Twitters of the Day

The world of Twitter is not nearly as fun as it used to be. When Twitter was new, every low-I.Q.'ed bimbo in Hollywood regularly embarrassed themselves by saying what was ever on their minds, even when there was nothing on their minds, which was often. But unfortunately for us, a lot of celebrities embarrassed themselves once too often, causing their P.R. people to step in and call a halt to their mindless jibber-jabber, which sucked for our "Twitters of the Day" feature here at East Village Afternoon. But there's always a silver lining to every dark cloud, and fortunately for us, for some of those Twitterers, the need for attention is stronger than any sense of personal pride. Thank you, Jesus!

Below are the best and the worst Twitters of the past few weeks...

Bill Maher - 5.14.11
Love the Glenn Beck-Megan McCain feud - he's all like "you're fat" and she's all "Nah ah" - see why the Republicans are the party of ideas?

Joan Rivers - 5.14.11
Katie Holmes is allegedly pregnant, again!?! The baby will have her eyes and the turkey baster’s nose.

5.15.11
Katie Holmes is denying she’s pregnant. It turns out the baby bump was an overnight bag from her latest escape attempt from Tom Cruise.

Alec Mapa - 5.12.11
The Shake Weight for men commercial just replaced me as the gayest thing on television.

5.12.11
I haven't followed Idol all season, but I just tuned in and there's a drag queen named Lauren!

Denis Leary - 5.12.11
Newt Gingrich enters prez race. He doesnt even have a 50% approval rating from other guys named Newt.

And from the less gifted among us...

Paris Hilton - 5.11.11
Just had an amazing facial.

(Unintentional joke score!)

Heidi Montag - 4.5.11
People keep asking what my new show is about. I say - imagine if Chekov & Tolstoy wrote for reality TV.

(Someone needs to tell her the famous Russian writer was Chekhov; Chekov was the Russian guy on Star Trek.)






Kim Kardashian - 5.9.11
When I walked into dinner it was warm outside, now walking out its pouring rain? What's going on LA?

(Yes, weather is so confusing. Oh my.)









And then there are some Twitterers who aren't completely brainless, but still can't keep from stepping in it...


John Mayer - 4.23.11
I think Justin Bieber is a really over-rated singer.

4.23.11
I'm sorry if some of you are pissed of about it but its what I really think of him.

(Glass houses, John... big, shiny, glass houses.)

The Good, the Bad and the Stupid

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Twitters of the Day
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Russell Brand - 1.17.10 - Just spilled some chocolate raisins in my cat litter tray. I'm still eating them- they're delicious. One tasted of tuna and cat-angst.
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Sarah Silverman - 1.23.10 - Liberals, in general, are more progressive and open minded, whereas conservatives tend to be more closed minded and faggotish.

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Bill Maher - 1.23.10 - NY having Pep rallies for Jets I still root for Jets and all NY teams but if ur going to a pep rally after hi school check ur house for lead.

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And from the less gifted side of town...

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Britney Spears - 12.5.09 - My daddy got me a Blizz Berry machine for my birthday. Best frozen yogurt I've tried and now I can have it all the time! -Brit

Paris Hilton - 1.24.10 - At an after hours party at some house, so much fun!

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Heidi Montag - 1.20.10 - note to anyone who gets a nose job, take off you tape in the shower after it is wet!

Jessica's Frightened by Thoughts in Her Head

Best Twitters of the Day: August 18, 2009

Bill Maher: Dancing with the scum - Tom Delay is on the dancing show?!! You know who loved to waltz? Stalin. Was David Duke unavailable?

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Chelsea Handler (Chelsea Lately): People who claim to have jet lag when they were only on an hour time difference are annoying. You were in Mexico...it's called a hangover.

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And, okay, we know it's not right to make fun of the dim-witted, but we can't help ourselves...

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Miley Cyrus: Once again we wind up in each others arms pretending that it's right.

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Jessica Simpson: sometimes learning the language in my head can be just as hard as communicating with someone foreign. alone time on flights get me everytime

Twits and Twats

For the longest time, we ignored Twitter, thinking, why would anyone possibly care what some brain-dead celebrity is eating at the moment or the fact that she really loves puppies? Jesus!, we thought, this really is the beginning of the end of civilization, or at least a true step in the dumbing-down of it. But then we thought, hey! we're missing the obvious attraction of Twitter. Not only are the most famous among us voluntarily exposing their glaring lack of any discernable smarts, but we get to witness it first hand. It's sort of like a train wreck, only funnier. So with that said, we introduce our new feature: "Twitter of the Day".

Best Twitters of the Day, August 12, 2009 -

Bill Maher: New Rule: If you were one of the three Americans who decided to go on a scenic border hike in Iraq...

Meghan McCain: empower me to continue speaking out. Much love from this Republican! And especially all my LGBT friends in my life, I love you so much!

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And from the lesser intellectually endowed -

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Heidi Montag: getting my hair blown out

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Miley Cyrus: Why do I continue to torture myself?