The Crazy Lady's In!

The Crazy Lady's officially in. Michele Bachmann officially announced her candidacy for the presidency of the United States today, so she's making appearances on all the talk and news shows, and the crazy is pouring in faster than we can keep up with it.

Bachmann says so many bizarre things that it's honestly hard to keep it all straight. She's become such an easy target for comedians and late night talk show hosts that we can't imagine she can make a real run for the White House; it's hard to be taken seriously when you're a national punchline.

But all kidding aside, the woman's ideas are really "out there". We watched the videotape of her interview with George Stephanopoulos on "Good Morning America" this morning, and he asked her about her desire to eliminate the federal minimum wage. You have to watch the video clip several times, because the first or second time you listen to Bachmann's answer, it makes no sense. Finally, it becomes clear that she thinks the economy would be better if the minimum wage was eliminated because "more people would have more money to keep in their pockets". Still makes no sense? Okay, we'll break it down for you. Bachmann is a typical Republican who is beholden to Big Business and has little regard for the common American worker. And Big Business would be very happy if they could pay slave wages instead of a minimum wage so that their profits would go up. And Bachmann seems to be making that twisted Republican jump in logic that if Big Business could pay less in wages, and their profits went up, then that would somehow translate into a better economy in which the American people would pay less in taxes, which would mean "more money in our pockets". But even if that theory of trickle down economics was correct, (and it's not; our corporations are making record profits right now, and yet our economy is still in the dumpster), she seems to forget, (or not care?), that the elimination of the minimum wage would make it hard for some workers to literally survive.

And that's all you need to know about Michele Bachmann. Yes, she's a little nutty, (and all kidding aside, she really is a little nutty), but in the end, she's just another typical Republican who favors Big Business over the common American worker. And also typically Republican, she honestly believes in the theory of trickle down economics, even though it's been disproven time after time after time.

But we're by no means hoping that Michele Bachmann flames out of the presidential race anytime soon; her presence on the national scene is a goldmine for our comedians. And with this economy, we could use some laughs. You can just imagine Tina Fey in her office, working on her Michele Bachmann "Fargo-like" Minnesota accent as we speak. God, we hope so.

Crazy Times Ten

Well, the reviews are in for the Monday night's Republican Debate, and by all accounts, the winners, according to the media, were Mitt Romney and Michele Bachmann. Oh god, hang on for just a second while we shit our pants...

Okay, we're back. Michele Bachmann? Really? Listen, we've written many times about how lazy mainstream journalists are, and how completely inadequate they are at doing their jobs these days. But this is ridiculous. Case in point: just a few short weeks ago, Chris Matthews of MSNBC's "Hardball" and Joe Scarborough of MSNBC's "Morning Joe" were literally, and we do mean literally, laughing at Michele Bachmann for what a certifiable nut-job she was. Bachmann has single-handedly made the phrase "batshit crazy" popular in the past year. And now, after one debate in which she didn't chew her hair and drool down her chin, these same "journalists" are calling her a credible candidate. Jesus Q. Christ! Come on!

Don't worry, you can always count on us to tell you the truth, even if Matthews and Scarborough are afraid to. And the truth is that Michele Bachmann is still batshit crazy. Period. This is a woman who doesn't understand homosexuality, and she lets her extreme religious beliefs guide her political decision-making, among many other qualities which usually indicate loose screws. As we said yesterday, (click here), you can't really take someone seriously who in 2010 still doesn't understand homosexuality, and the last time we had a president who let his religious beliefs make his political decisions, (George W. Bush in 2001), we lost eight years of precious, desperately needed federal funding for stem cell research. Many people have forgotten Bush's first few months in office, pre-9/11 attack. He only did two things in those early days: he played a lot of golf, and he had to decide whether or not to support federal funding for stem cell research. After much "thought", Bush ended up letting his religious advisors convince him that stem cell research was evil and would lead to "baby-killing". Later, Pres. Obama lifted that ban on funding, and since that time, the stem cell research community has made stunning, unbelievable strides in the march toward curing diseases for which we thought we'd never find cures. And we would be even eight years further down that research path if we hadn't lost those years to a backwoods, Bible-thumping President. And with Michele Bachmann as president, that's exactly what we'd get all over again. Do you really want to go back to those days?

So we need Chris Matthews and Joe Scarborough, and many other "journalists" to continue laughing at Michele Bachmann, and laughing loudly. She is a joke, and we cannot for one second afford to let anyone think that she could credibly lead this country as president. And don't worry, Chris and Joe, that someone might think you're not a serious journalists if you laugh publicly at a presidential candidate, no one really considers you serious journalists now.

It was just a few months ago that Bachmann told Chris Matthews on his show that certain members of Congress needed to be investigated for their possible Un-American ties, (we're guessing she's never heard of Joe McCarthy), and even more recently she tried to give a national address on t.v. and ended up staring at the wrong camera the entire time, which prompted a devastating Kristen Wiig parody on "Saturday Night Live". People, this new polished Michele Bachmann is the same Michele Bachmann from those recent events, and no amount of lipstick is going to change that pig.

Playing to the Crazies

The loonies took the stage last night in New Hampshire. Yes, that's right, the seven Republicans, (we thought about calling them "The Seven Dwarves", but it wouldn't work because they'd all be named Dopey), who want to be President of the United States held another "debate" last night. If you didn't see it, you didn't miss anything. It was basically two hours of "we have to cut spending, but we can't raise taxes" pablum. And what a friendly crowd they were playing to, instead of anyone asking them how they'd help everyone to have health care, one lady stood up and asked them what they were going to do to repeal "ObamaCare". Not exactly challenging stuff for this bunch.

Listen, there were a lot of issues discussed last night, but here's all you really need to know. At one point, the Repubs were asked what they thought of gay marriage and "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" being repealed in the military. And all seven of them, Rick Santorum, Michele Bachmann, Newt Gingrich, Mitt Romney, Ron Paul, Tim Pawlenty and Herman Cain, were against gay marriage and all thought that DADT should not have been repealed. And that's all you need to know. If, in 2012, someone out there still doesn't understand the whole gay thing, he or she is either incredibly naive, incredibly homophobic or just incredibly stupid. And the United States of America cannot afford to have a president who is naive, homophobic or stupid. If you still can't wrap your head around a simple issue of basic human biology like homosexuality, then there's no way you're mentally equipped to deal with the economy, the budget, foreign policy or health care. Case closed, and goodnight, nurse.