman were among those remembered.
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Unfortunately, the camera pulled back so far from the onstage film screen that we couldn't read some of the peoples' names or their film credits. Oscar show producers, are you trying to make this a bad show?

Oscars - 11:08

Well, so far, we're 2 for 2 in our Oscar predictions. We long ago predicted Penelope Cruz, and although we originally said that Josh Brolin would win, we changed our prediction later when it became clear that Heath Ledger would win. We still think Josh Brolin should have won, but we can consider this win for Ledger the Oscar he should have won for "Brokeback Mountain".
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Oh, we're back at the show. Freida Pinto, (god, that girl is beautiful), comes out with Liam Neeson for the Best Foreign Film category. And the winner is "Departures" from Japan.
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Okay, we're down to the major awards. Are you holding your breath? We have to admit, we can't wait to see who's going to take the Best Actor. At this point, we have no idea. And will Kate Winslet make a fool out of herself onstage?

Oscars - 10:58

(john legend and the solid gold bollywood dancers)

Now for the Best Songs. A bunch of Bollywood dancers run on the stage and an Indian singer sings "O Saya" from "Slumdog Millionaire". It's a great production number, but for some reason, the sound is muted and visually it comes off flat.
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John Legend sings the Peter Gabriel song, "Down to Earth", from "Wall-E", followed by the final nominee, "Jai Ho", from "Slumdog Millionaire".
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And the winner is "Jai Ho" from "Slumdog Millionaire".
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Way to go Academy, you were worried about slumping ratings for the Oscar show, and you nominated three songs no one has ever heard of and can't even sing along with. Good move.

Oscars - 10:49

As we slog through the commercials, we started thinking that we're surprised the commercials are not more inventive and creative. The ad world makes a big deal out of creating the best commercials for the Super Bowl, but the Oscars' t.v. audience is ten times the size of the Super Bowl's. It's a mystery.
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Back to the show. Hugh Jackman opens a segment to introduce the nominees for Best Original Score and Best Song. He's not going to sing them, is he?
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The orchestra onstage plays snippets from the nominated scores. Can we just say right now: this show is going to get horrible reviews.
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Zac Efron, (boy, they're milking him tonight), and Alicia Keys take the stage to give the award for Best Original Score. The winner is "Slumdog Millionaire".

Oscars - 10:42

Eddie Murphy comes out to award the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award to Jerry Lewis. It's about time. The man has been hosting the telethon for muscular dystrophy since 1966. Jerry Lewis comes out looking pretty good, considering he's had recent health problems of his own. Actually, it's hard to believe he's 82. We grew up with his movies. It was nice of Murphy to acknowledge that every comedic actor working today owes a great deal to Jerry Lewis. That was one of the nicest moments of the show.

Oscars - 10:26 pm

Oh, God! Hugh Jackman is back on stage. Please, please, please, no musical numbers!!!!
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Thank you, sweet Jesus, he moved on.
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Will Smith takes the stage the hand out the trophy for Best Special Effects, and quite predictably, he makes the moment all about himself. The winner is "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button", its third award of the night. So much for the prediction that the movie would be completely shut out of any wins. So far tonight, it's won more than any other film.
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Smith stays for the Sound Editing category, and the winner is "The Dark Knight", taking its second win of the night.
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Smith stays for Sound Mixing. Wow, they're getting a lot of mileage out of each presenter. The winner is "Slumdog Millionaire", its third win.
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Holy crap, Smith stays for more, the Film Editing award. What, is Tom Cruise and John Travolta at a scientology "pray away the gay" meeting? Hell. The winner is "Slumdog Millionaire". Now, Will, will you please leave my t.v. set?

Oscar - 10:15 pm

There is a film segment to introduce the Best Documentary Award. They wouldn't dare let documentary producers on stage to speak live, they're way too boring. But after that Hugh Jackman musical number, how bad could it be?
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Bill Maher comes out to give the Award, and the winner is "Man on Wire". Ooh, we've already polished off a large bag of Ruffles Cheddar and Sour Cream Chips and we're not even half-way through the show. And yes, that was a product placement, Ruffles Company, and you have our phone number. One of the winners balances the Oscar trophy upside down on his chin and the audience comes alive for a brief second. Oddly enough, it's the most electrifying moment of the night, so far.
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Bill gives the Oscar for Best Documentary Short Subject to "Smile Pinki".

Oscars - 10:06

Heath Ledger's father, mother and sister accept his Oscar.

Oscars - 10:05 pm

It looks like we're about to give out the Best Supporting Actor Oscar. Get ready for lots and lots of heartfelt tears for Heath Ledger. Just at least, please give the poor man more dignity than what this show has proven so far. Hold your breath, people!
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Alan Arkin, Joel Grey, Kevin Kline, Christopher Walker and Cube Gooding, Jr. take the stage to give the award.
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In the audience, Phillip Seymour Hoffman is wearing a ski cap. Seriously.
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And the winner is Heath Ledger for "The Dark Knight". Heath's father, mother and sister take the stage to accept the trophy. All three of them speak, and it is quite touching.